


TOUCH (Back to December)

by Mint_1028



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: A very slow build, Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Full of Angst, I'm trying, Johnny can see ghosts, M/M, Poor Sicheng, Sicheng has supernatural power, Slow Build, it's a mess, lowkey fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-04-13 16:32:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 66,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14116407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mint_1028/pseuds/Mint_1028
Summary: Sicheng could see bad things that would happen to someone after he touched their hand. Usually it would happen in a few days after he saw it on his mind. But somehow … it’s getting shorter and shorter and he couldn’t figure it out why. A God’s gift? Special yet mysterious power? Mind-blown supernatural power? None of them. For Sicheng, it’s more like a curse.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cledritch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cledritch/gifts).



> It was supposed to be one shot fic as a gift but Idk how this turned out to be chaptered one.   
> I hope Clay will like this though I know I made lots of typos. I made this fic because I LOVE TELL ME YOUR BOUQUET'S STORY SO MUCH.

The weather was nice in that afternoon. Winter was slowly coming to end but the cold was still there freezing everyone who were not wearing warm clothes outside. _So what_? Hot tea or hot coffee was still the best drinks to choose in this kind of season. Well, eventually … those drinks were always perfect in any weather, in any seasons … anytime.

Sicheng thought that, too. Lame, yeah he knew it. Out of thousands, or probably billions, random things around him that he could think about, this one came through his mind. Therefore, he decided to get some coffee at his favorite café, which was near his small apartment. He found himself playing game on his phone while waiting for his coffee. Although his eyes were focus on the screen, but his mind went blank like usual. His thumbs were automatically tapping the screen following wherever his character was trying to kill its enemies to win the level. He could’ve proclaimed himself as a genius professional player since he didn’t even look at the game, but no, he just let his mind drowning into _that_ thought.

“ _Dong Winwin_!”

His character suddenly lost during the epic battle against other characters that it had to be pulled back into its re-charging cage or something for two hours so that it could join the battle after he heard his nickname. Surprisingly, he didn’t care about the game and just logged out without saving his current score, which was quite high. Okay, he would regret it later when his mind was in the right track, but now he had to take his coffee.

“Have a good day.”

Sicheng met the familiar warm smile and sweet words as he stood in front of the counter. The barista handed his coffee and smiled again. He only gave her a small nod while paid the coffee as a respond. It was nice getting the same greeting with the same amount of kindness and politeness like this every time he went here although he always acted like a cold person to her.

It’s not like he’s always like that, he just … felt unfamiliar with all the smiling laughing chatting or whatsoever when he didn’t want to.

With his coffee in his hand, he made his way out of the café. His free hand reached out to touch the door and pushed it open. Suddenly there’s a curly-haired girl beside him who was about to go out as well, doing the same thing to the door. He gasped and pulled his hand immediately after he accidentally touched her fingertips. The girl was shocked that she accidentally slapped the coffee off his hold. People inside the café turned to their direction to see what happened, as the sound of his coffee cup hitting the floor was quite loud.

_Shit, I forgot to wear my gloves. For the first time in six years._

His vision went blurry and he knew what would happen to him in a couple of seconds. The first thing he should do was getting himself out of this place immediately and finding a quieter place to … do that … thing.

He ran further from the café, shoulders bumping into people who were walking near him, cold sweat all over his forehead and his nape. His vision went blurry gradually that he felt his head spinning slowly. He needed to lean on something, hand swaying on his side, finding the nearest wall or whatever so that he didn’t fall down. The moment when he managed to throw his limbs to the brick wall outside the small bookstore and leaned against it, he started to hear a high-pitched scream and a sound of car crashing inside his head. There’s a blurry picture flashing through his mind, showing a girl he met in the café earlier , blood covering her clothes, she’s gone, died in tragic accident. A husky voice that he hated the most in his life whispered into his mind, telling him what he just saw would happen in fifteen minutes. He refused to hear it; he refused to believe it as he had done before.

Yeah, he would ignore that whisper like usual.

For almost ten minutes, he stayed leaning against the wall, bending down with both hands on his knee, panting as if he just ran for miles.

With his last energy, he pulled away from the wall, literally dragging his feet through the street, praying for himself that he would make it before he passed out. It’s so hard to maintain his relax expression on the street like this when the slight pain around his head was still lingering. Good thing, none of people near him was asking him if he’s okay. He didn’t want to label them as ignorant although mostly people nowadays liked to act like that, it’s just … he felt relief if they didn’t see him, not asking about anything when he’s in this state.

_If only I wore my gloves..._

\--------------------------------

 

Sicheng could see bad things that would happen to someone after he touched their hand. Usually it would happen in a few days after he saw it on his mind. But somehow … it’s getting shorter and shorter and he couldn’t figure it out why. A God’s gift? Special yet mysterious power? Mind-blown supernatural power? None of them. For Sicheng, it’s more like a curse.

Yeah, a curse.

It’s all started after the accident six years ago. An innocent and cheerful younger Sicheng got involved into a massive car accident with his parents when they’re heading to their home in Seoul, exactly an hour after they left Incheon Airport.

The atmosphere inside the car was happy before the sudden accident, Sicheng singing Chinese’s pop song with his mom while his dad driving, several times turning his head to the back to see how his son singing happily in the back seat. Nothing bad. Everyone was happy.

That was … quick, as quick as we blink our eyes. The last thing Sicheng saw before he felt everything flipping around up and down in rapid pace was a traffic light that turned into green. He was amazed staring at his phone which was showing a video about a girl dancing. Before he could mouth a _beautiful_ word, his skinny limbs got pushed against the door hardly, a second later he’s pulled back on the opposite side of his seat, head bumping against the window underneath him. Then everything was spinning for a couple of seconds. He closed his eyes, feeling something damped his forehead, his face. It tasted salty. He’s afraid to open his eyes and speak.

The next thing he knew was he’s already in hospital, laying on hospital bed, oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth, feeling painfully hurt and stiff from head to toe, the smell of medicines all over the room. Doctor said he had been in coma for three days. It’s weird since he felt he’s somewhere far away from hospital, he could tell he’d been in front of someone’s apartment door for a week, or maybe more than that, standing there without doing anything until he saw someone pushing the door open from inside, smiling warmly at him and telling him something.

“ _I’d love to meet you and we can be friends, but not in this kind of situation. Meet me again if you can make it. I’ll be waiting here.”_

Aside from that weird dream and how messy he looked like at that time in the hospital, he had to swallow bitter and hurtful news about his parents’ death. That major car accident took their lives right away, leaving their only child alone to fight against the cruel world without saying goodbye first. Not to mention how he terrifyingly surprised after he accidentally held one of the nurses’ hand and saw that _thing_. Second time, third time, fourth time, fifth time he did the same thing to different doctors and nurses, he got different scary pictures of them facing bad moments : getting robbed on their way home, almost tripping over their own shoes and falling down from the stairs, something like that.

He thought it was only his hallucination, but then he heard some hospital staff talking about the exact things he saw on his mind a few days later.

That’s impossible.

He’s having mental breakdown during his recovery time in the hospital to the point doctors thought he had mental illness and …

“Hey, you okay?”

A soft yet firm hold on his arm brought Sicheng’s thoughts back to the present time. Every single dark memory from his past got dragged to the back of his head as he raised his head, looking at a tall guy already standing in the doorway.

The same door, the familiar person.

Sicheng breathed in shakily, feeling relieved after he saw his face, his warm smile; his soft gaze “Is that how you welcoming an old friend who hasn’t seen you for like a year, Johnny hyung?”

“I—whoa, I got you. I got you.” Johnny caught Sicheng as the younger almost slumped down on the floor. “Nice to see you again, Sicheng,” he gave the late greeting as he helped Sicheng to step into his apartment, taking a back a bit after he noticed Sicheng wasn’t wearing his old gloves like usual.

See? Sicheng was right. God heard his prayer. He, not totally, passed out after he met that person, Johnny, an old friend who’s two years older than him, taking care of him in the past when he’s struggling with his miserable life.

“Your place hasn’t changed at all since the last time I went here,” Sicheng said breathlessly, leaning into the couch a second Johnny settled him down on it.

Johnny only snorted quietly, eyes noticing how Sicheng’s hands were trembling. He rushed into his room to get a pair of gloves, making a beeline into the kitchen after that to get a glass of water for him and back into the living room a minute later, sinking down next to Sicheng to hand the water and the gloves.

“It’s been a year, Sicheng,” he spoke, reaching out to help Sicheng wearing the gloves but he got rejected by him. “You never contacted me. I was worried.”

“You _were_?” Sicheng put the glass on the coffee table after sipping the water and breathed out. His chest was still heavy, it’s contracting which tightened his lungs that he couldn’t breathe properly.

“I _was._ And I _am_ ,” Johnny confirmed firmly. For a moment, he went silent, observing the younger, processing the untold reason why he’s here, why he appeared in front of him after he’s gone for a year without any information.

With so much effort, Sicheng leaned forward to grab a TV remote, turning it on and flipping through the channels. “What day is it? Do they have nice show to watch?”

Johnny furrowed his brows, noticing Sicheng’s odd act. “You never liked watching TV.”

Sicheng only smiled dryly a little before he froze. One of the tv channels was reporting a car accident. They said a female died after got hit by a car in front of café. The reporter told the _cameraman_ to record the situation in front of the café as the crowd looked so crazy there. Before Sicheng could react, suddenly Johnny grabbed the remote in his hand and turned off the tv. The older immediately pulled Sicheng into his arms, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

The familiar warmth welcomed Sicheng, soothing him from breaking down, but the tension was just too strong to beat. He clutched the soft fabric of Johnny’s cardigan, shifting himself closer so Johnny could wrap him tighter. His hot breath was fanning Johnny’s neck shakily. The fear was getting closer, closer and closer that he could feel the shiver through his spine.

He’s scared.

He didn’t want to be, but he was.

“You can cry it out. It’s okay,” Johnny’s voice sounded softer, his hand wrapping Sicheng tightly while his other hand stroking Sicheng’s hair. Sicheng whimpered, trying to hold his sobs.

For a moment, they stayed like that until Sicheng pulled away from Johnny’s neck and rested his head on his shoulder instead, breathing out slowly as he calmed down a bit. Johnny loosened his hug but his hand still rubbed Sicheng’s back absentmindedly.

“Is she here?” Sicheng asked.

Johnny turned his head towards the door. He blinked once … twice … slowly … very slowly until he saw someone through the closed door, a girl standing in front of the door, blood all over her clothes. She looked so confused and mad, but she had no energy to knock the door, or touch it, or even step into the apartment.

A quiet sigh was Johnny’s response.

Sicheng gradually pulled back and leaned into the couch, but still let the older hold his arm. He didn’t want to lose the warmth from his hand either.

“She must be shocked why she died so quickly. No one can explain to her, right? I bet she’ll be haunting me for a couple of days before she flies up, or maybe a week, or a month, or a year, or few years. Forever?” Sicheng mumbled, rubbing his own face with his free hand. His eyes were fixed on the door in front of him. Although he couldn’t see her through the closed door, unlike Johnny, he could feel her rage out there. A guilty was creeping into his heart, squeezing it in bad way, it’s hurt.

“No one can control someone’s death. You know that very well. It’s all God’s mysterious plan,” Johnny practically growled though it still sounded slightly soft. He sighed loudly as he pulled his hand off Sicheng’s arm, getting up to walk back into the kitchen for another glass of water.

“Give me iced coffee or something. I dropped mine in the café earlier,” Sicheng spoke, eyes avoiding the door direction.

“You still owe me an apology.” Johnny went back to the couch, handing Sicheng a can of instant cappuccino.

“I’m sorry.” Sicheng slightly showed his weak smile before sipping the coffee. It’s cold and fresh enough to wake him up. “I’m sorry for not contacting you for a year. I was just … just … confused and scared.”

“Tell me.” Johnny sat on the armrest, folding his hands on his lap, waiting for Sicheng to tell him everything he missed for a whole year.

“It’s getting worse.”

Sicheng’s voice was so slow, but Johnny still could catch it.

“Remember when I told you every scene that came out on my mind would always happen in a few days?” Johnny only blinked, Sicheng took it as a _yes_. “It turned into weird state a year ago. Those bad things happened in few minutes on the same day. And it’s about death, too. I saw how they died. Six times, including today.  It’s getting shorter and scarier, hyung.”

Johnny pressed his own lips together. Without asking for more explanation, he already understood a whole thing. It must be so hard for Sicheng to deal with the sudden change alone. But he couldn’t tell if it’s getting worse or better as he had no idea about the _system_ , something like that. They both were weird people, but Sicheng’s case was beyond him.

“You’re not okay, right?” That’s the only question Johnny could ask. He’s afraid to lecture him some advices about this and that when he himself also had to deal with his own weird power. Once again, Sicheng would call it as a curse. He wouldn’t blame him. His own power didn’t affect himself, except if the ghosts had some nerve to appear around him with their scary look all of sudden. Meanwhile Sicheng …, his power would traumatize him for the rest of his life because he couldn’t do anything to help those poor people. Well, besides the death, sometimes it’s just a little bad thing to the point those poor people only would end up in hospital with some bandages, something like that.

“What would I do without you, hyung?” Sicheng smiled bitterly, letting out a quiet sigh as he looked at the older.

“You have me, remember?” Johnny reassured, reaching out to pat Sicheng’s head and smiling sadly as the latter leaned into his touch. He felt sorry he couldn’t do so much thing to help him, or at least to lessen the weight on his shoulders that he had been carrying for six years. Sicheng might smile cutely outside, but deep down inside, Johnny knew he’s scared of himself, he’s mad at himself, he’s blaming himself for everything. “You can lean on me.”

 

\------------------------

A black car, shinny and expensive, stopped in front of Johnny’s apartment building in the middle of the night. Someone inside the car looked busy crawling to the back seat to reach a plastic bag of snacks. He struggled to steady his lower body in the driver seat that he accidentally ended up doing maneuver, his forehead hitting the edge of the backseat. He groaned in a slight pain, pushing his body up and sinking down back in his seat, hissing at his own clumsiness. After slightly combing his red wine hair, checking his ear piercings just because _he had to_ and making sure all the snacks were already inside the plastic bag, he came out of his car. He climbed up the stairs to reach his friend’s apartment which was on the third floor. He could’ve used the lift if only all the lifts on the first floor were not off because of electricity problem.

The first thing …, or a person he met on the third floor after he climbed up the last stair was a tall guy … or boy as he looked younger than him walking towards the stairs. He moved aside a bit to give him some space to go down. Not knowing how it happened, the boy suddenly tripped over something and stumbled, he automatically reached out to hold his hand to stop him from falling.

“I just want to help—okay,” he mumbled in a disappointment as the boy rejected his hand, moving away a bit from him after he could steady himself and silently walking down the stairs quickly.

_So many arrogant people lately_ , that’s what he thought before ignoring him and walking towards Johnny’s apartment instead. He cleared his throat, hand already on the doorframe and was about to knock it, but then he jolted as the door opened all of sudden from inside.

“Your ghost friends told you that I’m coming?” he raised his brows.

“I just sent off my guest and heard some weird footsteps that I could tell you’re coming, Lee Taeyong” Johnny let the door open and walked away inside.

“So … I’m the second guest tonight,” Taeyong stepped in, kicking off his shoes and nudging the door close with his heel.

“More like _an uninvited guest_. Don’t you check your watch? It’s midnight. I need to sleep.” Though his voice sounded irritated, Johnny still gestured Taeyong to have seat on the couch.

“I just got break time at this hour, Seo Youngho, and I missed you so much,” Taeyong responded in whinny voice. Johnny snorted, opening the fridge to take out some drink for him. “You have something cold to drink?”

“I had a can of iced coffee.”

Taeyong looked over the couch to see Johnny bending down in front of the fridge. “That’s _past tense_.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I just **gave** it to my guest. Cola is fine?”

“Since I’m in the process of destroying my liver, cola is fine, then,” Taeyong sighed, leaning into the couch and closing his eyes, inhaling the sweet and calm scent of Johnny’s scented candles. He took a right decision to come here after all hectic schedules he had at his studio today. Quiet place, warm state, away from the crowd. He’s dozing off only by letting himself into the _positive_ atmosphere inside Johnny’s apartment.

“Go home if you wanna sleep. I don’t have a spare room for you.” Johnny threw a can of cola on Taeyong’s lap and settled down on the opposite couch. He could see the dark circles under Taeyong’s eyes clearly and how his cheekbones looked scary. “You look more terrible than all the ghosts I have seen.”

Taeyong, eyes still closed, only chuckled, holding a can with both hands. “I almost forgot that you’re freak. Not in a bad way, but not in a good way either. And I can’t believe you’re comparing my solid existence with things that I can’t see. You’re using your power in a wrong way, dude.”

Johnny knew Taeyong didn’t mean to say it. He’s a good friend. They had known each other for six years and words like that always slipped out of his mouth.

“Hey,” Taeyong started after they went into silence for some minutes. “It’s been a year since I moved back here, in Seoul.”

“What is it about? Recalling old memories? Like what? Stealing my new clothes secretly and bringing them back after you ripped them off? Breaking into my apartment in the midnight when you’re drunk? You did so much things to ruin my life, to be honest,” Johnny said sarcastically.

Taeyong chuckled again. What Johnny said was right. He ruined him every single day and he felt grateful Johnny didn’t push him away. It’s how their friendship looked like.

“Something happened?” Johnny caught the frown on Taeyong’s face. The last time he saw it, it’s when Taeyong barged into his apartment four years ago before moving to Busan, crying in a mess and the smell of alcohol was all over him. “That memory again?” he guessed carefully.

Taeyong’s eyes stared down at the can in his hands, smiling sadly. “You always address it as _that memory_.”

“You never told me about it. And I won’t ask about it if you don’t allow me to. Men have privacy. I respect you. You know that,” Johnny said softly. He knew Taeyong had bad memory in the past and he kept it by himself, never letting other people knew it, unless he told them first. “Whatever it is, I know you can through it.”

“So lame,” Taeyong snorted. “What if I tell you that I robbed a bank and saved twenty bags of money under my bed? You see my car outside, right? I just bought it a month ago.”

“I can ask the scariest ghost to haunt you forever. Some of them can touch human. Maybe I will ask them to choke you to death,” Johnny answered jokingly.

“Your joke is not funny at all.” Taeyong tensed up on the couch, alarmed, eyes wandering around to see any odd movement.

Johnny only chuckled. He wanted to tease his friend more, but he remembered something. “Hey, Taeyong. Does your studio still accept new student?”

“If you’re telling me you wanna send one of your ghost friends to my studio, I swear to God, I will—“

“He’s human,” Johnny cut off, rolling his eyes. “He’s kinda taking a break from … uhmm… something and I think it would be good if he can go to your studio for a couple of months.”

“ _He_? So it’s a male?”

 


	2. Chapter 2

_“Socialize with people. You need to blend in and stop hiding yourself. I have friend that works at dance studio. No, he’s the owner of the studio. You like dance, right? Go there, and make some friends. I will tell him if you’re ready, he will welcome you. Hey, can you come over? I just bought a pair of gloves from online shop for you. They’re not too thick to make your hands sweaty and not too thin to make you freeze to death in the winter. You can wear it in every season. It’s soft and the color is beautiful. I bought you a black one.”_

Sicheng sighed reading Johnny’s massage from two days ago. He shouldn’t have believed all he said about the gloves he’s wearing today. His hands always felt slightly itchy if he wore them more than five hours, and the patterns were ugly, but he couldn’t take them off as he respected Johnny’s efforts. Next time, if Johnny told him about something he bought from online shop, he would run away.

Well, at least, the gloves worked. Yesterday Johnny forced him to do handshake with his neighbor, an old man. At first, he refused to do it, feeling terrified already about the vision that would attack his mind later. But Johnny reassured him, telling that his neighbor was long enough to live in this world because he’s already ninety eight years old. After punching and slapping Johnny’s arm for saying that, he did it eventually, doing a polite handshake with the old man. He gasped a second he held his hand though he didn’t touch his skin directly. The same reaction inside his chest was still the same, the pain was still there. But nothing happened. He saw nothing on his mind in the next minute, in the next hour. He felt dizzy, but it’s just that.

Johnny hugged him tightly that he could feel his bones breaking, crying and telling him if they knew it would turn out to be like this, he would’ve let him doing a lot of handshakes with other people years ago. Sicheng still remembered how Johnny didn’t let him go home after that handshake and locked his apartment instead before pulling him back into his tight hug on the bed until the next morning.

“Sicheng, right?”

Sicheng raised his head in a bolt. A voice snapped his thoughts back. He blinked several time at a guy in black hoodie who’s standing in front of the front door of building. His ear piercings impressed him … somehow. Then his sharp yet delicate facial structure, big eyes but they could kill you, perfect lips, his red hair was also so attractive. Wow, he just admired the perfect visual in front of him.

“Youngho—I mean Johnny. Johnny said you’re his friend, a very special friend. I’m Taeyong,” Taeyong offered his hand for a handshake.

Sicheng hesitated, torn between reaching out his hand for that handshake or keeping them on his both sides. But if he did the second choice, it’d be so rude. He couldn’t choose the first one either as he still couldn’t get used to touch people’s hands although he’s wearing gloves.

Taeyong slightly furrowed his brows seeing Sicheng stayed silent. When he’s about to pull his hand down when Sicheng suddenly grab it.

“I-m—I’m S-sicheng.” Sicheng’s hand was obviously trembling as he held Taeyong’s hand and the latter noticed it.

Giggling, Taeyong put his other hand to rub Sicheng’s knuckles. “Oh my God, you’re nervous? It’s okay, It’s not like I’m gonna push you into the war of zombies, well … zombies only exist in the movie, so you don’t have to be this nervous. And I don’t bite people, either. I’m good guy, not that good, just … generally good.”

Sicheng could feel a slight relief as he saw Taeyong smiling at him. It’s endearing for no reason. Taeyong was handsome, and he’s more and more handsome when he’s smiling like that.

“Let’s make a quick tour around my studio, then. I’m not a good guide, but I’m sure I know every single room, every single corner of my studio. Youngho—I mean Johnny. Johnny told me to treat you well, a very well, or else he would go down for my neck and hang me on the rooftop of my studio,” Taeyong said in serious tone, but then he felt guilty as Sicheng took it seriously. “I’m joking. He’s a nice guy,” he added, turning around to walk back into the building and humming “ _sometimes_ ” under his breath quietly. He’s pretty sure Sicheng didn’t hear him.

They went up on the second floor, which there were three dance practice rooms and one wide lounge. One of the rooms was empty and the other one was having a dance class. Sicheng saw fifteen children moving around the room, doing somersaults, flipping around, flying here and there like a bird. His jaw dropped. Before he could continue feeling excited, Taeyong tapped his shoulder, telling him to follow him on the third floor.

The third floor was more breathtaking. There’s only one wide room and full with a lot of handsome and amazing dancers. The way they danced was so mesmerizing. Taeyong said, they’re his best recruited dancers. After having light greetings and conversation in fifteen minutes, Sicheng still couldn’t believe himself that he’d done handshakes with sixteen people today. Taeyong literally had to drag him out by arm half an hour later because Jaehyun, one of his dancers, kept holding Sicheng’s hand while talking to him.

The last tour was Taeyong’s office room on the fourth floor. Sicheng sat on the black couch in the corner of the room, alone. Taeyong went out to get some drink for him. If Sicheng had to scan the room carefully, he found nothing special. Just regular office room, but it’s cleaner and neat.

His phone buzzed. He got a message from Johnny.

_Having fun there?_

Sicheng blinked, thumb tapping the screen replying Johnny.

_My head hurts_

He sighed and leaned into the couch. He didn’t lie when he replied Johnny with that message. His head was spinning although he still could endure it until now. The physical contact that he had with many people today was too much as he still felt strange with everything around him that looked so noisy. Johnny might have the power to push him to meet people, to force him to socialize with people, to lecture about the nice impact of talking to people, but he couldn’t change him as a different person in a blink of eye. He needed time to get used to whatever it was.

Taeyong was nice. All the dancers he met today were nice as well. It’s just … him who still had hard time to blend in. He used to lock himself in his empty apartment for years and only got out to buy something and today he …

No. he couldn’t.

“Hey, I’m sorry, something’s wrong with the coffeemaker and—“ Taeyong jogged into his office room and stopped abruptly as he saw Sicheng already standing near the door. “Where are you going? I got you … a coke.” He showed a can of coke to Sicheng.

Sicheng starred at Taeyong with unreadable look before slightly bowing at him and walking out of the room silently, leaving Taeyong who looked so confused.

 

\-----------------------

A long heavy sigh filled a small bedroom as Sicheng opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling blankly. The heater inside his room was off and he just remembered that he forgot to turn it on. The morning freeze welcomed him as soon as he woke up and pulled the cover away. He could’ve sneaked back into the cover and waited until he’s tired enough for laying on the bed under the cover, but no. he’s not that kind of lazy person. Not to mention Johnny who already bombarded his messenger with tons of texts that mostly told him to come over.

Well, Sicheng knew why Johnny texted him like that. Probably … Taeyong had told him about how he left the studio without saying anything two days ago. Okay, he wouldn’t blame Taeyong for telling Johnny because it’s his fault not saying goodbye or anything. He was so rude to Taeyong, he admitted it.

_I’ll be there in half an hour, or maybe an hour. Idk._

Sicheng slipped his phone back into the pocket of his brown coat after texting Johnny. His morning ritual was a cup of coffee, which was the untold reason he couldn’t tell Johnny. Or more like … he tried to avoid him a bit longer before hearing his _friendly_ rants.

Different café was his best choice after the incident a couple of days ago. He didn’t want the barista to look at him with weird look and ask him this and that. That’s why he’s here, in a café that was few blocks away from Johnny’s apartment, buying his coffee and staying for a couple of minutes. He was alone peacefully at the table near the wall of glass window until a voice disturbed him.

“Sicheng?”

He whipped his head towards a red haired guy in black leather jacket. He parted his lips a bit, eyes blinking in a silent surprise. Wow, they really _had to_ meet each other like this after he had tried to forget the day he met him.

“I didn’t know we’re gonna meet here. Nice coincidence, huh?” Taeyong smiled. “Uhmm… can I sit here?”

Sicheng hesitatingly nodded before clearing his throat. He’s rummaging through all the racks inside his head to find a proper apology, but still couldn’t any of it after Taeyong sat down on the chair across him.

“So … you often go here? You got nice taste, then. They have—“

“I’m sorry,” Sicheng cut off, causing Taeyong got slightly confused for a second before completely confused.

“ _Sorry_ …for what? As I recall, you didn’t break anything in my studio,” Taeyong said, trying to remember every single part of their meeting in his studio.

Sicheng bit the inside of his lips, nervous for no reason. “For … for leaving the studio without saying anything? I should’ve said goodbye or something, but—“ Sicheng trailed off and stopped as Taeyong laughed softly. He’s amazed on the elder’s laugh once again. Oh God, he needed to poke his own eyes now.

“That’s okay, though. Well, I was a little bit shocked but after Johnny told me everything, I got it,” Taeyong smiled.

“ _Everything_?” Sicheng felt alarmed. Did Johnny spill the truth about who he really was to Taeyong? About the fact that he’s a freak who could see bad things that would happen to people after he touched their hands?

“Yeah, about your health. I mean, he said you’re not feeling well. A fever? A cold? Now how’s your feeling?”

Sicheng blinked his eyes. For a second he thought Johnny was already tired with him, but then he’s wrong. His secret was still safe. “ _Good_ ,” he hummed, ducking his head as Taeyong didn’t tear his eyes away from him.

“That’s good news, then. If you’re ready and healthy enough, you can go to my studio again. Next week, we’re gonna practice new choreography. It’d be cool if you can join us. I’m not forcing you. It’s just an offer.” Taeyong leaned into his chair, eyes fixing on Sicheng several times.

The silence at their table grew a little bit longer than it’s supposed to be. It shouldn’t be like that if one of them, at least, could’ve make any topic to share. But the fact that this was their second time meeting made them look awkward for each other. If one opened their mouth and started to talk about something, the other one would only simply respond with a hum, or just a _yes,_ or a _no_ here and there. However, mostly, it’s Taeyong who always started the conversation, a simple one. He would use some questions as a bait, and Sicheng would take it eventually.

Well, at least their morning coffee time didn’t end up at that café as Taeyong offered himself to take Sicheng to Johnny’s apartment after Sicheng said he’s gonna go there later. Sicheng regretted he had said that to Taeyong because now he couldn’t stop him from pushing him towards his car.

Sicheng ended up in Taeyong’s car, sitting in the passenger seat next to him in silence, both hands holding the safety belt on his chest, trembling. Taeyong chuckled softly glancing at him.

“Are you always this nervous on your daily basis? No offense, okay. I’m just curious. It’s our second time meeting, and you always look so nervous for something I don’t know,” Taeyong started the conversation.

Sicheng looked down at his both hands. Okay, they’re obviously trembling and he didn’t have any energy to stop them because …

“I have—I have a little problem with … with car. Sort of,” Sicheng mumbled, breathing out shakily. He’s trying his best not to look so pitiful in front of Taeyong. And he lied when he said he had a little problem with car. _A little problem_ … no, that’s wrong. It’s a _massive_ _problem_ he had had for six years.

“Motion sickness?” Taeyong tried guessing.

Sicheng shook his head, eyes still focusing on the road instead. He didn’t even care if Taeyong noticed him shaking his head or not as he himself was controlling himself from trembling although he knew he already failed.

“It’s kinda … something from the past?” Taeyong was still trying. He mentally slapped his mouth and wished he didn’t say anything as he noticed the change on Sicheng’s face. _it was from the past_. Definitely.

“So … hey, you’re still wearing those gloves!” Taeyong suddenly chirped, causing Sicheng jolted in his seat. Okay, it’s his second mistake for today in less than a minute. The atmosphere inside the car escalated to the terribly awkward state because of him. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to talk to you because you’re so quiet,” Taeyong mumbled, slightly frowning.

Sicheng was still silent in passenger seat, tightening his grip on the seatbelt even more. He felt guilty for making someone apologized to him for something they didn’t do. This was how he didn’t like letting himself out of his apartment for long time because he knew, sooner or later he would hurt their feeling … eventually.

 

Johnny raised his brows in surprise, and in confusion, as he found his two friends who had not known each other, _yet_ , standing in front of his apartment door. Sicheng was standing awkwardly beside Taeyong who just waved his hand heartlessly.

“I see you unwelcoming me. Your eyes just told me that.” Taeyong pulled his hand down on his side, leaning his arm on the wall near the doorframe. “I’m still uninvited guest today?”

Johnny only rolled his eyes and turned to Sicheng, noticing something odd on his expression. “You came with him?” Before Sicheng could open his mouth to answer him, he snapped his head back to Taeyong and glared at the red-haired guy. “Did you take him here by your car?!”

Taeyong slightly jumped. “If you were me, would you let him walk by himself to go here? Dude, we met at the cafe that was five—no, six blocks away from your place. Hey, I’m not bad guy.”

“But he—“

“I know. He kinda has some phobia or something with car. I saw that and I’m sorry. And why are you so mad at me?” Taeyong looked so pissed.

Sicheng sighed silently watching two older males arguing something they didn’t even totally know in front of him. But somehow … he found it funny although it’s unnecessary.

“So why are you still here?” Johnny growled at Taeyong.

“I’m leaving!” Taeyong barked, eyes on fire, but as soon as he turned his head to Sicheng, his gaze softened and said a “Nice to meet you, Sicheng” before glaring back at Johnny. “You’re such an asshole,” he grunted, turning around to stomp his feet towards the stairs.

“Don’t you ever dare call me later!” Johnny shouted and got another curse from Taeyong before the latter disappeared from his sight.

“Are you this kind of friends?” Sicheng asked, walking into Johnny’s apartment.

“Why did you leave his studio?”

Sicheng stopped his hand that was reaching the fridge door. Okay, he completely forgot the reason Johnny asked him to come over. If only he could’ve made Taeyong stay with them now, maybe Johnny would forget about it. Hearing them bickering to each other like old couple was better than getting nags from Johnny for half an hour.

 

\-------------------------

Sicheng didn’t want this, but he couldn’t stop his feet that was leading him to Taeyong’s studio this afternoon. He sighed founding himself standing in front of the building after buying some packs of sausage at the grocery store for himself. He hesitated, torn between getting inside or just turning around and walking back to his apartment.

Before he could choose those two options, a hand patted his back and it jolted him, snapping his head towards his side to find Jaehyun, one of Taeyong’s dancers, grinning at him.

“You came again!”

He’s so cheerful and Sicheng could see it through his eyes. The dimples on his cheeks were so deep that he wanted to poke them.

“I … just …. I’m just … passing by and—“

“You wanna come in? We’re practicing new choreo today. And—“ Jaehyun’s eyes went down to Sicheng’s hand, pointing at the plastic bag he’s holding. “ What’s that?”

Sicheng opened his mouth but it got cut off again by the brown-haired guy.

“You bought these for us?”

Sicheng completely dumbfounded. Jaehyun literally dragged him by shoulders into the building and thanked him for buying the sausages for the dancers. Sicheng didn’t even get a chance to explain. Jaehyun was handsome and cute, but he’s just too talkactive.

Maybe it’s because Sicheng had hid himself from the world around him for such a long time to notice there were still people who liked to talk so much and so fast. Just like Jaehyun.

The first thing that welcomed Sicheng after Jaehyun pushing the dance room door open was the music blasting all over the room. The next thing was Taeyong in white hoodie teaching some dancers about new dance steps that they just practiced for the third time a minute ago, the other dancers were already on the floor, exhausted.

“We got extra snacks!” Jaehyun shouted, causing all of them, including Sicheng, turned their head to him.

Taeyong was the last one who looked at the door direction. He’s slightly panting, breathing through his mouth, sweat dripping down from his forehead, his red hair damped, some strands falling down to his eyes. He raised his head and his expression changed as he saw Sicheng. His tired face was disappeared. “Hey!” he waved to Sicheng.

Sicheng was about to raise his free hand to wave back, but he pulled it down quickly and bent down for a second to greet him politely. Taeyong was two older than him, anyway. And they’re not that close.

“You came again,” Taeyong said, approaching him.

“I was just …” Sicheng couldn’t finish his words as Jaehyun suddenly grabbed the plastic bag from his hold and showed it to Taeyong.

“Sicheng is so nice,” Jaehyun smiled before leaving them alone to approach the other dancers, handing the sausages to them.

Okay, those sausages were supposed to end up inside his fridge because he ran out of them. But today … they’re disappeared in ten seconds right in front of his eyes.

“You look healthier. That’s good.” Taeyong lightly punched Sicheng’s arm, but his little action already caused Sicheng to stumble a bit easily. “And skinny,” he mumbled, regretting what he just did to the younger. He warned himself not to do that anymore if he met him again next time. It felt like if he punched his arm a bit harder, he would send him out of the dance room and it wouldn’t be good at all for both of them.

“I’m … not disturbing your dance practice, right?” Sicheng asked hesitatingly.

Taeyong shook his head. “Nope. We’re on break for a couple of minutes. You wanna join us? I can teach you from the first step if you don’t mind.”

“No, thank you,” Sicheng said in a very polite way and it made Taeyong laughed.

“Since you’re here, I won’t let you get out easily. Wait here and I’ll treat you some delicious meal after this. You can’t say _no_.” Taeyong patted Sicheng’s shoulder before approaching his dancers, telling them to get ready on their positions.

Like a spell, Taeyong’s words worked on Sicheng. He found himself sitting in the corner of the room, back against the wall of mirror, cross-legged, eyes following every single step Taeyong made during practice. Other dancers were doing fine, but Taeyong was different. He looked more and more charismatic when he’s dancing, that facial expression, those body moves, everything.

Sicheng was too amazed on what he’s watching that he didn’t realize he just took off his right glove and placed it on his lap. His thumb scratched the skin between his index finger and his middle finger, moving it on some parts of his palm to do the same thing as he felt his right palm was itching.

The music was loud, but it’s cool enough to make Sicheng, _finally_ , moving his head slightly along to it. Too bad, it ended right when Sicheng was about to smile fully. He sighed watching everyone broke apart from the formation. Taeyong was clapping while gasping for air, telling everyone that they had worked hard. His eyes slightly glanced over Sicheng who was staring at all the dancers one by one with a little smile on his face.

“Sicheng, we’re done. I think the sausages you bought made us feel so energized today. Thanks, bro.” Jaehyun stood in front Sicheng, putting a dry towel around his head.

“That’s relief,” Sicheng murmured.

“Let’s get out of here, then. “ Jaehyun offered his hand to help Sicheng getting up from the floor. Without any hesitant, Sicheng grabbed his hand with his right hand and stood up.

It was the moment when he realized his bare skin directly touched Jaehyun’s sweaty hand. The familiar _pang_ hit his chest. He immediately pulled his hand away and fell backwards against the mirror behind him as felt he lost his balance. His right hand was trembling.

“Sicheng, what’s going on?!” Jaehyun shouted frantically, trying to hold Sicheng’s arm but got shoved by him a bit harshly.

Taeyong ran across the dance room to see what’s happening. He saw Sicheng crouching down and gasping as if the air was knocked out of his lungs.

“What’s going on with him?” Taeyong turned his head to Jaehyun.

“I-I don’t know, hyung. He’s suddenly like that after I helped him to stand up.”

Taeyong tossed his towel off to the floor and wrap his arm around Sicheng’s shoulder but Sicheng gave the same rejection to him.

“You’re not okay, Sicheng. Let me help you. We—we … okay, let’s go to my office room. Jaehyun get some water and bring it to my office room.” Taeyong put his arm back around Sicheng and this time his hold was a bit stronger that Sicheng couldn’t pull him away.

“Let… go … off … me,” Sicheng whimpered under his breath, trying to wiggle as strong as he could, but all his strength was weakening slowly, his free hand holding his right hand tightly. In the end, he let himself leaning all his weight on Taeyong, giving in what he’s trying to hold. He had no left energy to beat it, after all.

The next thing he knew after he opened his eyes was he already sitting on the couch inside Taeyong’s office room. His head was spinning and the loud ring inside his head was snapping all his sense back, forcing him to see what scene was flashing through his mind. It was Jaehyun’s face, smiling and laughing, and then the next scene was showing the brown-haired guy falling down from the stairs and screaming in pain. Sicheng wanted to get up and find where Jaehyun was, but he couldn’t move his body. Everything was so blurry and getting darker every second he breathed.

He passed out.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Holding onto the familiar skinny arm, crying into the crook of a warm neck, wrapping both arms around tiny waist, pouring all the sad feelings he had until he felt content …, but no, he couldn’t totally feel it. He wanted to cry, the tears flooding his eyes waiting for the right moment to drop and make his heart breaking into million pieces again. What he’s feeling wasn’t real. Everything around him was a lie. A nightmare he hated the most.

It was when he couldn’t feel that skinny and soft arm. He lost the warmth of that neck. The tiny waist was gone. He’s holding nothing. He’s all alone all over again.

“ _Mom_ …,” Sicheng whined quietly, breathing in slowly and slightly taking a back after he met the familiar sweet scent. His eyes fluttered open but they’re closed again as he felt his eyelids were so heavy.

Someone was holding his hand tightly, keeping all his fingers in their hold, rubbing the back of his hand gently. But he couldn’t feel their skin. All he felt was someone caressing the soft fabric against his own skin.

“Hey, you’re back.”

He heard soft voice, welcoming him when he opened his eyes again slowly. Then Johnny’s figure came to his vision, smiling down at him. He could see the relief expression on his face.

“Hyung …” he exhaled, gulping silently and shutting his eyes closed for a second.

“I don’t know if it’d sound good or not, but some ghosts know you’re my friend. They told me you’re in Taeyong’s studio and got that attack. Lucky enough, I was faster than the ambulance car and scarier when I yelled at Taeyong that was trying to send you to hospital and—“

Sicheng’s eyes widened as he heard Taeyong’s name. He remembered everything.

“Hyung, Jaehyun?! What time is it? Is he okay? Where’s he?” Sicheng got up, getting panicked all of sudden. He almost got down from the bed if Johnny didn’t hold his shoulders. He remembered all the scenes he saw on his mind. That brown haired guy was on danger and he had to warn him.

“He’s fine, Sicheng. He’s fine,” Johnny tried to soothe him. He didn’t like seeing Sicheng’s scared expression. He didn’t want the younger to blame himself if there’s something happen to other people. And of course he knew it beforehand after he asked his ghost friend whose hand Sicheng touched. He had warned Jaehyun about it vaguely, like … he told Jaehyun to be careful with everything around him, mentioning anything that could harm him; slippery floor, stairs, lift, door, knife, road, car, post sign, tree, drunk people who liked to bring their empty soju bottle everywhere, truck, electricity cable, anything. And as he expected, Jaehyun went blank on it, lips hanging not knowing how to respond.

“He’s fine,” Johnny replayed his answer. _At least for now, I don’t know later._

Sicheng’s shoulders slumped down, exhaling long sigh. He would just trust Johnny this time. If Jaehyun was fine, that meant he could avoid the curse and saved him instead.

His eyes went down to look at his both hands. The ugly patterns on the gloves were mocking him, laughing at his stupidity today. Yes, he’s blaming himself again. He shouldn’t have take off his glove. He shouldn’t have let Jaehyun take his hand. No, he shouldn’t have went to Taeyong’s studio. He shouldn’t have left his apartment.

He should’ve locked himself inside his apartment forever!

“How I wish I have a power to read your mind so I can stop you from thinking too much.” Johnny reached out to stroke Sicheng’s hair gently. But then again, he didn’t need any power to read Sicheng’s mind because he could see it clearly through Sicheng’s face.

“I’m not asking for a hug,” Sicheng murmured.

“You are.” Johnny sifted on the bedside and hugged Sicheng, letting the latter rested his head on his shoulder. There’s a inaudible voice from the front door direction, whispering him about something before that voice was gone in the air. “You need to eat something.” He tightened his arms around Sicheng.

 

 

\-----------------------------

Taeyong was wandering around his office room with brows frowned as if he’s thinking something seriously. His coffee had been untouched for an hour on his desk and he wouldn’t drink it anytime soon or maybe… he would let it be like that until one of his staff took it away.

 _As if he’s thinking something seriously_? Taeyong was definitely thinking of something and it’s about Sicheng who had gone without any update after that day, after that accident in his studio, after Johnny picked up the younger with so much worried expression on his face, carrying him in a very protective yet delicate hold without saying anything.

Sicheng disappeared as if he never existed.

It would be a big lie if Taeyong didn’t care about Sicheng. Yeah, he and Sicheng were not friends … _yet_. They could’ve been friends if only Sicheng could talk more and be more open to him. But then … two times meetings were not enough to make a comfortable atmosphere between them.

Taeyong was curious.

Taeyong was worried as well.

And today he just couldn’t hold himself … eventually. He grabbed his coat and his phone before rushing out of his office room. He even merely waved his hand when some dancers greeted him from across the hallway and kept running to chase the lift as its door was about to close.

“ _What_?” Johnny’s voice came out after he’d tried to call him for two minutes.

“Where are you?” He asked, pulling down the seatbelt and turning on the car engine.

“ _I’m in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet because I’m poo—_ “

“I know you like details, but it’s disgusting. So, you’re in your apartment?”

“ _Nope_. _I’m in the bathroom inside grocery store._ ”

“Send me the address and I’ll pick you up.”

“ _I’m not your grandma._ ”

“I was expecting you to say that you’re not my weak boyfriend, but it’s okay. Let me treat you as my grandma today.”

 

Johnny came out of the grocery store with two big plastic bags in his both hands and walked forwards to Taeyong’s car in front of the store, thanking his friend for helping him putting all the bags into the backseat and climbing up into the front passenger seat after Taeyong gestured him to get inside the car.

“You’re not my type, Lee Taeyong. I’d rather to date a hot female ghost than spend my peaceful life with you as boyfriends or something,” Johnny said as he leaned into the seat.

Taeyong only snorted, eyes focusing on the road while driving his car in standard speed.

“You’re not taking me home for nothing. I know you very well,” Johnny spoke after two minutes silence. “What is it? What do you want?”

Taeyong didn’t answer. He let himself drive the car faster to avoid red light and put the speed back on standard. “How’s Sicheng? It’s been a week and there’s no any news about him at all.” The words just came out like that in casual tone.

Johnny slightly raised his brows. “He’s fine,” He lied. “Why does it sound I have to inform you everything about him? I smell something fishy.”

Taeyong blinked nervously for no reason, tightening his grips on the wheel.

“Don’t tell me you—“

“Don’t assume weird things,” Taeyong warned firmly, his cheeks faintly blushing all of sudden. Luckily, Johnny didn’t see it as he’s busy giggling in his seat. “Our last meeting didn’t end pretty well. I just wanna know if he’s fine or not since you didn’t say anything when you took him. Nothing more.”

Johnny only smiled. He turned his head to look at the side view through the car window. He didn’t blame Taeyong for asking about Sicheng because he himself didn’t know about Sicheng’s current condition either after the younger went out of his apartment at dawn. He had tried to go to his apartment several times, but he couldn’t find him. He couldn’t even contact him either. This situation hit him like déjà vu. The similar moment when Sicheng suddenly disappeared for a whole year and he couldn’t find him anywhere. Having a power to communicate with ghost was useless either, as ghosts didn’t show up easily like what he hoped. They would appear if they wanted to, if they needed to.

There’s quite long silence inside the car until they arrived in front of Johnny’s apartment building. Johnny walked towards the building while Taeyong parked his car on parking lot and then climbed up to the third floor together a couple minutes later.

“If you want some drink, go get it by yourself. I think I still have two or three cokes and two beers in there.” Johnny put all his groceries on the counter.

Taeyong only nodded silently as made his way to the fridge to take out a can of beer. He turned around to lean his back against the fridge door sipping the beer slowly as he watched Johnny wandering around the kitchen.

“Move, please,” Johnny said politely, yet he shoved Taeyong aside a bit rudely to open his fridge.

Taeyong only snorted and leaned his hips on the edge of the counter instead. “Tell me about him,” he said a minute later, placing an empty on the counter.

“Who? Sicheng?”

“Yup.”

Johnny didn’t answer at first and kept being busy with some cartons of egg.

“Believe me. It’s nothing. I just wanna know more about him like … uhmm … basic manner of _hey-we-can-be-friends-in-the-future_ starter.”

Johnny completely stared at Taeyong with expressionless look which forced Taeyong to sigh and duck his head down for a second.

“I don’t understand,” Johnny said before turning his head away.

“Me either. I don’t even know what I just said,” Taeyong murmured.

“Should I kick your ass back to kindergarten or elementary school so you can speak Korean more properly?” Johnny snickered.

“Are you changing topic right now? I just wanna know basic things about him. _Nothing more_. Who knows someday he’s part of my dance club. As an owner of the dance club, I have a right to know some things about people who have a chance to join my club. Does my answer make sense?”

Johnny only shrugged and showed his back while made a coffee for himself.

Another silence hit them again.

It was likely made by Johnny who kept his mouth shut and didn’t move after his coffee was done. But after a couple of minutes, he let out a silent sigh and closed his eyes.

“Can you help me?” Johnny asked and turned around to look at Taeyong who just furrowed his brows.

“A help?”

 

\------------------------

A loud sound of dog barking just surprised Sicheng from his silent walk after passing an empty park in the middle of the night. He put his hood back on after it slumped down on his back when he jolted backward abruptly. Probably the lack of sleep and tiredness were the most relatable reasons why he reacted like that, even worse than he used to. And what he had been doing for the last two weeks which was quiet similar with what he had done before could be another reason; sneaking out of his own apartment like a thief in the very early morning and disappearing for a whole day before coming back to his apartment in the middle of the night with horrible dark circles under his eyes to get some sleep until he met the next early morning again to repeat the same thing.

But tonight … he didn’t want to go back to his apartment yet though he already felt tired and sleepy. He stopped in his tracks a second he saw the front side of his apartment building and only looked up at the top of the building before continue walking further, further and further. He let his mind go blank, throwing out all things that had punched inside his head. That’s not easy, he knew it very well, but he’s trying to let it go tonight so that he could walk around freely for a while.

He ducked his head after plugging the earphones and walked through the empty street slowly. The silence comforted him for some reason. He liked it. He felt secured being alone like this, but somehow … the slight uneasy feeling still lingered, bombarding his mind with many questions; Was shutting himself out the right choice? Was ignoring all Johnny’s phone calls the right choice? Was hiding himself from people the right choice? It’s obvious that he’s doubting his own decision, right? Yet he couldn’t help himself. _So pathetic._

The silence walk broke as he heard someone cursing, forcing him to raise his head only to find that he’s already in a familiar block; two cloth stores on his right side, one book store and two different cafés on his left side across the street, and … one building at the end of the block with a shinning board on the top of the building.

His eyes stop wandering around when he heard that voice again. This time he knew where that voice came from. He saw a guy in a black slamming his car door a bit harshly in front of the building and grunting as something dropped on his shoes. And the moment that guy accidentally pulled down his hood, Sicheng blinked in a slight surprise.

That’s Taeyong. His red hair looked so messy and his face looked so tired. He’s struggling with something in his hands.

Out of all the places Sicheng could walk around, he didn’t know why he really _had to_ end up to be here, around this block.

He froze on his spot, not knowing what to do. His mind told him to ignore him and continue his walk to the other side of the street. But in the corner of his mind, an unknown voice secretly wanted him to greet the red-haired guy first because … _he had to_? But why would he do that?

He stayed silent like that struggling with his own mind. He didn’t even notice Taeyong’s car already moved towards the empty street beside him. His eyes caught Taeyong leaning the back of his head against headrest while drove his car, brows furrowing as if he’s thinking of something serious. Sicheng still froze there when the black car passed him. There’s no any sign the older noticed his presence near his studio, in the dark side of the empty street. Not to mention he also wore all black clothes in the middle of the night. _Great, Sicheng_.

Sighing silently, he put his both hands inside his hoodie pockets and turning around to get back to his apartment building. He’s about to walk again when the car suddenly stopped and moved backwards approaching him. There’s a weird sensation inside his chest as the car stopped right beside him, even worse when Taeyong came out of the car and dropped his gaze on him from the side of the car.

“Sicheng?” Taeyong asked, squinting his eyes because he couldn’t see Sicheng clearly.

Sicheng hesitatingly pulled down his hood, slightly fixing his hair before bowing his head to greet Taeyong.

As soon as Sicheng looked at him back, Taeyong grinned and walked around his car to approach him. “I didn’t know we would meet here,” he said, giving a light slap on Sicheng’s arm but he furrowed his brows as he noticed how skinny Sicheng was in that hoodie, even skinnier than the last time he saw him. He wanted to ask if he’s okay since he didn’t know his condition after that day. But he refused to do it as he thought he’d cross the line. The younger seemed not to be comfortable yet with him.

“Where are you going in the middle of the night like this?” Taeyong asked, putting one hand into the pocket of his dark jeans. “Can I join? Today workshop really stressed me up. Some dancers couldn’t go to studio because —“

“What happened to them? Are they okay? How about Jaehyun? Is he okay?”

Sicheng’s sudden questions made Taeyong startled. He stared at him for a second before chuckling. “They’re fine. It’s just … they had to go to two high schools separately for weekly dance class. That’s why the workshop in my studio didn’t really get organized since my best dancers were out at the same time,” There’s a short pause. “And Jaehyun is fine.”

Sicheng breathed out in relief silently, pulling out his hand from the pocket to rub his face. The rough fabric of his glove slightly scratched his skin.

 _Jaehyun is fine_.

Sicheng knew Johnny had told him before, but somehow … after hearing the same thing from Taeyong, he felt more relieved.

“Hey, you still owe me an answer.”

Sicheng pulled his hand away from his face and brought it down back to his side. “What?”

“ _Where are you going in the middle of the night like this_? I need the answer. You’re not sleep walking, right?” Taeyong repeated his question, slightly slipping a little joke to break Sicheng’s nervous face.

“I’m going back to my apartment.”

“From where?”

Sicheng didn’t answer at first, but then he forced himself to smile a little. “Somewhere.”

For a moment, Taeyong only stared at him with unreadable look before patting his back gently. “I’ll walk you home. Come on.”

Sicheng turned his head towards Taeyong’s car and pointed it out. “But your car …”

“It’s fine. I can come back here after walking you home. Let’s just say … I need some night fresh air. Inhaling cold air from air-conditioner is not good for my lungs …” Taeyong mumbled as he started walking. He scratched his nape as his silent judgment on his nonsense words.

Sicheng followed the older after he’s frozen for five seconds. At first, he wanted to say _no_ , but the word was stuck on the tip of his tongue and got swallowed back down to his throat. So, here he was, walking back through the same empty street with Taeyong.

He wondered … why every time they met and had a moment together, they’d always end up being silent. Oh, maybe it’s him who couldn’t say much due to his awkwardness. He’s bad at interacting with human being, remember?

“Should we make some conversation? Like … _how have you been, how are you, where have you been_?” Taeyong spoke after they walked in silence for fifteen minutes.

“The questions sound like for me,” Sicheng hummed and surprisingly, Taeyong heard him.

“I’m the obvious here, Sicheng. I’m okay not okay. Literally get frustrated over simple things since I’m a perfectionist. Don’t get me wrong. I’m talking about my work. I’m always in my studio for a whole day. I sleep, eat, wake up, and dance in my studio. My studio is like my second home, after all,” Taeyong blabbered, hand moving here and there to dramatize his words, pouting his lips when he remembered how his feet turned into jelly after teaching his students for four hours. 

Sicheng unconsciously smiled at Taeyong. “What is your first home, then?” That question just slipped out of his mouth like that. And Taeyong’s reaction forced him to feel regret. The older’s face changed. He could feel he shouldn’t have asked him with that question. Taeyong looked uncomfortable, at least that what he thought.

“My apartment, of course,” Taeyong chuckled, reaching out to pat Sicheng’s arm. “It’s just … I barely go there since I have a lot of things to do in my studio. But I always try to clean it up once a month. No, once a week? Kind of.”

Sicheng nodded quietly, ducking his head down to stare at the ground. Their walk was so slow that Sicheng thought they would arrive at his apartment building at five in the morning.

“What about you?” Now it’s Taeyong’s turn. When Sicheng didn’t say anything, he sighed. “It’s unfair, you know that? I’ve told you my answer. You can’t do this to me. Come on, boy.” He nudged Sicheng’s arm with his elbow and pouted as the younger turned his head to him.

There were so many thoughts flying through his mind that Sicheng had to take some minutes to prepare himself. It was unnecessary, he got it, but he couldn’t tell everything, anything, to stranger. Okay, it would sound so rude if he labeled Taeyong as a stranger, but it was just … that. The fact that Taeyong was Johnny’s friend didn’t mean he’s his friend, too.

“You’re doing it again, not giving me any answer,” Taeyong clicked his tongue in a slight disappointment.

“I’m sorry,” Sicheng murmured.

Another silent walk continued. Taeyong shifted closer to Sicheng after playfully kicking a small stone aside and accidentally brushed his arm against Sicheng but he didn’t apologize. For several times, their arms bumped into each other and none of them made any reaction. But the _plot_ twisted when Taeyong suddenly slipped over a small plastic he stepped on and almost stumbled forwards if Sicheng didn’t grab his arm quickly to steady him. The younger pulled him a bit hardly that he bumped against his chest.

“And clumsy,” Taeyong cleared his throat after pulling himself away from Sicheng’s hold.

“Yes?” Sicheng raised brows, confused.

“Clumsy. I mean I’m clumsy. Like this. I don’t even know how many times I dropped my head first in the back seat of my car when I tried to reach my stuff from the driver seat. I’m 24/7 busy, being grumpy, busy and clumsy,” Taeyong explained while brushed his hair off his face in a cool way to cover how embarrassed he was.

“I’ll remember that.”

And Sicheng’s nonchalant respond just made Taeyong feel more embarrassed that he wanted to dig the ground in front of him and bury himself.

“You’re so innocent. I hate you.” Taeyong hold himself from pinching Sicheng’s cheek or ruffling his hair and he exhaled loudly instead. “Is this the reason why Johnny always says that you’re a special friend? Wow, I get it now. You’re so lovable, I see.” For a second, he wanted to slap his own mouth, but after seeing Sicheng’s cheeks went red, he felt proud of himself. Somehow.

Sicheng couldn’t deny he’s flustered on Taeyong’s words. But he felt more guilty for letting Taeyong saying something like that when he didn’t know about who he really was. If only Taeyong knew how dark and bad his life was and how dangerous his impact when he’s interacting with people was, probably he wouldn’t have said that. How could he get called as lovable person when he couldn’t even save people from bad things? If only Taeyong knew his hands were cursed, he wouldn’t have given him that warm smile.

“Is that the building?” Taeyong reached out pointing at the small building in front of him.

Sicheng looked up and nodded.

“So … I guess  ... it has to end here. I mean our third … wait, fourth? Fourth meeting? Whatever, forget it. I’m glad to meet you again, Sicheng,” Taeyong said.

For some reason, Sicheng didn’t want to end this. He wished the building was a bit further away from them so they still could walk and talk more, but …

“Thank you for …” Sicheng paused. “ … are you okay walking back to your car alone? That’s quite far …” he hesitated to ask.

“You want to go back with me? Walking from here to there together back and forth?” Taeyong giggled. “I’m okay, anyway. Well, I’m strong enough to knock down some bad people if they ever bother me later.”

Sicheng hummed and gave a small nod. “Go … home … safely …, hyu—“

“What did you say?” Taeyong cut off as he didn’t catch what Sicheng said.

It took more than five seconds for Sicheng to repeat what he just said. This time his cheeks were faintly blushing. He’s lucky enough there’s barely any light near them so Taeyong couldn’t see his red cheeks clearly. And one more good  thing, Taeyong was already content after hearing him repeating his words.

“Goodbye, Sicheng.” Taeyong walked backwards slowly, waving his hand in slow motion.

Sicheng bowed to Taeyong awkwardly before turning around to walk towards the building. But he stopped as he heard Taeyong calling his name.

“Hey, uhmm … how about …. going out to grab some coffee or snack or something tomorrow?” Taeyong’s voice sounded so slow that _, maybe_ , Sicheng didn’t hear him.

“What did you just say?” Sicheng asked. Yes, he didn’t hear what Taeyong said.

Taeyong sighed silently and said, “Let’s go to somewhere tomorrow morning.” Sicheng looked like he’s about to say something but he raised his hand to stop him. “Can you just say _yes_ for this? I have _rare_ free time tomorrow and want to go out but no one has a time for me. Even Johnny kicked me out of his place when I tried to ask him out for a fake date. I’m not saying I’m asking you to go out for a date, but somehow it sounds like that. I just … wanna drink coffee or eat something and talk with someone in a café, or in a park, or somewhere else like … in general.”

Sicheng completely lost his words. Not only because Taeyong kept talking this and that that he couldn’t totally understand, but also he’s torn between accepting his offer or not.

“I’ll pick you up at ten. You better not disappear, okay?” Taeyong didn’t even give Sicheng a chance to reply. He waved his hand for the last time before filling his way out of Sicheng’s apartment building area, walking through the same street with an amused smile across his face. After fishing out his phone from the pocket of his jeans, he typed something and sent it to Johnny.

_We’re going out tomorrow._

 


	4. Chapter 4

For almost ten minutes, Sicheng stood in front the foggy mirror inside the bathroom. He had cleaned himself up half an hour ago, already pulling on some clothes and only ruffling his damp hair a bit. His face looked fresh after having a proper contact with water, though he still could see his dark circles.

He would meet Taeyong this morning at ten and he already felt nervous to think about it. He would meet someone he didn’t really know when he’s supposed to hide himself from people out there. It’s weird that Taeyong’s words were like a strong spell for him that he had no power to say _no_. Deep down inside his mind, he felt as he just betrayed himself, but on the other side, it wasn’t wrong if he wanted to hang out with someone like what people normally did.

“As long as you with me, I’ll be fine, right?” Sicheng murmured to the brown colored gloves that were wrapped his both hands tightly as he stepped down the stairs and walked slowly towards the front area of the building.

Taeyong was already standing outside, leaning his back against the wall of glass while playing something on his phone. He’s wearing dark blue ripped jeans and plain black T-shirt under a dark leather jacket. Sicheng found it gorgeous no matter what.

“Oh, you’re here!” Taeyong put down his phone from his face and slipped it back into the pocket of his jacket before greeting Sicheng. “We need to fix those dark circles and that super skinny form, don’t we?” he made a gesture with his both hands on Sicheng’s face and his skinny arm.

Before Sicheng could process what he just heard, Taeyong pulled his arm so they could start walking. Taeyong said he didn’t need his car when he had a time with Sicheng, likely he knew Sicheng’s weakness so he’s kind enough not to bother their moment.

The first place they visited was a café near Sicheng’s apartment building to get their favorite coffees before continuing their walk through the street. Taeyong paid their coffees and a small bag of cookies as an extra snack though Taeyong was the only one who ate almost all the cookies by himself when they’re heading to the next place: a park.

Sicheng found himself letting out small smiles several times, mostly not because of Taeyong’s funny stories about how he and his dance club got stuck inside the elevator, how he had a very weird student and other funny stories, but because he kept making clumsy moves throughout their walk; suddenly tripping on his own shoe and almost fell down if he didn’t hold Sicheng’s arm, choking on his own coffee as he’s talking excitedly and dropping his cookies crumbs on the front side of his T-shirt while munching in it.

“You still wanna join my dance club or not?” Taeyong made other topic as he found an empty bench inside the park, which was right beside the children playground. He nudged Sicheng to sit on it first.

“I can’t dance,” Sicheng answered, short. He settled down on the bench, both hands holding his coffee and placing it on his lap.

“But Johnny said you like dancing. Well, if you said you can’t dance, it’s not like I can’t teach you, though. I’m ready whenever you change your mind.”

“Thanks.” Sicheng raised his hand to scratch his temple. The fabric of his glove he’s wearing today seemed softer than yesterday.

They’re in silence for moment to watch some kids running and playing around the playground. Their innocent smile and laugh looked so endearing for both of them, yet hurting their feelings for some reason as they recalled some memories from the past.

“Nice gloves,” Taeyong put his old memories to the back of his head and turned to look down at Sicheng’s hands.

Sicheng blinked, ignoring the dark memories in his past that flashing through his mind and looking back at Taeyong instead.

“But the ones you wore when we met at the first time in my studio were cooler. I mean …black and stars patterns. Looked cool, though.” Taeyong leaned his back into the bench.

“Johnny hyung bought them for me before I went to your studio,” Sicheng answered as polite as he could and it made Taeyong giggle and almost pinched his cheeks but he pulled his hand back half way.

“Any reason why you always wear gloves? No offense, I’m just curious, nothing more. Like … the winter is already over and … wait a minute … OCD?” Taeyong furrowed his brows at Sicheng. “You know what I mean? Or … you have some allergy with something if you touch it with bare hand like … hold on, I need to gather all the words right now …” his eyes were wandering around, trying to pick right words to describe what he wanted to say.

“My skin is kind of sensitive. Especially these areas.” Sicheg raised his both hands. “I don’t want to wear these gloves, but if I don’t wear them, I will …” _hurt people after I touch their hands_. ”My hands will start to feel so itchy because of the dust around me.”

“That’s why you barely get out of your apartment?” Taeyong was supposed to say to himself, but his voice came out a bit loudly. Sicheng only smiled a little and brought his hand back on his sides.

“Is your allergy that serious? As I recall, you were like having mental breakdown after touching Jaehyun’s hand. Honestly, I was so scared that I couldn’t think clearly when I brought you into my office room.” Taeyong’s hand moved by itself putting away a small petal that dropped softly on Sicheng’s hair and it froze there after accidentally touching his smooth hair.

“I wasn’t feeling well,” Sicheng said slowly and bowed his head slightly as an apology.

Without any hesitant, Taeyong moved his hand touching Sicheng’s hair and petting his head lightly from the back. “It’s okay. It must be hard for you. Having allergy like that isn’t wrong though. Some people out there also have the similar thing like you, maybe worse. I can’t tell much because I don’t have one.” His hand dropped on Sicheng’s shoulder and squeezed it a bit for a good measure.

Sicheng could only smile bitterly. Taeyong’s words were like a fake comfort when in fact his hands were cursed and there’s no cure that could help him out. But at least …, he felt there’s one more person who cared about him besides Johnny..

“Where do you want to go next?” Taeyong pulled his hand off as he felt Sicheng’s shoulders stiffened.

Sicheng turned his head to Taeyong, not saying anything but his eyes indirectly told Taeyong that he wanted to stay a little bit longer. And Taeyong apparently noticed it.

“You like this place. Okay. We can be here as long as you want.” Taeyong grinned halfheartedly and pretended to clear his throat. Well, it’s not like he want to get out of this place hurriedly, he just wanted to asked Sicheng. Just asking. Spending the morning or maybe the whole day with Sicheng here wasn’t a big deal for him. Really.

It wasn’t definitely big deal as eventually, they ended up in the park for two hours sitting on the same bench side by side talking about random things. Sicheng could finally be more relaxed in the last fifteen minutes leaning his back into the bench and letting out small laughs. But too bad, he didn’t see someone was fixing their gaze on him every time he looked away and laughed.

“You’re cute when you’re smiling like that,” Taeyong said it loudly and firmly causing Sicheng to blush. “I mean it. You have to smile like that more in the future because … here.” Taeyong leaned in, reaching out his both hands to touch Sicheng’s cheekbones. “When you smile, these things come up like apples and they make you look more and more beautiful to the point I really want to squeeze them. So cute, oh my God.” He growled lowly under his breath as he’s trying to hold himself from pressing Sicheng’s cheeks with his both hands as he found the younger’s cuteness was overload.

Sicheng lost his words. Apparently … someone was wanting to _eat_ him just because of his cuteness and he didn’t know how to react.

“You’re the first person who said something like that to me,” Sicheng murmured after Taeyong pulled back with a long sigh. The older was slightly surprised.

“I thought you and Johnny were really close …” Taeyong stopped his words.

“He’s worse?” Sicheng wasn’t sure how to said it but Taeyong already cackled throwing his own head backwards as if he just heard something really funny.

“I knew it. He’s such a hopeless romantic guy. No wonder he hasn’t dated someone for almost … how long has it been? Wait a minute, three years? Maybe more.”

Sicheng could only smile dryly and looked away. He knew the reason why Johnny had not dated someone for long time was him. He’d been bothering his life too much. “Is … is he … okay?” That question finally came out of his mouth after contemplating with his own mind.

Taeyong stopped his laugh slowly and pressed his lips, looking at Sicheng silently as the younger seemed like he really needed an answer from him. He then shook his head. “I don’t know if you believe me or not, but he looks like this now.” He showed his pinky finger. “I don’t know about the problem between you two either, but … he looks more terrible than he used to.”

Sicheng believed him.

“Two men fight and don’t talk to each other, that’s normal if they’re friends. Just … try to make it up later. That’s the only advice I can give. He’s my friend. And yours as well. But he looks like more affected when he can’t contact you than me. Guess who’s more special here?” Taeyong smiled, giving a light rub on Sicheng’s wrist before telling him to get up.

Another strong spell from Taeyong and Sicheng blinked as a _yes_. He would go to Johnny’s apartment to apologize later, he could make sure to do it. But for now, he would just let that plan stay at the back of his head as Taeyong offered him to buy lunch for both of them before heading to Han River. He’s already this far letting himself out of his comfort zone, letting Taeyong to _control_ him today, letting himself to befriend with someone new.

 

\------------------------

Johnny being mad at him, Johnny starting to nag for hours, Johnny yelling at him and Johnny kicking him out of his apartment only existed in Sicheng imagination and never happened at all as he got pulled into the apartment and he found himself being trapped in a pair of strong arms a second he knocked Johnny’s apartment door. He could hear a long sigh coming out of Johnny’s mouth, fanning against his cold neck. And the hug went tighter for a couple of minutes.

“Have you eaten?”

That’s the first question from Johnny after he pulled back and scanned Sicheng properly from head to toe as if he’s making sure Sicheng didn’t lose any piece of himself.

Sicheng shook his head and that’s enough sign for Johnny to fly into the kitchen to place a bowl on the counter, putting a small portion of rice into it, shifting a bit to the fridge to take out a bowl of chicken soup and placing it into the microwave for a minute and frying some frozen _donkatsus_. He made a simple dinner for Sicheng in less than thirty minutes and everything was done on his small dining table. He lightly knocked the table, gesturing Sicheng to sit at the dining table.

Sicheng silently sat down one of the chairs while Johnny took another one across from him. None of them made a voice as Sicheng was feeding himself until he felt full enough to drop his spoon back on the table for the last time and took two sips of his water.

“You want some coffee?” Johnny spoke a minute later and got back to the kitchen after Sicheng nodded.

When he just turned on his coffee machine and prepared two empty mugs, he felt a pair of long arms wrapping around his waist. He silently smiled.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Sicheng said quietly, leaning his forehead against the back of Johnny’s nape.

Johnny didn’t say anything, his eyes fixing on the coffee machine that’s still going. But his right hand moved rubbing Sicheng’s glove at his front.

“When you does something wrong, you’re always like this. So clingy,” Johnny responded five seconds later. “You didn’t get hurt, right? You didn’t skip your meal, right? You had proper rest?”

Sicheng moved a bit, resting his forehead on Johnny’s shoulder and tightening his hands around his waist. He couldn’t answer his questions because all he did was the opposite. He got hurt, skipped his meal and didn’t have proper rest.

“Let’s talk after I finish this.” Johnny reached out to give a slight ruffle on Sicheng’s hair. The younger pulled away and walked back to the couch.

Yes, the only thing they could do was talking. Especially, Sicheng who had a lot of things to explain.

“Here.” Johnny appeared near Sicheng a couple of minutes later handing a mug of coffee. He’s about to take the other couch to sit on, but Sicheng clutched the edge of his cardigan stopping him from moving.

“Sit here,” Sicheg said, looking up to give Johnny those puppy eyes. Without saying anything, Johnny settled himself next to Sicheng.

“So …” Johnn began. “Where have you been? Taeyong told me he saw you walking alone in the middle of the night when he’s going home.”

Sicheng almost forgot that Johnny and Taeyong were friends. Of course, Taeyong would tell everything to Johnny. He wasn’t blaming Taeyong though.

“In my parent’s old house,” Sicheng answered quietly, ducking his head to look at the black liquid inside the mug blankly.

Johnny sighed, stroking Sicheng’s hair gently. “Felt better after spending your time in there?”

Sicheng wanted to say he’s not sure about that feeling when in fact, actually he didn’t do anything in there, just sitting on the couch that covered by dust for hours and letting himself hungry until the time for him to got out of there coming. He only bought some instant _kimbaps_ on his way back to his apartment. That’s all.

“I don’t know.” Sicheng shrugged.

“Stay here for a couple of days. Don’t say _no_ ,” Johnny’s last words sounded so firm and bit loud as Sicheng was about to protest. “Anyway… how about your date with Taeyong?”

Sicheng quickly turned his head and widened his eyes. His cheeks were blushing all of sudden. “That wasn’t a date!”

“Whatever you call it,” Johnny snickered. “Was it fun? Taeyong is so chatty. He didn’t give you a chance to talk, right?”

Didn’t give him a chance to talk? It was more like Taeyong saved him since he didn’t talk much. It’d been awkward if Taeyong was silent as well.

“Seems like he likes you, though,” Johnny continued and the red on Sicheng’s cheeks got worse.

“We were just hanging out and talking,” Sicheng still tried to correct whatever Johnny wanted to say.

“Watch him asking you to go out for the second date, third date and—“ Johnny paused as he had to hold Sicheng’s hand when the younger was about to hit him. “Look, Sicheng. Taeyong is nice guy. He’s my friend, remember?”

 


	5. Chapter 5

When Johnny said Taeyong would ask him to go out for the _second date_ , he wasn’t lying. Taeyong appeared in front of Johnny’s apartment and told the tall guy about it bluntly to the point Sicheng who’s still inside Johnny’s room could hear his voice clearly.

“Second date is tonight.”

Sicheng dropped his butt on the edge of the bed and crouched down burying his face into the pillow to hide his blushing cheeks. It’s not right.

“You just said _a date_. I’m not hearing something weird, right? I’m pretty sure I’m not deaf,” Johnny spoke, deadpanned. His hand was still stretching out across the doorway to lean it against the doorframe.

“Hm. You’re not deaf.” Taeyong nodded.

“Give me a reason.”

Taeyong snorted, shoving Johnny’s hand away so he could step into the apartment. His eyes were wandering around to find the younger. “Where is he?” He turned around to ask Johnny who just closed the door and joined him into the small living room.

“Answer my question first.” Johnny folded his arms on his chest.

“Wow.” Taeyong leaned his hip on the armrest of the couch, judging the taller guy. “Don’t tell me you’re acting like his parent. Dude, he’s twenty one, not ten.”

“Since he doesn’t have parents, I’m in the charge of being—“ Johnny paused abruptly, pressing his lips in regret and turning his head to his closed bedroom. He wanted to smack his own mouth for saying that. He hoped his voice didn’t loud enough for Sicheng to hear from his bedroom.

Taeyong face changed, as if he understood why Johnny suddenly didn’t continue his words. His gaze moved towards Johnny’s bedroom and stared at it softly.

“I left my car in my studio and paid Yuta for keeping his eyes on it for a whole night. At least, I don’t need any reason why I’m asking Sicheng to go out because … “ Taeyong ruffled his own hair in frustration. “Notice my efforts to get here, please.”

“You’re exaggerating everything,” Johnny hissed and walked towards his room to knock the door. “Sicheng, you got a guest here. Make sure to wear warm clothes. It’s cold outside.”

Taeyong rolled his eyes.”I’m not asking him to sleep on the street. Geez …”

Johnny ignored him and walked back on the dining table to continue doing his work as a freelance editor. A couple of minutes later, Sicheng came out of the bedroom wearing a brown coat. He slightly got surprised seeing Taeyong waving at him playfully with a wide grin. Johnny only snorted from the dining table.

“Hyung, we’re leaving.” Sicheng turned to look at Johnny who just waved his hand without tearing his eyes away from the screen.

The walk was more relaxed tonight. Sicheng felt happy somehow. Happier than the previous meeting or _date_ … whatever. They kept making conversation after conversation with different topics though it mostly Taeyong who started it. Like usual. Giggling over random things they saw through the street. Well, actually every single thing they saw tonight was normal, not even funny, but they way Taeyong described it always made Sicheng laugh unconsciously. 

After an hour walk, Taeyong dragged Sicheng into a restaurant. They ordered small portions steak for a dinner. The conversation continued, the topic was about Taeyong’s new dancers. The older kept saying it’s pity Sicheng still didn’t want to join his dance club. Sicheng only respond him with an apologetic smile.

“Hey, you wanna taste new experience,” Taeyong spoke a second they’re out of the restaurant.

“What’s that?” Sicheng asked in curiosity.

“The place is two blocks away from here. You won’t regret it, trust me.”

Sicheng slightly hesitated, but Taeyong already grabbed his hand, caressing a soft fabric of Sicheng’s glove to reassure him. “We’re just gonna drink and listen to some loud music. We’re adult, anyway. Drinking one or two glasses isn’t wrong, though. If you get drunk, I’ll take you home. Come on.”

The upcoming protest faded away as soon as Sicheng felt the warmth of Taeyong’s hand through his glove, spreading all over his skin until it reached to his chest, causing something inside it jumping up and down in rapid pace. It’s not bad sign, by the way.

He said _yes_.

 

 _Neo_ Club wasn’t a very popular club in town, but it’s quite packed every weekend, just like tonight. The music was blasting to the point Sicheng thought he would be deaf if he stayed here five minute longer. Taeyong never let go off his hand until they reached the bar near the dance floor. After jumping on two high chairs, Taeyong ordered a vodka for himself and something lighter for Sicheng.

“A mixed beer and _soju_ is fine,” Sicheng cut him off to which caused Taeyong to raise his brows in surprise.

“I thought you’re—“

“I’m twenty one, not ten.”

Sicheng quick answer made Taeyong chuckle.

A loud screams from the dance floor forced Sicheng to look over his shoulders. The crowd was crazy down there, people releasing their stress by moving their bodies along with the music. It looked so messy and fun, but Sicheng didn’t want to move from his seat. Mostly people lost their mind when they’re on there, touching and grabbing everything near them and Sicheng didn’t like it. That’s why he brought his head back to see the bartender serving his drink on the bar. He even gave him an extra bottle of _soju_ , in case he needed to drink more later.

“When did the last time you drink?” Taeyong had to lean closer to ask Sicheng as the music was too loud for him.

“A year ago,” Sicheng answered shortly before sipping his drink. Yeah, it’s exactly a year ago, when he decided to disappear. He flooded his stomach with beer every time he couldn’t control his emotion and felt depressed to the point he could feel his liver bursting out. There was a moment he thought he’s dying when he kept throwing up the next day.

So, a glass of mixed beer-soju and a bottle of soju tonight weren’t a big deal for him.

“Let’s drink as much as you want, then. I’m with you,” Taeyong chuckled, sipping his vodka, his eyes secretly glancing over Sicheng as the younger didn’t see him and busy drinking his drink. The younger’s side profile looked so delicate and beautiful in his eyes. It’s like he just saw an art—okay, that’s too much. But it’s definitely an art.

Sicheng’s glass went empty in less than thirty minutes and Taeyong already got his third glass of vodka. They both enjoyed their drinks in silence while listened to the music that’s changing in not-very slow beat. Sicheng decided to fill his glass with an extra soju and took a swig of it quickly, tasting the bitter and hot sensation going down through his throat. He could fell his brain protesting, but he ignored it. He drank more and more until he got nothing when he tried to fill his glass for the sixth time.

“Can I get one more bottle?” His voice sounded a bit weird when he asked the bartender and Taeyong noticed it.

“I think you better drink something less alcohol.”

Sicheng shook his head. “I’m fine.”

One new bottle of soju was already in front of Sicheng and the next second the dark-haired boy didn’t even bother to pour the liquid into the glass and directly drank it right from the bottle instead.

“Alright, then. As long as you’re happy enjoying it,” Taeyong murmured to himself, deciding to place his vodka back on the bar and ordered other drink with soda instead. At least one of them didn’t get drunk when the time to go home was coming which was still a few more hours later.

In the first half an hour, Sicheng still could maintain his position on the chair, but after he managed to empty two bottle of soju all by himself and was about to order the third bottle, he almost fell off as he moved too much. Luckily, Taeyong was right next to him catching him by his waist.

“Okay, boy. That’s enough for today.” Taeyong tried to make Sicheng sit still on the chair, but Sicheng kept slumping against him and mumbling something he couldn’t hear properly. “The curfew is coming sooner than I thought.” He wrapped one of his hands on Sicheng’s and paid their drinks to the bartender.

“Thank you, hyung~” Sicheng spoke after they could get out of the club with a strong arm supporting him.

“Never mind, Sicheng,” Taeyong hummed, making sure his arm holding the drunken boy strongly and properly so he wouldn’t fall if he moved a bit. “Hey, do you mind if I call for a taxi?”

Sicheng shook his head and wiggled to release himself from Taeyong’s hold. At first, Taeyong tightened his hold, but after the younger whined, he lost his mind and pulled his arm off gradually. Too cute. That’s just too cute for him to handle. _Damn it_.

“Let Johnny hyung appreciate the efforts you took tonight. So, let’s just walk—“ Sicheng tripped on his own shoe and stumbled, falling down on the ground. He’s totally drunk for sure.

“I know Johnny will kill me tomorrow, but bringing you back to his home with your state like this, he will do worse thing. I prefer the first thought, anyway. So …” Taeyong pulled Sicheng up and took out his phone to call for a taxi. “I will let you sleep over in my apartment.”

At least the ride was silent with Sicheng leaning his head and his arm against the window next to him after Taeyong got rejected when he tried to put Sicheng’s head on his shoulder. Taeyong was just scared Sicheng would broke his skull if the driver didn’t drive the taxi properly and made the younger unconsciously bumped his head against the window due to the sudden movement until they arrived at his apartment building.

There’s nothing should be worried about because Taeyong had enough strength to half carry-half drag the skinny boy up to his apartment on the second floor. It’s just … the exhaustions hit him so hard after he threw Sicheng on his bed and he had to jump on across the bed to save his head from hitting the headboard hardly.

It took a solid ten seconds for Taeyong to realize that he’s still above Sicheng with his both hands on the top of his head. The closeness between their faces made him smell the alcohol through Sicheng’s breath. He wanted to pull away, but Sicheng grabbed his wrist first that he had to drop on the empty side next to him.

“Hyung, I wanna tell you a secret,” Sicheng whispered, bringing Taeyong wrist closer to his cheek and clasped his hand with his.

Taeyong didn’t know what to say since he knew Sicheng wasn’t sober enough to open his eyes properly.

“Don’t tell Johnny hyung about this. Okay?”

Taeyong played along. Talking with a drunken guy wasn’t completely wrong after all. “Okay.”

Sicheng closed his eyes, gulping and giggling breathlessly. “Actually I have a power. A very weird power.”

Taeyong nodded. “A power. Okay.”

“You see … this … hand …” Sicheng showed his hand.

“Nice glove. I don’t know how many times I said I liked those gloves,” Taeyong said to himself.

Sicheng furrowed his brows as the pain hit his head. “If I touch someone’s hand …” His hand flew down and dropped back on his side. “If I touch someone’s hand, I can see bad things that will happen to them.” He started laughing quietly and whining at the next second.

For a moment, Taeyong froze but he snorted as he almost forgot he’s talking with a drunken guy. He pulled his black blanket up to Sicheng’s shoulders.

“Hyung, I’m not done yet~” Sicheng’s child-like whining stopped Taeyong from getting off the bed. “If I take this off and touch your hand, I can see what bad thing that happens to you. If I’m saying this, will you still believe me? Do you still want to be my friend?”

Instead of paying his attention on what Sicheng just said, Taeyong was staring down at his face. Johnny once told him that Sicheng was a lonely boy who liked to keep all his problems by himself and got easy to feel depressed. He thought Sicheng was talking nonsense as he felt depressed over something he didn’t know.

“It must be hard for you to deal with your problem, Sicheng,” Taeyong hummed, stroking Sicheng hair gently. “Let’s just say I believe you have that power, okay?.”

Sicheng only nodded and shifted closer to Taeyong, dozing off as the alcohol completely took over his whole body and his sanity. Everything was said bluntly and if he ever remembered this moment, he would regret it to death. But those things … somehow got dragged to the very end corner of his mind when the weird sensation was spreading through his whole body in his sleep after he slightly felt something warm, soft brushing his lips. It tasted sweet and a bit of alcohol, bringing him back into the familiar dream where he could see his mom welcoming him with open arms and pulling him into the warmest hug ever. He felt safe.

 


	6. Chapter 6

The first thing that welcomed Sicheng a second he opened his eyes was a sudden attack on his head that he felt everything was spinning around him. He growled quietly as he flipped over burying his face into the pillow that smelled like a Taeyong, he noticed it. It took more than two minutes for him to raise his head, eyes still closing, facing the white colored headboard. He’s trying to gather himself together until the same pain hit his head once again and he dropped his head back into the pillow.

His throat was so dry. He needed to drink some water, hoping it could wake him up fully. With so much effort, he got off the bed, literally dragging his feet towards the door and gluing his front side on the doorframe for a couple of seconds before pulling the door open.

“Hey, you woke up!”

Holding the door frame, Sicheng opened his eyes after hearing that voice. He saw unfamiliar place. It’s not his apartment. It’s not Johnny’s either. It’s …

“You need to eat something to ease your headache. Come on.”

Taeyong’s figure came into his vision, reaching out to hold his shoulders and helping him to walk towards the dining table. He couldn’t hide his confusion as the older settled him down on one of the chairs and served him a bowl of beef soup and a cup of warm tea. For a moment, he looked at him with so many puzzles flying around his head. One puzzle, two puzzles … he’s putting each one to another to remember what he happened last night that he had to end up sitting at the dining table with Taeyong. The first thing he remembered was Taeyong asked him to go out, then they had dinner, the next thing was they were drinking in some club and—

“Gosh ….” Sicheng rubbed his face and brushed back some strands that fell into his face. “Hyung, I’m sorry. I was—“

“It’s okay, though. Everyone can get drunk, anyway.” Taeyong smiled, nudging him to eat first before they could continue talking.

Sicheng did what Taeyong told. He silently fed himself with a few spoons of rice and soup and took three sips of tea before he drew himself back, preparing various styles of an apology so Taeyong could forget whatever he had done last night. It’d be so embarrassing if Taeyong brought it up next time.

“What did I do last night?” Sicheng asked carefully, still unnoticing he wasn’t wearing his gloves this morning.

Taeyong chuckled first before telling him one by one from how he ordered another bottle of _soju_ when he already got drunk, how he hit his head to the car window several times until how he told him about his cursed hand.

Okay. Sicheng got it now. He literally messed up last night and—

Sicheng eyes widened as he caught the last words.

“My-my … my hands?”

Taeyong nodded. “You said if you take off your gloves and touch my hand, you can see bad thing that will happen to me,” he answered carelessly as shoved one chicken nugget into his own mouth.

Sicheng quickly ducked his head looking at his bare hands. It’s not right. He shouldn’t have taken them off!

“So, how about this?” Taeyong suddenly shifted his chair closer to Sicheng and grabbed his hand. Sicheng gasped in surprise and was about to pull his hand back but Taeyong was faster than him. He interlocked their fingers and held it tightly. “See something? What? I’m going to fall down the stairs this morning? Or slipping on wet floor? Breaking my legs during dance practice? That sounds relatable, though. What else?” he smiled amusedly, finding it cute when he recalled the way Sicheng told about that last night.

Unlike Taeyong who felt entertaining with this _joke_ , Sicheng was having hard time to control his heart from beating so fast. No, it’s not in a good way. It’s definitely a bad sign. The air was knocked out of his lungs gradually that made him weak. The familiar attack hit him, something hammering his head that he could hear his skull cracking, his vision going blurry, and his hand in Taeyong’s hold trembling.

“Akh…” Sicheng whimpered, crouching down as his head started spinning, his free hand holding the edge of the dining table to support himself.

_No! Please, don’t!_

Taeyong was shocked and immediately got off his chair to wrap his arm around Sicheng’s back and held his hand even tighter. “Hey, you okay? What’s going on?” He’s in panic. It’s the same state he saw in his studio after Sicheng was pulled up by Jaehyun.

Sicheng closed his eyes tightly. He knew what happened in the next second. He wanted to run, but his energy drained so quickly.

“H-hyung …, let … go …off … me,” he tried to speak though he couldn’t breathe.

“How could you say that?!” Taeyong couldn’t stop himself from yelling. “What do you need? A water? Hey, look at me.” Taeyong knelt down on the floor, releasing his hold from Sicheng’s hand to lift up his face so he could see his face clearly. It broke his heart when he saw Sicheng’s face turned into pale. He noticed his hands trembling and he wanted to grab them for a good measure, but Sicheng already clasped them tightly.

The scene probably would come through his mind in less than five seconds, and Sicheng couldn’t help himself but let off his guard. He’s tired with all of this shit. And Taeyong’s voice calling his name didn’t help him at all. The wave was just too strong to fight, as usual.

But … something weird happened.

There’s no scene at all on his mind. Literally nothing. The _pre-attack_ was still the same, but the _main attack_ was … nowhere? Sicheng didn’t see anything but the darkness as he still let his eyes closed.

_What is this? What’s going on? Why—_

Sicheng found himself crouching down in his seat and being wrapped in Taeyong’s arms, his head dropping in the crook of his neck. He didn’t even know when the older hugged him like that. But that’s not what he wanted to think about.

His hand. With his own eyes, he saw his hand touched Taeyong’s and they even clasped their hands together for a couple of seconds. The scene that was supposed to appear on his mind, showing him what bad thing that would happen to Taeyong in some minutes …it wasn’t there.

Sicheng couldn’t process this. It was just …beyond his thought. He’s questioning himself about this odd state that hit him.

“You’re sweating.” Taeyong ended his hug and pulled Sicheng back, both hands still on his arms as he felt Sicheng still couldn’t steady on his chair. His eyes were observing the younger’s face carefully. He furrowed his brows as he saw Sicheng didn’t focus at all as if he’s drowning himself into a deep thought that made him blank.

“Sicheng—“

“Hyung, give—give me …your hand …” Sicheng looked down at Taeyong who still kneeled down in front of him.

“What?”

Before Taeyong could ask why, Sicheng grabbed his hand immediately and held it. The next second he wanted to ask again, but Sicheng didn’t say anything and tightened his hold.

“Sicheng, what are you doing?” Taeyong was so confused.

“It can’t be real,” Sicheng murmured to himself. His brain suddenly felt weak to think of anything straightly. He didn’t even notice the tears started falling down to his cheeks. “It can’t be real. It can’t be real. It can’t be real.”

The complicated feelings were bursting out, exploding all over his mind that he couldn’t control himself. He didn’t know how to react over this sudden odd state. He wanted to be happy knowing he didn’t see anything on his mind after touching someone’s hand after all these stressful years. But he also felt scared if something worse coming to him later.

It’s just …overwhelming.

Out of all the complicated feelings, the emotional one was taking over him. It’s like some weight he had been carrying on his shoulders for years finally went off for a bit and he could _breathe_ for a second.

“Sicheng, where are you going?!”

Sicheng ignored Taeyong’s voice. He rushing out of Taeyong’s apartment and running down the stairs in a quick speed that he almost stumbled. He kept running, running and running, leaving Taeyong’s apartment building. The tears kept falling down. Low noises were coming out of his mouth as he’s sobbing trough the street, bumping into people’s shoulders. He was still dizzy because of the alcohol he had last night and his legs could turn into jelly anytime soon, but he just couldn’t stop running.

The moment he stopped himself was when he finally arrived at the front of Johnny’s apartment, familiar door that he liked. His fist knocked the door rapidly, not bothering himself to press the bell button. He didn’t even care if Johnny’s neighbors on this floor barged out of their apartments and yelled at him to be quiet before kicking him out of the building. He only needed to meet Johnny.

The door was pulled open from inside and Johnny’s figure showed up with confused look on his face. Sicheng immediately threw himself to Johnny and hugged him tightly that Johnny had to stumble backwards because Sicheng leaned all his weight on him. It’s good they didn’t fall.

“Sicheng, what’s—“ Johnny stopped asking as Sicheng started crying out loudly into his neck. “W-what happened? Sicheng, what happened?” He wanted to pull back so he could see his face, but Sicheng tightened his hug. Eventually, he let the younger crying as long as he wanted, as much as he wanted though he felt so worried.

Actually, Johnny was about to call Taeyong again this morning since he couldn’t contact their phones. And Sicheng coming with crying like this even made his worries increasing badly.

“Hyung …”

It’s Sicheng who pulled back first, his shoulders still shaking because of his hiccups and sniffles. He showed his trembling hands to Johnny. “Hyung, I t-touched Taeyong hyung’s hand this morning. And …” Another hiccup and a little whimper. “And … and … I …”

Johnny thought he knew where this going to go. Sicheng touched Taeyong’s hand, and it’s probably by accident, then he saw something on his mind which meant something bad would happen to Taeyong. That was what Sicheng would tell him, right?

“What’s going to happen to Taeyong?” Johnny wiped Sicheng’s tears  gently.

Sicheng shook his head. “I … I didn’t see anything, hyung. I … don’t know what’s going on. After I touched his hand, I saw nothing. Hyung, tell me it’s a good news. Tell me …” he cried again.

Johnny’s hand froze from caressing Sicheng’s cheek. He heard it clearly.

“Tell me it’s a good sign, hyung,” Sicheng whimpered, looking down at his both hands and crying again like a child. The feelings were too much for him to handle so the only thing he could do was crying it out until he calmed down. But it seemed he couldn’t even calm down anytime soon.

“You must be shocked. You need to take some rest, okay?” Instead of holding Sicheng’s hands, he chose to rub his arm and pet his head gently. “We can talk about this later.”

 

Johnny placed a mug of hot green tea on the coffee table in his small living room. Sicheng was sleeping on the couch, curling up under the thick and soft blanket. His breath was steady though he sniffled several times in his sleep. Johnny crouched down to reach his head, stroking his hair and sighing quietly. He took the empty space on the end of the couch, carefully sitting on it without waking up the younger.

For a moment, he stared at the empty air in front of him blankly, dragging himself to wander around his mind to figure out what’s happening to Sicheng, trying to gather the pieces of information he had gotten into one frame so he could conclude if it’s good or bad. But eventually…he gave up.

“Hyung …”

Sicheng’s cracked voice brought Johnny and his thoughts back into his living room. He turned to find the younger already sat, cross-legged, with the blanket still wrapping him.

Johnny caressed Sicheng’s cheek and clicked his tongue as he noticed his swollen eyes. “Did you drink something last night?”

“I’m sorry.”

Johnny smiled a little. “You’re not a kid, though. It’s okay if you wanna drink something. Next time ask me too.”

Sicheng returned his smile. His head slowly went down to look at his both hands again.

“How’s your feeling? About your hands?”

Sicheng shrugged. “I don’t know, to be honest. I’m not sure about this, either. I’m scared, hyung.”

Johnny wanted to pat Sicheng head, but he refused to do it. “But I can tell, you’re happy, though. Sort of.”

“Somehow. Yes.”

Sicheng was happy but it was just … too soon to become real. His hands had been cursed for years and this weird thing happened all of sudden. No one had a right to tell him to be grateful about it. No one.

“And I left Taeyong hyung like that again.” Sicheng brought his both hands up to cover his face. His voice sounded full of regret. He pushed himself backwards that his head hit the headrest. “I even stupidly told him about my hands when I was drunk.”

Johnny sighed silently. He could feel the frustration in Sicheng voice. “But you’re drunk, though. Taeyong is the kind of person who doesn’t completely listen to what drunken people say.”

Sicheng wanted to believe Johnny, but he couldn’t help himself from thinking otherwise. It’s Taeyong they’re talking about. Although he didn’t really that close with that red-haired guy yet, he caught a slight of weird gaze on his eyes this morning.

“Sometimes there’s a time you can’t understand your own friend at all,” Sicheng said after bringing his hands down, eyes staring at the front blankly.

Johnny nodded in agreement. “Yeah. Just like when you said you got drunk last night. I thought you just went out for a dinner and night walk.”

Sicheng was sure he’s avoiding any eye-contact with Johnny and looking at somewhere else instead as the older was judging him from his side.

Johnny’s phone buzzed and that’s enough for Johnny to stop staring at Sicheng. Taeyong’s name popped up on the screen, trying to call him.

“It’s Taeyong.” Johnny swiped the screen to the right with his thumb and set the call on speakerphone before holding it between him and Sicheng. “Hey,” he answered the phone.

Sicheng froze on the couch, heart beating so fast for no reason and it’s worse as they heard Taeyong’s voice.

“ _Youngho_ , _I_ — _ouch_! _Excuse me, can you more gentle_?” Looked like Taeyong was about to say something to Johnny but got distracted by something. “Is Sicheng with you?”

Johnny and Sicheng stared at each other for a moment.

“Yes,” Johnny looked away and answered. Sicheng was about to give him a protest sign, but Johnny raised his finger, gesturing him to stay quiet. “But he’s sleeping right now. Why?”

There were some noises on the phone and someone was hissing in pain, but then Taeyong’s voice came out again. “ _Nothing. It’s just … he left all of sudden after … after … wait, how can I say this? Got panic? Yeah, something like that. I was trying to run after him but he’s running too fast and I … I fell down_.”

Both Johnny and Sicheng widened their eyes. _Taeyong fell?_

“How—how …” Johnny didn’t continue his question as he saw Sicheng’s shocked face.

“ _I tripped on my own shoe. Okay, don’t call me clumsy smurf. Don’t you ever. I’m naturally clumsy since 1995. Skip that, okay. I’ve been enough hearing you calling me clumsy smurf for years, so let me live today. Wait, back to the main topic. I fell down to the ground and my forehead hit the spiked stone wall near my apartment building. I’m in the hospital right now. Damn it. I got five stitches on my forehead, by the way. My forehead doesn’t look as glorious as before. But, please, don’t tell Sicheng about this_.”

Too bad. Sicheng had heard it all and now he’s pointing out all the gears inside his head to figure out why he didn’t get any vision about Taeyong falling down. He looked frightened on Taeyong’s words and Johnny did the right thing by squeezing his arm for a silent comfort while he’s talking with Taeyong on the phone.

There’s short silence.

“ _Youngho … you know what, after knowing and absolutely believing the craziest fact that you can see and communicate with spirits or ghosts or whatever you call them, now I’m always a bit aware with nonsense things, like supernatural stuff …_ ” Taeyong’s voice sounded slower in the last words.

“No one forced you to believe my power though,” Johnny responded, silently sighing after knowing what Taeyong was trying to say. He glanced at the younger, it seemed he didn’t completely hear what Taeyong just said as he’s busy with his own thoughts. _Thank God …_

“ _You’re right. No one forced me. But don’t get me wrong. I believe you, though. We’ve known each other for years an_ d—“

“Dude, that’ okay,” Johnny chuckled softly.

Johnny could hear Taeyong sighing and the next second they went silent.

“ _Can I go to your place later?_ ”

Johnny didn’t answer at first. He knew the reason why Taeyong asked for his permission was because he wanted to see Sicheng. What else?

“Why?”

“ _I wanna see Sicheng_.”

Johnny was never wrong at guessing.

“Okay.”

“ _Alright, then_.”

Taeyong hung up the phone. Johnny put his phone down on his lap, turning his head to find Sicheng just finished battling with his own mind.

“Taeyong wants to see you,” Johnny said.

The only response from Sicheng was only a long sigh before dropping his head into the pillow at the end of the couch. Of course, Taeyong wanted to see him since he owed him an explanation why he left him like that again.

“Don’t think too much. Maybe he just wants to check if you’re okay or not. That’s all. Don’t worry. He gets distracted over anything easily.” Johnny patted Sicheng’s butt.

“What if he asks about my hands?” Sicheng’s voice slightly muffled against the pillow.

“You want me to stay here when he comes?”

“This is your place, though.”

“Nah.” Johnny stood up. “Third wheeling is something I hate the most. ” He flinched away when Sicheng growled and threw the blanket on him.

“Stop saying weird things.” Sicheng was unconsciously blushing and smiling.

Hugging the blanket with one arm, Johnny smiled back. “It’s good to see you smiling like that,” he said, walking towards his room to throw the blanket on his bed before getting back to the couch.

“Should I tell him about my hands?” Sicheng hesitated to say that because he wasn’t sure with himself.

“You should ask yourself first. If you’re okay with that, go on. But if that burdens you, don’t. You’ve been suffering enough all this time, I don’t want you to make it worse. I’m saying this because I care so much about you. Get it?” Johnny spoke in a very gentle voice. Yes, he meant it. Sicheng was so precious for him. That’s the only fact that world needed to know.

 


	7. Chapter 7

At first, Sicheng couldn’t hide his surprise and his guilty as he saw Taeyong arrived at Johnny’s apartment, still wearing the same training pants and baby blue hoodie as this morning and that band-aid on his forehead. He guessed the older had not taken shower either. And Johnny’s silent permission didn’t help him at all. That tall guy literally pushed him towards the red-haired guy and kicked them out of his place.

“Sicheng.”

Taeyong’s voice made Sicheng jump a little that the can in his grip almost slipped off. He turned his head to look at him, waiting for him to say.

“Y-yes, hyung?”

Taeyong took his time to sip his beer and wipe the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. He didn’t say anything yet, as if he’s gathering everything he wanted to say. It made Sicheng feel more nervous.

“Look … uhmmm …” Taeyong slightly pouted his lips before continuing to talk. “I … okay, you …” It was obvious that Taeyong couldn’t let out the words. He sighed at the end and looked back at the younger, locking their gazes for a moment before he reached out to ruffle Sicheng’s hair. “How are you today?”

Sicheng raised his brows in confusion, blinking his eyes several times to process Taeyong’s simple question. Taeyong noticed his confused face and chuckled.

“I guess you’re okay, then. That innocent face just told me. Good news, huh?” Taeyong refused to pinch Sicheng’s cheek and got back to look at the front.

Sicheng gulped. “And I guess …you’re not okay?” he tried to make another question based on Taeyong’s first question.

“I’m not okay?” Taeyong pointed at himself.

Sicheng nodded and stretched his hand to touch Taeyong’s forehead. “That thing. How … how did you get that?” He pretended not to know about Taeyong’s wound.

Taeyong’s mouth formed to “O”. He gripped Sicheng’s wrist and put it down from his face, eyes still staring at Sicheng in disbelief.

“You didn’t know about this?” Taeyong asked.

“Johnny hyung said you called him when I was sleeping.”

“No, no, no, no. That’s not what I meant …” Taeyong paused his words, furrowing his brows and looking down at Sicheng’s hand. He just realized Sicheng didn’t wear any glove tonight. “Were you serious when you …”

Sicheng’s confused face grew worse and that made Taeyong give up.

“I’m sorry. My head is acting up. Never mind. Well … uhmm … I can’t find any topic to talk about, by the way. What should we do now?” Taeyong frowned and suddenly pouted.

Sicheng wanted to giggle seeing Taeyong’s expression, but his face was too stiff to move the corners of his lips. That’s why he let their “conversation sink into silence for a couple of minutes. Or maybe more since he got distracted by Taeyong’s grip around his wrist. He could feel the warmth from his hand, sending a million weird sensations through his skin that caused him blushing. He didn’t even know if he had to tell Taeyong to let go off his hand or let it be like that as he saw the older mumbling something while fixing his eyes at the front.

Maybe he would let it be like that.

“You don’t like it?”

Taeyong’s voice snapped Sicheng back from his thoughts. “What?” he asked in confusion.

Taeyong moved Sicheng’s wrist in his grip, his thumb slightly caressing the skin, feeling the pulse. “This.”

It took a moment for Sicheng to shook his head, simple answer for a “ _It’s okay. I don’t mind_.”

“It’s good, then. As long as I don’t touch your fingers or your palms, then everything is cool, right?” Taeyong made his own conclusion with a sweet smile across his face and Sicheng already lost himself.

There’s a sudden urge to tell Taeyong about his cursed hands. To tell him how much he wanted to touch his hand again like he did this morning after knowing he didn’t see any scene about bad things.

“Hyung, what if I ask you to hold my hand someday?” Sicheng encouraged himself for saying that. He would slap his own mouth later. Yes, later.

“Huh? Aren’t I doing it right now?”

Sicheng shook his head. “Holding hands properly. Interlocking our fingers. Something like that.”

“What’s this? You were scared when I accidentally almost touched your hand back then. You even looked like you’re about to die after touching Jaehyun’s hand too. And now you’re telling me that—“ Taeyong snorted. His ears faintly reddened. He held his smile but of course, he would hold Sicheng’s hand if someday he asked for it. “Tell me the reason.”

Sicheng shrugged. “I still can’t find the right reason yet. It’s too complicated for me to solve, but the situation already allowed me to move one step forward. I let myself to be selfish.”

“I … don’t understand,” Taeyong blurted out.

“Me either.”

A second later, they both stared at each other and burst into giggles.

Next time. Sicheng would tell everything to Taeyong next time, when he found the right moment. He would take all the risks to reveal who he really was. Until that time, he would let himself be happy first. Talking with Taeyong was already his new favorite moment. Laughing with Taeyong was already his new happiness. And knowing he couldn’t see anything on his mind after touching Taeyong’s hand was also already his new spirit to live normal like other people out there. He felt weirdly secured when he didn’t know what would happen to people around him. He believed everything that happened to people in this world was because of God’s plans and fate. Humans weren’t supposed to know it, even if they had special power.

Tonight was one of those warm nights Sicheng had missed for such a long time.

 

 

\------------------------

On Thursday, Sicheng came over to Taeyong’s studio to watch Taeyong’s dance team practicing (It’s Johnny’s recommendation for him since he said hedidn’t want to come back to his apartment yet and didn’t have anything to do but bothering Johnny who’s busy with his laptop) He came a bit late and didn’t have a chance to greet the dancers properly. That’s why he ended up sitting in the corner of the dance practice room and watching them dancing. He noticed Taeyong kept stealing glances towards his direction through the wall of the mirror in front of him during the practice. Oh, yeah. Since the first second he sat down until now, his eyes had been following the older’s moves. And every time their eyes met, he always slightly startled and blushed before looking at other dancers.

That’s … crazy.

“Fifteen minutes for break!” Taeyong shouted after the music ended. Everyone growled their exhaustion in sync, pulling themselves out of the dance formation to drop their limbs on the cold floor. Some of them literally wiggled like a snake and rolled around to reach every corner of the room. Sicheng chuckled softly watching the funny scene in front of him.

“Hey, I caught you smiling!” Yuta chirped after rolling himself towards Sicheng, his body still laying on the floor. Jaehyun who just crawled to the same spot only laughing breathlessly before sprawling himself onto Yuta, causing the older groaned in pain.

“You’re in a good mood!” Jaehyun added.

“Sort of,” Sicheng answered shortly, handing two small towels and two bottles to the two dancers of water.

“Still don’t wanna join our dance club?” Yuta asked, pushing Jaehyun’s body aside so he could got up and sat next to Sicheng.

“Hyung, you’ll fail asking him. I’ve tried that for more than twenty times and all his answer was only a single _no_.” Jaehyun wiped the sweat on his forehead and his neck. He even sneaked the towel inside his sleeveless T-shirt to wipe the sweat off his chest and stomach.

“I’m just … I’m not confident yet with my dancing skill,” Sicheng answered hesitatingly.

“Dude, Jaehyun was like Woody when he joined this club two years ago. No, even Woody danced better than him and—“ Yuta couldn’t finish his words as Jaehyun tackled him down. “Sicheng, help me!” Yuta wiggled under Jaehyun’s hold, swaying his hand around to reach Sicheng who just laughed beside them.

“Guys, stop it!” Taeyong’s voice came from across the room but it didn’t sound bothered at all.

Sicheng was about to move the bottle aside before Yuta kicking it with his leg, but before he could reach it, Yuta accidentally slapped his fingertips first and wrestled Jaehyun’s neck a second later. Sicheng frozen all of sudden after his bare hand got a sudden physical contact with Yuta’s. The similar _pang_ inside his chest welcomed him first and it’s enough for him to detect what would happen to him next. He breathed out silently before bringing his other hand up to cover his furrowed brows as he tried to hold the pain. Surprisingly, he’s quite strong to fight it back today, _somehow._ On his mind he saw Yuta rushing out of the toilet on the first floor of this building and bumped his head against the glass door at the front building so hard before falling down. The older’s forehead got dark purple-ish bruise and that would happen today at five in the afternoon.

Sicheng sighed in relief through the attack. Nothing serious happened, then. That’s good news, but still, steadying himself to fight against the pain beforehand was so exhausting. Even worse than when he just accepted his lose over the _battle_ and let his physical and mental were attacked at the same time.

“You guys are so childish. If you hurt yourself, I’ll kick your ass.”

Sicheng heard Taeyong’s voice clearly. He even felt a warm hand gripped his wrist for a moment before moving to interlock their fingers, palm pressing against palm. Taeyong was holding his trembling hand which was just touched Yuta’s.

“Lee Taeyong, call 911!” Yuta cried out, struggling to release himself from Jaehyun.

Taeyong only laughed, back leaning against the wall of mirror, thumb caressing Sicheng’s knuckle. Sicheng only turned his head to look at the older. He never expected Taeyong would … do something like that as if he knew—no. That’s impossible. Well, Taeyong didn’t say anything about what he’s doing, but he gave a little wink to Sicheng before casually talking with other dancers who approached them.

Sicheng was so quiet until the end of the practice after he got the attack. His eyes were following wherever Yuta moved and whatever he did. His face was even more serious as he glanced towards the clock on the wall several times. He still had a couple of minutes left before giving Yuta a warn. But the problem was how he would tell him about that thing.

“I need to go to toilet first!” Yuta shouted to other dancers once they all went down to first floor, including Sicheng and Taeyong who walked behind them. The Japanese guy ran so fast towards the toilet. The others told him to hurry up because they had to catch the bus.

Sicheng stopped in his tracks, watching everyone filling their way out of the building, the automatic glass door sliding open and close continually for each one of them since they didn’t bother to get out altogether. Jaehyun kept calling Yuta’s name out loud although they all knew the older couldn’t even hear his voice.

“You still wanna stay here?” Taeyong adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder, nudging Sicheng with his elbow as he saw the younger didn’t move from his spot.

Sicheng hesitated to answer. He kept turning his head towards the toilet door that was at the end of the hallway and the glass door on his left side back and forth. Before he could open his mouth to answer Taeyong, he heard someone running through the hallway. He turned his head to find Yuta running without looking at the front. The Japanese guy was busy zipping up his bag while running like a bolt.

Sicheng could see what would happen in the ten seconds if Yuta didn’t raise his head to look at where he’s running into. No, he wouldn’t let what he saw on his mind become true. He couldn’t let Yuta hurting himself like that.

Sicheng knew what he had to do. He didn’t mind if the one who got hurt was himself. As long as the person he saw on his mind was alright, he’s fine.

It was pretty quick as Sicheng threw himself into Yuta’s way and the next second he was half-pushed-half thrown towards the glass door hardly after he heard Yuta screamed in surprise. His head and his shoulder hit the solid glass door before he fell down to the floor.

“Oh, shit! Sicheng, are you okay?! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you walking!” Yuta, who just got up from the floor, shouted and ran to help Sicheng stand up but he got blocked by Taeyong who stepped forwards first.

“Watch your moves, dumbass!” Taeyong yelled at Yuta, angry. He turned to check if Sicheng was hurt or not. His hand held the younger’s arm, and his other hand placed on Sicheng’s face so he could see him.

“I’m fine, hyung,” Sicheng said a bit breathlessly as he rubbed his right upper arm. Okay, his right arm was in pain, he couldn’t lie to himself. But that’s nothing. At least, he would thank to Taeyong’s warm palm on his jaw that somehow sent a good measure for him.

Taeyong took Sicheng’s answer as an opposite meaning. He could see the younger got hurt and he didn’t tolerate to the person who made Sicheng like this. But the only thing he could do to Yuta as a punishment was only a deadly glare for a mere five seconds before he asked him if he’s okay, too.

“I bumped on him too hard that I could see him flying towards the door and—“ Yuta sighed in regret. “I’m sorry, Sicheng. I should’ve looked at my way.”

Sicheng shook his head and smiled. If he didn’t do that _dumb action_ , Yuta whould’ve the one who got hurt and he would feel sorry million times because he couldn’t save him.

“You can go first, Yuta. They’re waiting for you. I’ll take care of him,” Taeyong said, gesturing Yuta to get out of his studio as he saw Jaehyun kept turning his head towards his studio from outside.

Yuta obliged halfheartedly. He promised to Sicheng he would treat him two ice cream cones tomorrow after practicing. Sicheng only grinned and waved to him.

“Can you walk?” Taeyong turned to look at Sicheng as soon as Yuta disappeared from their sight.

Sicheng nodded and told him he could walk by himself, but eventually he didn’t say anything as Taeyong sneaked his arm around his.

“I don’t wanna take any risk.” That’s what Taeyong hummed before they both stepped out of the building, walking side by side through the street while chatting about this and that like usual.

Taeyong noticed Sicheng kept wiggling his left shoulder every ten seconds, but he didn’t find any painful expression on Sicheng’s face as he looked at him. When Sicheng turned and looked down at him after questioning about something, he blinked and looked away, giving a single shrug as the answer of whatever the question was.

“Let’s sit down for a couple of minutes. I’m tired.” Taeyong dragged Sicheng by arm towards the empty small chairs in front of a convenience store. After pushing Sicheng down on one of the chairs, he asked him to take off his jacket. Sicheng raised his brows in confusion, but before he asked why, Taeyong already reached out to do it by himself, taking off the brown jacket and placing it on the small round table in front of them.

“Hyung, what are you doing? We’re in the—“ Sicheng stopped Taeyong as the older tried to pulled down the right side of his oversized T-shirt

“Can you shut up?” Taeyong’s voice sounded so deep and firm that Sicheng could only pressed his own lips nervously.

Taeyong’s chest slightly tightened as soon as he pulled down the collar of Sicheng’s T-shirt to reveal a faint purple-ish bruise on his upper arm. He touched it with his fingertips and it already made Sicheng flinch away a bit.

“ _I’m fine, hyung_?” Taeyong repeated Sicheng’s words sarcastically. “When will you stop hiding your pain from me? Wait here.”

Sicheng sighed and rubbed his face before pulling up the collar on his shoulder as Taeyong left him alone outside to get something inside the store. He didn’t mean to hide his bruise or pain or whatever it was from Taeyong. It was just … he’s really fine with the bruise he got. He meant it. But he couldn’t help himself either from blushing when Taeyong acted like that.

“I can’t blame your super skinny body, though. But my heart really hurt when I saw your body … literally flying and hitting the door really hard after you and Yuta …” Taeyong clicked his tongue, dragging the nearest chair for himself to sit right next to Sicheng to treat his bruise. He applied some white cream from a small tube on the bruise very gently and carefully. His eyes were glancing up to check Sicheng and the bruise back and forth.

“Hyung, just focus on my shoulder, I’m okay,” Sicheng hummed, holding his breath.

“One more time I hear you saying _I’m okay, hyung_ , I swear to God, I will …” Taeyong paused. “Never mind. Just endure it a bit, okay? I’m going to put this pad on it.”

Sicheng only nodded. Enduring something like this wasn’t a big deal for him. This bruise was nothing compared to the _wound_ … the cursed he had been enduring for years because of that stupid car accident. He lost his parents, his true-self, his sanity, and his life. Yeah, this bruise was definitely nothing.

“Why did you do that?” Taeyong pulled back on his seat and put all the wraps into the small plastic bag. “Why did you block Yuta and hurt yourself instead? I saw you looking at him before you did that.”

Sicheng chewed the inside of his own lips.. Should he tell Taeyong that he saw that thing after touching Yuta’s hand and he had to save him? Would Taeyong believe what he said? Should he tell Taeyong how disappointed he was when he found he still couldn’t live lively because the curse was still there? It was still lingering on his life when he thought he could get back to his normal life as he didn’t see anything after touching Taeyong’s hand. It’d be another joke stuff if he mentioned about his hand again. So …

“I don’t know,” Sicheng murmured, ducking his head.

“Let’s go.” Taeyong pushed himself off the chair. “We need to go to Youngho’s place quickly before he sends one of his scary ghost friends to me.”

Oh, okay. Johnny’s place. Sicheng almost forgot about it. For a second, he thought they would go to his own apartment, but he just remembered that he told Taeyong he would go to Johnny’s apartment this afternoon.

 

“You don’t wanna come in? Maybe you and Johnny hyung need to talk about something.” Sicheng turned around and stepped a bit further from Johnny’s apartment door to approach Taeyong who just stopped in his tracks behind him.

“We live in the era where phone exists. Don’t worry. Talking to him in person is more dangerous than talking to him on the phone. When he gets angry or excited for no reason, he likes to slap my arm all of sudden. I need to save my life,” Taeyong joked.

But the real reason was not because, _maybe_ , Johnny and Taeyong needed to converse, it’s Sicheng who secretly wanted Taeyong to stay a bit longer here with him. And apparently, he failed sending that sign.

“Thank you for holding my hand!” Sicheng spoke again as Taeyong was about to move his feet to walk.

Taeyong was startled at first, but then he showed his warm smile. “I did it first before you even asked me to, didn’t I? I’m sorry. I was just … I saw you accidentally touched Yuta’s hand and … you know … that thing happened again. It was just … my instinct that I had to go to you and hold your hand. I was hoping you not to pass out,” he laughed awkwardly.

Sicheng smiled a little. “It was because of you. I’m fine because of you.”

Sicheng might feel disappointed about his cursed hands that would haunt him forever, but he felt thankful there’s Taeyong who strangely always turned into a cure for his hands. Taeyong was still the only person he couldn’t see anything on his mind after he touched his hands.

The next moment was … pure instinct. Or maybe … Sicheng lost one of his brain cells that caused his feet moved by themselves walking closer to Taeyong. And when he ducked his head a little and leaned in to place a soft kiss on the corner of Taeyong’s mouth … he was pretty sure it’s all pure instinct or maybe he lost another brain cell again.

The kiss only lasted for mere three seconds as Sicheng pulled back slowly, breathlessly. The sound of dog barking from afar dragged his mind back to reality. He widened his eyes as he realized what he had done to Taeyong. And the older’s unreadable expression didn’t help him at all.

“You need to do it properly.” Suddenly Taeyong grabbed Sicheng’s hand and pulled him back to him. He reached out to hold the back Sicheng’s nape and gave him an unnecessary deep kiss on his mouth for a couple of seconds. It’s a bit hard because Sicheng was taller than him and he needed to be extra firm to hold Sicheng’s neck so he could lessen the pain on his own neck while kissing him.

Another warm night was coming back to Sicheng tonight.


	8. Chapter 8

“Let me check your forehead.” Johnny sat on the bedside, patting the leg that sticking out of the blanket. There’s weak grunting sound from under the blanket before Sicheng’s head popped out, his hair sticking out everywhere.

“You just checked my forehead like ten minutes ago, hyung.” Sicheng’s voice sounded so drowsy but he didn’t flinch away when Johnny placed his palm on his forehead to check the heat. He closed his eyes for a bit to feel how warm Johnny’s palm was.

“What should I do then? Letting you sleep for a whole day without forcing you to wake up and eat something? You got a high fever, Sicheng. I need to do something since you don’t wanna go to hospital.” Johnny pulled his hand away a bit only to comb Sicheng’s hair slightly and to hold his red and warm cheek.

Sicheng only grinned weakly before pulling the blanket up to the top of his head and curling up into a ball to, at least, lessen the cold that he had been feeling since last night. He heard Johnny’s footsteps. The older walked out of his room to get something he just bought from the convenience store an hour ago. When Sicheng was about to go back to his sleep, he felt the mattress dipping again and his blanket got pulled. He whined at the lost of the warmth, hands moving to try grabbing the blanket.

“Sicheng, turn around,” Johnny said as he opened the lid of a some pack he got from outside. He had to give a light slap on Sicheng’s butt as the younger didn’t move from his position. “I said turn around.”

Sicheng grunted and turned around halfheartedly. He gasped as he felt something cold like an ice pack gluing his forehead. He didn’t move for a moment as he started to like the cold sensation of the thing on his forehead.

“What’s this?” Sicheng touched his forehead and before Johnny could answer him, he already knew that Johnny just put a fever pad on his forehead. “Thank you, hyung.”

Johnny sighed, observing the younger who started to let the drowsiness taking over him. he reached out to stroke his hair and fix the blanket on his shoulder.

“I should’ve told you to get inside and told Taeyong to go home when I saw—“ Johnny paused. “What were you two talking about last night? You were outside for like … three hours and you got fever after that. What’s going on?”

Sicheng didn’t answer. He pulled up the blanket a bit to cover his face that suddenly reddened again. His cheeks were heating up, even hotter. He didn’t know how to explain to Johnny that he and Taeyong were kissing at the last hour near his apartment door and until this afternoon … he didn’t even remember how they ended the kiss and said goodbye to each other. Even only remembering it already made him blushing again under the blanket.

Thanks to a sudden knock, or more like a loud bang, from the front door that saved Sicheng from Johnny’s question. Johnny clicked his tongue and left Sicheng alone in his room to see who’s banging his apartment door.

Sicheng wiggled around the bed and growled into the sheet when the scene of him and Taeyong kissing so passionately last night still haunting his mind. He had been trying to stop thinking of it since last night after he threw himself on Johnny’s bed, but until now … he couldn’t even get rid of it. Probably, it would sounded so lame, but he got this high fever because of the kiss.

 

 

“I got fever and I need you to take care of me.”

Taeyong was showed up a second Johnny pulled the door open. He was a bit surprised seeing how messy Taeyong’s look was, disheveled hair, red nose, red cheeks, being wrapped in a huge … Johnny couldn’t tell it’s a blanket or a curtain, by the way. Looked so much like a poor cocoon.

“Shouldn’t you go to hospital instead?” Johnny blocked the doorway, giving a simple sign no one could enter his apartment, including Taeyong who seemed to need his help.

“I did, believe me. But they gave me so many packs of bitter pills. I don’t like them. Move, please.” Taeyong pushed Johnny aside so he could step into his friend’s apartment, literally dragging his feet, the edge of his _blanket_ sweeping the cold floor as he’s walking towards the couch.

Johnny only sighed when Taeyong jumped a little and threw his body onto the couch before curling up into a ball.

“Thank you for the tea,” Taeyong spoke out of nowhere, grinning weakly to Johnny who raised his brows in confusion. Yes, Taeyong wanted a mug of hot tea from Johnny. It was just him asking for it indirectly. _Typical Lee Taeyong_.

“It was so rare seeing you got sick like this, though.” Johnny walked into the kitchen to make a hot tea just like Taeyong’s request.

“Something happened,” Taeyong murmured against his blanket.

“Mind to tell me about it?”

There’s a short pause before Taeyong told Johnny the answer that made Johnny almost slipped the kettle off the gas stove.

“I kissed Sicheng last night.”

Luckily, the kettle already sat on the stove perfectly and it just needed a couple of minute to boil. Johnny pulled his hand away from the kettle and gripped the edge of the counter instead. He knew that thing would happen sooner or later since Sicheng and Taeyong’s relationship was getting closer and closer every time he checked it.

“Wow.” That word slipped out of Johnny’s mouth. He didn’t move, eyes still staring down at the kettle.

Taeyong nodded. “Yeah, that’s _wow._ But … it just … happened like that. I mean … well, I’ve kissed guys back then—“

“Everyone knows you’re drunken playboy in the past,” Johnny cut off, turning off the stove after the water inside the kettle was boiled.

“That was an accident!” Taeyong protested. “And I’m not a playboy! Geez, I just kissed three guys and I was drunk so badly—“

Johnny laughed as he came back into the living room with a mug in his hand. “You enjoyed it, though. Here, you tea.” He placed the mug on the coffee table carefully and walked around to reach the couch where Taeyong was laying down. He placed his palm on Taeyong forehead after brushing off some strands of Taeyong’s hair.

“Is it that bad?” Taeyong looked up to meet Johnny’s serious face. Okay, that was bad sign. “Am I going to die because of this fever? Tell me. You don’t have to hide it from me. I’m okay, though. But the last time I checked, you didn’t have a power to see the future. what—OUCH! That’s hurt, you giant ass!” Taeyong had to scowl and stopped his dramatic words after Johnny slapped his forehead hardly.

“It’s nothing if I have to compare it with his fever,” Johnny murmured, sitting down on the edge of the couch.

“ _His fever_? Who?” Taeyong rubbed his forehead. He thought he should go to hospital to check if his skull was fine or cracked.

“Sicheng.”

Johnny’s short answer automatically made Taeyong sit up and widen his eyes in surprise. “Sicheng? What do you mean? Sicheng got fever too? Where is he now? Is he okay? Is his fever worse? Do we need to take him to the hospital?” he threw out so many frantic questions but Johnny only rolled his eyes when he turned to look at him.

“He’s fine though his fever is worse than yours. But he’s fine. He. Is. Fine.”

“But we still have to take him to the hospital!”

Johnny sighed and looked away. “If you’re me, you won’t take him to there.”

Taeyong pressed his own lips. He couldn’t lie to himself that Johnny’s serious tone made him understand why Johnny didn’t take Sicheng to the hospital. It must be another trauma or something like that. Johnny knew all about Sicheng better than him after all. And deep down in the bottom of his heart, he wished he was Johnny.

“Can you look after him for me? I need to go out to buy some ingredients. Since you’re here too, I think I’m gonna make more porridge. Can you?”

Taeyong only blinked at Johnny’s question. First of all, he’s sick, _physically not in a good condition,_ so it’s no way for him to look after someone else who was sick as well. He’s lucky enough he didn’t get into any car accident when he drove his car all by himself to get here in this kind of condition. Second, he was really sick to the point he couldn’t stand, or walk, or sit, or even sleep properly because he felt so dizzy. Third … he wished the one who got sick wasn’t Sicheng so he could turn himself into an arrogant person who didn’t care about anyone else. But … this was Sicheng. He couldn’t say _no_ , though.

“Thanks. I’ll come back soon.” Johnny patted Taeyong’s arm all of sudden and pushed himself off the couch to walk towards the dining table to get his wallet and his coat.

“But I’m not s—“

“I know you’ll say _I can_ though. Eventually.” Johnny smiled before walking out of his apartment, leaving Taeyong who was still speechless on the couch.

Taeyong mumbled to himself that he’s also sick and needed to get some attention too. But even if there’s a ghost inside Johnny’s apartment and heard him saying that, the ghost would know he wasn’t serious. His cheeks were obviously blushing for complicated reasons. It’s either getting excited or nervous, he couldn’t tell.

For a moment, he’s fighting with his own mind if he should stay here on the couch until Johnny came back or he tried to check Sicheng inside Johnny’s room. If he didn’t have to think about the options too hard, he would choose the second one since he’s worried about the younger. But what was he supposed to say if Sicheng was awake and they saw each other? Everytime he thought about Sicheng, the first thing that came up on his mind was their kiss last night. He wouldn’t be able to help himself then.

Despite the battle inside his head, he let his feet swinging towards Johnny’s room, pulling the door open quietly before peeking his head in. Okay, he saw a human lying down on the bed with a thick blanket covering their entire body. That’s Sicheng, of course. The younger’s hair was sticking out of the blanket. He frowned before sliding into the room and walked quietly towards the bed.

The next battle came up as he stood right next to the bed, facing Sicheng’s back. The wave of so many questions were flooding his mind to the point he wanted to drag himself out of Johnny’s room and glue himself on the couch.

“Johnny hyung, you came—“ Sicheng flipped around and was about to whine about his warm forehead after he heard some footsteps behind him. He froze as soon as he saw the person who was coming into the bedroom wasn’t Johnny, but Taeyong. Clutching the fabric of the blanket, he hesitatingly greeted Taeyong as polite as he could. It looked so awkward. Really awkward. And Taeyong’s nods made the atmosphere worse.

“I heard you’re sick,” Taeyong spoke but it sounded like he was gulping.

“Yeah,” Sicheng answered breathlessly. He noticed Taeyong’s pale face and his swollen eyes. It’s like he’s seeing Taeyong, but he felt he wasn’t. “You look …aweful, hyung.”

“I’m … I’m sick today.”

Sicheng nodded silently, pursing his lips behind the blanket and thinking about next words he could say. “Aren’t you supposed to go to hospital? Why are you here?”

Taeyong chuckled dryly. He heard the same questions today. Twice.

“Youngho takes care of me better than the doctors and nurses out there when I’m sick.” Taeyong scratched the back of his nape.

They went silent for almost five minutes, staring at each other’s eyes as if they’re try competing who’s gonna lose in that staring game first. It was Sicheng who broke their eye-contact by looking away and shifting to his right side all of sudden, still getting wrapped by Johnny’s huge and thick blanket.

“You need to take a rest for a while, hyung.” Sicheng titled his head a bit to send Taeyong a sign that he’s giving an empty space next to him so Taeyong could lie down and get some sleep. Taeyong wasn’t sure if he had to jump on the bed and sleep next to Sicheng or refused his offer, but all the scream he heard inside his head was telling him to do what Sicheng said since it’s nothing wrong if he did that.

Both of them went silent after Taeyong filled the empty space beside Sicheng. Surprisingly, none of them felt nervous like Sicheng used to be everytime he’s with Taeyong. And it was Taeyong who initiated to do something first; rolling onto his side to look at Sicheng and placing his palm on his forehead. Although Sicheng was a bit startled, he let Taeyong to do it.

“Johnny was right when he said your condition is worse than mine,” Taeyong spoke so slowly and gently after pulled back his hand.

Sicheng decide to roll onto his side as well, facing Taeyong who still frowned after feeling the heat on his forehead. He sneaked out his hand from the blanket to touch Taeyong’s cheek for a couple of seconds.

“You’re warm, too,” Sicheng said.

“We both are,” Taeyong chuckled. “Mind to tell me why you got fever?” he didn’t want to ask about that but somehow he felt he would get the déjà vu moment when Sicheng answered him.

Sicheng didn’t say anything at first. He silently chewed the inside of his lips and stared at Taeyong.

“I think I was thinking of …” Sicheng paused, nervous. “ … our … kiss? The kiss? I don’t know how to say it. I was thinking of it a bit too much.”

See? It was really déjà vu for Taeyong. He answered the same thing to Johnny a while ago and now he didn’t know how to react. The fact that they both had the same reason why they got fever still surprised Taeyong, to be honest.

“Am I weird?” Sicheng sighed as he noticed Taeyong’s long silence.

“No, no, no. you’re not. It’s just … our minds are connected for some reason …” Taeyong blurted out and didn’t know how to continue it. He wanted to laugh. Really. He wanted to laugh out loud.

“You like it or not?” Sicheng’s question made Taeyong furrowed his brows. “I mean, the kiss. I … I kinda liked it, but I don’t know if I’m saying it correctly or not because I’m afraid you’ll get me wrong. I’m so confused, I don’t know.”

Sicheng knew he shouldn’t ask bluntly like that, but he needed to clear some _fogs_ inside his head that made him feel so dizzy. He’s already tired with all his cursed hand problems and he didn’t want something that might happen between him and Taeyong made everything more complicated.

Taeyong’s sudden laugh wasn’t an answer that Sicheng was expecting. Seeing the older laughing like that made him think of what he just said. Did he really say something in wrong way? Or what?

“Come here, you little cutie.” Still laughing, Taeyong reached out to pull Sicheng closer, gathering the skinny boy into his arms, burying his face into the crook of his neck to continue his laugh.

Sicheng was completely clueless in Taeyong’s arms. He could feel the older was shaking because of his laughter.

“Hyung—“

“Let’s just date, Sicheng.” Taeyong pulled back, still giggling. Although he couldn’t stop his giggling anytime soon, his eyes looked sincere when he said that.

Sicheng couldn’t help but widened his own eyes in surprise. Being trapped between Taeyong’s strong arms and hearing something like that … weren’t good for his heart. It’s serious. His heart was suddenly beating so fast, too fast, that he’s scared it’d jump out of his chest and explode in the air. He would die because of it.

“You look confused, I see.” Taeyong placed his hand on Sicheng’s cheek, caressing it with his thumb gently. He didn’t like it when he still could feel how warm Sicheng’s face was. “I’ll say it simpler, okay? About the kiss last night, I liked it, too. No, I loved it. That’s why I got a fever this morning because I … was thinking about it too hard after I went home last night. I guess, my body is reacting too much over this cheesy situation. You got it?”

Every single word that coming out of Taeyong’s mouth was pretty simple and Sicheng understood, that’s why he nodded slowly. There’s something inside his stomach that kept jumping around, giving him a weird sensation.

“And I—wait a minute, I—“ Taeyong continued laughing, ducking his head that the tip of his head hit Sicheng’s lips. He didn’t know why he’s laughing crazily like that while wrapping Sicheng. The weird feeling was suddenly bursting out, maybe that’s the reason.

“Hyung, you’re scaring me,” Sicheng’s voice mumbled against Taeyong’s red hair.

Taeyong tried to breathe in to stop his laugh, lifting his head again to look at Sicheng one more time.

“Let me kiss you again.” That’s the only thing Taeyong say before leaning in, capturing Sicheng’s lips, giving a light kiss before pulling back. He stared at Sicheng for a moment and leaned again to kiss him, pulling back for a second and kissing him again. Again and again until Sicheng finally kissed him back. They both giggled against each other’s mouth, realizing what kind of feeling that connected them together.

This afternoon, none of them remembered they got fever.

 

 

\-------------------------------

Johnny literally chocked on his water after Taeyong bluntly told him that he and Sicheng were dating. Sicheng immediately ran around the dining table to sit next to Johnny and patted his back. Johnny silently glared at him when he pretended to wipe his eyes. Sicheng noticed him and could only duck his head as his silent apology. Well, Sicheng was shocked, too, but he’s lucky enough he wasn’t feeding himself with a spoon of rice. If he was, maybe he would’ve chocked as well.

“Your reaction is like I just told you that we were having sex when you’re out,” Taeyong hissed, stirring his chicken soup before feeding himself.

No, Taeyong’s words didn’t even help at all. Johnny almost chocked for the second time after Sicheng offered him a glass of water. If Sicheng didn’t hold his arm tightly, he would’ve stood up and grabbed Taeyong’s neck with his long hand from across the table.

“We just started this thing, though. I mean, this relationship or whatever you call it. I like him, he likes me. We like each other. Yeah, people call it dating. Whatever, I don’t care. And—stop staring at me like that!” Taeyong unnecessarily shouted to Johnny who was literally judging him with his both eyes.

“No. I’m not gonna approve that thing between you two. Not today.” Johnny straightened his back and leaned into his chair, hand gripping the spoon a bit tighter.

“ _yet_?” Taeyong tried.

“I didn’t add any word after that,” Johnny warned firmly.

Sicheng who was looking at Johnny and Taeyong back and forth only sighed. He couldn’t tell if the bickering between these older guys was a joke since he felt every word that came out of Johnny’s mouth was kind of serious. He had known Johnny for years but today was his first time seeing Johnny like that.

After finishing their dinner with uneasy atmosphere around them and practically kicking Taeyong out of his apartment (Sicheng only waved to Taeyong soullessly behind Johnny’s back), Johnny didn’t bother to clean up the dining table first and sat Sicheng down on his chair instead before rubbing his own face in a slight frustration.

“Look, Dong Sicheng. You …” Johnny didn’t know how to start it. He grabbed the younger’s shoulders and stared at him, hoping he didn’t find what he didn’t want to see in his eyes. “Are you sure … you and Taeyong …?”

Sicheng shrugged as he got what Johnny was trying to say. It’s not even surprise if Johnny asked him because he himself wasn’t totally sure with the relationship that Taeyong had offered to him either. But he felt happy for some reason after Taeyong saying that. He felt happy when Taeyong stared at him with those soft gaze. He felt happy when Taeyong giggled over anything he did in front of him though he thought he didn’t do funny thing at all. He felt happy when Taeyong held his hand. He felt happy when Taeyong … kissed him.

Sicheng just … felt happy when he’s with Taeyong.

“I wanna try, hyung,” Sicheng spoke after spacing out for a couple of seconds.

“What if you get hurt?”

Silence.

“That’s the consequence,” Sicheng answered a bit hesitatingly.

“But we’re different. We’re not like normal people out there.”

There’s something twitching inside Sicheng’s chest after he heard Johnny’s words all of sudden. He furrowed his brows in disbelief, never expecting Johnny would come up with …

“Oh,” Sicheng said dully. He felt hurt. He swore he wasn’t going to cry.

Noticing Sicheng’s expression, Johnny wanted to smack his own mouth for saying those words. He didn’t mean to be rude, he just couldn’t stop himself from saying that.

Sicheng smiled bitterly and looked at Johnny with an unreadable look. “Finally you said that. I’ve waited for this moment for so long. But … I don’t know why it’s so hurt to hear that, though I know so well that I’m literally— _we_ are literally different. We are not like normal people out there. We’re … not normal.”

“No. I didn’t mean to—“ Johnny pulled the chair behind him and sat down, facing Sicheng. He was about to grab Sicheng’s hand, but he paused for a second before he chose to hold his shoulders instead. Sicheng noticed him and that made his heart felt hurt more. “I didn’t mean to say that, Sicheng. I was—“

Sicheng suddenly shrugged Johnny’s hands off his shoulders. “You did, hyung. And I’m not mad at you because that’s a true fact about me, about us. I’m just so disappointed because you said that at the wrong time. Not your time, but mine. You’re like … you just … just slapped my face to wake me up from my dream, that I’m not worthy enough to be happy with someone because I’m not normal.” No, he didn’t want to cry.

Now that’s a misunderstanding.

Instead of grabbing Sicheng’s shoulders again, Johnny cupped his face with his both hands, still feeling the faint heat on his face. Okay, he almost forgot Sicheng got fever.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean to say that. Please, don’t let yourself think that way. You’re so worthy to be loved, to be happy with someone—“

“But you’re acting weird right now. And it’s all after what Taeyong hyung said to you. Weren’t you the one who kept teasing me about Taeyong hyung? Weren’t you the one who kept bragging how nice Taeyong hyung was to me? You told me that maybe Taeyong hyung liked me. Hyung, I haven’t even started the relationship with him officially, but you already …” Sicheng lost his words. He grabbed Johnny’s wrists and pulled his hands away from his face a bit harshly. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be like that, but he couldn’t help himself. His heart already hurt.

Johnny missed his chance to stop Sicheng when Sicheng suddenly stood up and ran towards the front door. He wanted to run after him, but he knew it’d make the situation worse as Sicheng was very sensitive. That’s why he only stood in the doorway seeing Sicheng disappearing in his sight.

One mistake for the first time after all these years and Johnny wouldn’t forgive himself that easy. And it’s all because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Yeah, he souldn’t have said those rude words when he’s supposed to say that he’s afraid if Sicheng got hurt. Sicheng was too innocent for this cruel world and already had enough shit to deal with that he couldn’t even count how many times he caught him secretly trying to hold his tears. And tonight … he was the one who made him cry.

Johnny hurt Sicheng’s feeling. That’s one thing he wouldn’t deny.

 

\--------------------------

Taeyong stopped his car a bit abruptly. His eyes looked through the windows, finding Sicheng sitting in front of his studio all alone with both his knees pressed against his chest, burying his face between them, both hands wrapping his legs. Taeyong clicked his tongue, hands still trying to pull up the seatbelt that somehow he found it a bit hard to do it at this moment.

Johnny called him half an hour ago, telling him that he and Sicheng had a little fight, and Sicheng left his apartment. Johnny thought maybe Sicheng went to his place and wanted him to check it out. He also told him not to let Sicheng go and to try to accompany him.

Checking Sicheng wasn’t a big deal for Taeyong, but he had to curse at himself because he was at Yuta’s apartment which was a bit too far away from both his apartment and his studio. It took him forever to drive his car from Yuta’s apartment to his. And when he didn’t find Sicheng there, he almost hit his own car. He knew he shouldn’t be this dramatic, but it’s Sicheng. Even only hearing how Johnny told him that they had fight already made him feel that he had to find Sicheng as soon as possible.

_Sicheng is fragile._

_Sicheng is sensitive._

_Sicheng is softhearted._

_Sicheng breaks easily._

Those words kept wandering around his head that he had to speed up so he could arrive at his studio quickly. After knowing Sicheng was there, unharmed, though looked so heartbreakingly tiny for some reason, he breathed out in relief. He would tell Johnny later. Sicheng was his main priority now.

Taeyong approached Sicheng silently and stood right in front of him, tucking his both hands into his pockets.

“Missed me already?” Taeyong put a smile on his face, waiting for the younger to raise his head and look at him.

Sicheng was a bit startled after hearing the voice. He looked up to find Taeyong already standing in front him, giving his favorite smile. But it’s sad he couldn’t smile back at him as his mood wasn’t good. Taeyong noticed it and slowly threw the smile away, crouching down so he could be eye-level with him.

“Missed. Me. Already?” Taeyong replayed his question a bit playfully, putting a cute expression as good as he could. “It hasn’t even been twelve hours since I confessed to you, and you ran away from Youngho’s place to meet me?”

Sicheng nodded silently.

Taeyong didn’t bother to straighten his back as he’s busy staring at Sicheng’s eyes. There. He could see the sadness in those eyes, the struggle and the fear he didn’t know. After a couple of minutes, he broke their eye contact and straightened his back, motioning Sicheng to stand up. But after realizing he looked shorter than he’s supposed to be every time he and Sicheng stood next to each other, he pulled Sicheng down from the stairs, exchanging their standing positions.

“This is better,” he murmured, feeling so proud of himself when he’s a bit _taller_ than Sicheng after stepped on the stair and made Sicheng to stand on the ground. He smiled happily to himself like a child, but it only lasted for three seconds as he remembered why he’s here.

“For your information, I’m more annoying and dangerous than Youngho when it comes to nagging people.” Taeyong licked the bottom of his lips. “It’s pretty late and you’re currently sick, yet you’re outside without wearing coat or jacket to make yourself warm. Hey, I know you like me and want to be with me. But making yourself suffer like this, hm … it’s a no for me. My dream is having a healthy boyfriend who—“ he couldn’t continue his words as Sicheng suddenly hugged him, wrapping his hands around his waist tightly, burying his face into his chest. It’s weird but surprisingly fit since Taeyong was standing on the stair that made him look taller.

Sicheng was tired. Tired of running to Taeyong’s studio with his chest that felt so heavy. Tired of sitting in front of his closed studio all alone for almost two hours, feeling unsure if waiting for him to show up in front of him was a right choice or not. If his mind was in the right track, he would’ve let Taeyong nagging at him for the rest of the night. But no. He didn’t want to hear anything at this moment. He just wanted to lean his head on his shoulder as he felt there’s so much complicated things pressing his head that it hurt.

“Am I patethic?” That’s the first thing Sicheng said before turning his head, pressing his ear against Taeyong’s chest, hearing the heart beating in normal rhythm. It calmed him, somehow.

Taeyong furrowed his brows, pulled Sicheng’s shoulders back so he could see his face. “Who said that?”

Still wrapping his both hands around Taeyong’s waist, Sicheng looked up and shrugged. “Myself?”

Taeyong sighed and cupped Sicheng’s face with his both hands, pressing a quick and light kiss on his forehead. “You’re not pathetic,” he said.

“You’re Sicheng. Since when you changed your name to _Pathetic_ , by the way?” he said again, giving another light kiss on the tip of Sicheng’s nose.

That was unexpected answer from Taeyong and Sicheng didn’t know how to react. It was supposed to be, at least, a heartbreaking moment and he would let his tears falling down as literally he’s that pathetic. But … Taeyong just … destroyed the _mood_ by saying nonsense things. _Like usual._

Sicheng couldn’t help but snorted quietly, hesitatingly craning his neck so he could swoop Taeyong’s bottom lip. He missed his chance and barely ended up pecking the tip of his bottom lip. He hid his face back into Taeyong’s chest, embarrassed. Taeyong raised his brows and giggled, placing his hand on the side of Sicheng’s face and lifting it up. He burst into giggles again as he saw the obvious red on Sicheng’s cheeks. He looked away to let out his laughter.

“You’re terribly bad at kissing someone, aren’t you?” Taeyong teased and laughed again after Sicheng pouted at him.

“It’s because you’re standing on the third stair which is too far away from me to—“ Sicheng gulped, not having courage to continue his words.

“Well, I wanna know the feel of being taller than you. It’s not that bad, though. Youngho never let me do this. He always pulls me down and brainwashes me about having the fate to be a short person,” Taeyong mumbled to himself, eyes wandering around. It’s so typical Lee Taeyong everytime he started badmouthing Johnny or something he didn’t like.

Sicheng was witnessing every word that came out of Taeyong’s mouth from down there in silence. He knew he and Johnny weren’t in good term for now, but he agreed with him about the fact that Taeyong was chatty. Really chatty. Or more like a grumpy guy.

“Hyung, I don’t know why I like you,” Sicheng hummed that sent Taeyong to shut his mouth from rambling and looked down at him. “I really don’t know.”

Taeyong sighed and smiled, his hand pinching Sicheng’s cheek lightly. He relieved after noticing those innocent eyes were back. Although he didn’t know what kind of problem between Sicheng and Johnny that made Sicheng looked so down, he’s glad Sicheng thought of him out of all people. He knew it’s too soon to feel proud of himself. He didn’t care.

“You will never find the right answer why you like someone. The feeling …, it’s just there. I’m glad you’re not pushing it away. But it’s not wrong either if I ask you about it, though. So …” Taeyong cleared his throat, stepping down the stair so Sicheng couldn’t stop hurting his neck from looking at him. “Why do you like me?”

Sicheng shrugged. “I feel like … we’ve met before. I don’t know when, but … I don’t know.”

Taeyong nodded. “Maybe it’s when we accidentally met each other at that night. I just remember last night. You know, at that night, you came out of Youngho’s apartment and almost fell near the stairs. I wanted to help you, but you rejected me.”

“Really? I did that?” Sicheng couldn’t remember anything.

Taeyong snorted. “You didn’t even look at me. Of course, you didn’t remember that.”

“Maybe that’s our first meeting. So, I was right when I thought we’ve met before, wasn’t I? That night?”

“Smart boy.” Taeyong ruffled Sicheng’s hair and slightly kissed his lips. “I’ll keep kissing you everytime I have a chance so you can learn from me how to kiss someone properly. Well, even if I don’t have a chance, I’ll find one.”

Sicheng blushed and Taeyong wanted to squeeze his face so badly. Good thing, he’s good at holding himself from doing that.

“Tell me if you’re ready. I mean …” Taeyong caressed Sicheng’s cheek. “Tell me what’s the problem that made you sad like this. Though I know I can’t help much, but I’m not a bad listener. Just … don’t expect too much from me.”

“Thank you, hyung,” Sicheng nodded. His heart felt lighter after hearing those words.

Now, Sicheng couldn’t even count anymore how many times Taeyong treated him like a normal human.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

For the first time in his life— _maybe_ —Johnny felt terribly unfocused. No, he had been like this before, when he couldn’t reach Sicheng for a year. But … this time … it’s different. It’s worse, he could say. He was supposed to be done editing the draft of his client’s novel, but because his mind and his soul were flying out of his body, he couldn’t even finish it in four hours. He had emptied three cups of coffee, yet he still needed another one to drag his mind back into his head. He didn’t want to disappoint his client though he’s only a freelance editor, but all he could think was Sicheng.

Johnny wouldn’t lie to himself that he still couldn’t totally accept the fact that there’s something between Taeyong and Sicheng. Not to mention how both of them bluntly declared about their _relationship_ in front of his face. He had that uneasy feeling every time he recalled Taeyong telling him that he and Sicheng started dating. It’s not like he hated Taeyong for dating Sicheng. They both are his friends. It’s just … something kept bothering his mind and he didn’t know why.

A light tap on the round wooden table jolted him a bit. He looked up to see Taeil, a _real_ novel editor that he called to come to this café. He’s also his friend, by the way.

“It’s so rare getting a call from you. Sorry, the traffic was so crazy” Taeil said, pulling the chair and sitting down. He put his bag on the empty chair next to him.

“I feel bad for only calling you when I have a problem and need you,” Johnny said, guilty.

Taeil shook his head and laughed. “It’s okay, though. I’m glad you called me because I’ve been so fucking jobless for two months now. The last novels were postponed because there’s some problem between my company and our clients. All the drafts that I’ve been working on, they all got thrown into the trash can. _Digitally_ , of course. I’ve put an announcement on some online writers forums, telling them that I’m taking a part-time job as freelance editor so they can call me if they want me to be their _beta reader_ professionally. But guess what? None of them called me.”

Johnny chuckled,” Now you sound like you’re the one who got a serious problem here.”

“You’re my savior, Johnny.” Taeil put his both hands on his chest. “Now, tell me what’s your problem.”

Johnny turned his laptop around, showing Taeil the file he’s working on. “I’ll give this to you. Can you finish it on time?”

Taeil’s eyes widened in disbelief. He even covered his mouth with his hands to express how he was shocked so much. “Dude, you’re kidding me.”

“I’m not. I can’t focus to edit it all, so I think you’re the right person to do it. You’re the only editor I know, hyung.”

Taeil who was still in shock, pointing at the screen as if he just saw something incredible in his life, but then he furrowed his brows. “Isn’t this the draft that you told me a month ago? It’s written by that popular writer, right? Johnny, you hit the jackpot, but why are you giving this to me instead? Don’t you know this writer gave her novel draft to you because she trusted you and—“

“I’ve been kinda … lost lately, hyung. I can’t make myself focus on … literally … everything.” Johnny lightly messaged his temple.

“You’re never like this before. Is something happening? Something bothering you? Broke up with your girlfriend? Or … boyfriend …?” Taeil looked hesitated when he said the last word.

Johnny shook his head and smiled. “I don’t have any. You know me, hyung.”

Taeil snorted. “It’s okay, though. You really need to date someone, to be honest. For the sake of yourself.”

Johnny only smiled a little before shutting his mouth. There’s a short silence at their table. Taeil was busy checking some pages of the draft and getting excited by himself at some parts.

“Hyung, do you think that a fate really exists?” He asked out of the blue.

“What? Fate?” Taeil half-focused and half-ignored to Johnny’s question as he was trying to read the first pages of the draft.

“You know, fate and soulmate and stuff, something like that …” Johnny trailed off, but somehow Taeil could catch what he’s trying to say. _Maybe._

“Is this about your unfinished novel draft that you wrote three years ago?” Taeil guessed, peeking above the laptop for a second before bringing his eyes back to the screen. It simply made Johnny startle a bit. “Are you going to continue writing that masterpiece? I’ve told so many times that you’re capable enough to be a writer. Editor is such a boring profession. Yeah, I’m saying this because of my current situation. Don’t mind me.”

“No. it’s not about that.” Johnny leaned back to his chair, eyes going down to stare at his shoes under the table. His brows were raised a little as he completely got what Taeil just said. “Yes, it is,” he corrected himself.

“ _There’s a guy who has some kind of supernatural power, been taking care of someone who lost their parents. He only knows they’re just friends until there’s a time he finds out he has a special feeling to that someone. He still can’t figure out what that is_. That story, right? You just stopped writing it all of sudden. I’m still curious about the next part, though. It’s so interesting since you never told me if that guy’s friend is a male or female and what kind of power he has.” Seemed like Taeil got more interested to Johnny than to the draft.

“What is that guy supposed to do if his friend was getting far away from him? I mean … that guy just made a mistake, a huge one, I can say. And—“

“Of course he has to apologize first. Let’s think about it rationally, okay? If he doesn’t, their _so-called_ friendship could be ended and both of them wouldn’t be happy afterwards. Let’s just put aside that guy’s feeling to his friend. I mean, before he think about his feeling, make him go to their friendship first. What’s the point of loving them if he can’t save their friendship?” Taeil said in a serious tone.

Johnny snorted.

“I don’t care about his power, whatsoever. Even if you didn’t add those supernatural powers in their story, he still needed to apologize. That’s a common thing with what we have to do in real life.” Taeil sighed to himself. “I’m exposing how bad I am at writing a storyline. I don’t have any writing skill, so that’s the best thing I can give to you. But … does he really love his friend? That special feeling is a love, right?”

Johnny shrugged. “I don’t know. He said he cares so much about his friend.”

“Now that’s complicated. I hope he can figure it out soon before one of them gets hurt. Or maybe both of them.” Taeil frowned.

Noticing how serious Taeil’s frowned expression was, Johnny cuckled and slightly slapped his arm. “Hyung, it’s just a story. Why are you taking it so seriously?”

“My habit is always taking everything seriously!” Taeil protested.

Johnny only laughed, running his hand through his hair and looking away. He blankly stared at the view outside the café through the wall of glass.

“Save their friendship first?” he hummed to himself, completely ignoring Taeil who kept trying to make him hearing all his complains.

 

\-----------------------------

 

Yuta liked Sicheng so much to the point he wanted to adopt him as his little brother and brought him home. But this afternoon, he really wanted to mock Sicheng’s pink jacket. He would’ve stayed quiet if the color was soft baby pink, but it’s … a really bright one that he could see it from afar.

“Did Taeyong buy that jacket for you?” Yuta asked. He kept glancing towards the elevator to warn himself that Taeyong could go down by the lift anytime.

Sicheng nodded excitedly.

Yuta sighed and ruffled Sicheng’s hair. “You’re too innocent to get this awful treatment from him.”

“Eeeey, it looks good, though.”

Yuta only rolled his eyes before noticing Taeyong coming out of the lift and now walking towards them.

“What are you talking about?” Taeyong approached them, furrowing his brows.

“We’re just talking about the nice weather in this afternoon. And since we could finish the practice really earlier, the weather is getting nicer. I’m guessing I’ll get a good fortune today,” Yuta answered with wide grin.

Taeyong snorted. “Not _we_ , but _you_. What are _you_ talking about with Sicheng? Are you trying to corrupt him with your cheesy and lame catchphrases? If you—“

“You’re killing the mood already, Lee Taeyong.” Yuta narrowed his eyes. After adjusting his bag on his shoulder, he excused himself, leaving Sicheng who’s giggling next to Taeyong.

“You seem so close with him lately.” Taeyong noticed Sicheng kept waving to Yuta, looking unpleased.

“He’s a funny guy. I like him.” Sicheng brushed his arm against Taeyong’s, half teasing him.

Taeyong only rolled his eyes before grabbing Sicheng’s wrist and putting his hand down. He wanted to flick his forehead or give a light smack on the back of his head, but his smile made him drag that plan to the back of his head. Sicheng’s smile was cute. Always too cute for him to hit him.

“Are we gonna go upstairs already? It’s only five pm, I love you, but I don’t wanna lie down on the couch and watch tv and eat chips at this hour. That’s unhealthy.” Taeyong looked down at his watch. Yeah, it’s too early to bury themselves in his office room. Actually they could cuddle in the bedroom inside his office room, but today … Taeyong wanted to see the crowd and get some air. It’s not like they had done it (the cuddling on the bed part) every night, he just made it up on his mind, anyway.

“Got any idea?”

Taeyong wanted to say “Johnny’s place”, but he’s aware enough with the tension between Sicheng and Johnny. None of them had a slight plan inside their heads to make up, clearing the things that made them both showing their backs to each other. If he had to count, it had been two weeks since Sicheng went to his studio and stayed over. He’s happy he could spend his days with Sicheng, but on other side, he couldn’t pretend there’s nothing happened. _One_ , he still didn’t know the _real_ issue between them as Sicheng had not told him anything. _Two_ , Johnny never talked or asked anything about Sicheng when he visited him. And three—

“You’re spacing out again!” Sicheng clasped his hands right in front of Taeyong’s face, the dust on his gloves flying out only to make Taeyong suddenly sneezing. Well, at least Sicheng could bring Taeyong’s mind back.

“Did you touch something dirty?” Taeyong immediately jerked his head away and stepped back.

“Just helped Jaehyun to move some property boxes to the storage room,” Sicheng answered, giggling at how Taeyong scrunched his nose and furrowed his brows.

“Aren’t you too sensitive with dust? Why were you playing with it?” Taeyong looked annoyed as his nose felt so itchy now.

“I wasn’t playing! I was helping Jaehyun to—“

“Next time don’t help him! If I ever see you helping him again, I will …” Taeyong paused as he couldn’t find the right words to continue. “I will …” he’s trying.

“ _I will_ what?” Sicheng made a face. He’s so annoyingly cute. Simple thing to make Taeyong couldn’t get upset any longer.

“Let’s just get some cookies and iced chocolate.” Taeyong patted Sicheng’s arm before bringing his hand down to hold his hand.

Sicheng snorted, slotting his fingers between Taeyong’s. “You like sweets too much, hyung.”

“Maybe that’s the reason why I like you, too.”

“So lame.”

“Shut up.”

 

 

Two iced chocolates with a lot of whipped cream and two plates of assorted cookies were already on the table for Taeyong and Sicheng. Sicheng could’ve eaten the cookies, but he wanted to wait for Taeyong to come back from the toilet first. So, he just stayed silent in his seat and randomly looked at some people inside the cafe. They were chatting with their friends, enjoying their drinks, laughing together. He found himself smiling. If he had to, he could show off, telling them that he had felt that too with Taeyong and his dancers ; gathering together, eating and drinking together, playing together, laughing together.

Just like normal people.

“What are you thinking of?”

Sicheng almost jumped in his seat after Taeyong gave a light flick on his forehead. He didn’t know when he came back to their table, though.

“I feel happy,” Sicheng grinned, glancing at those people one more time before looking back at Taeyong .

“You’ve been like that for two weeks, by the way,” Taeyong giggled, sipping his iced chocolate and bit a heart-shaped cookie.

“It’s all because of you.” Sicheng took a cookie and dipped it into the whipped cream before shoving it into his mouth. Taeyong wanted to respond, but he got distracted by Sicheng’s dirty pink gloves. There were so many dust dots all over the gloves.

“Take them off,” Taeyong said, causing Sicheng raised his brows in confusion. “Your gloves,” he added later. “You can’t eat with those dirty gloves.”

Sicheng looked down at his gloves. Okay, Taeyong was right. His gloves looked so dirty. But he needed to think twice, and maybe more, to take them off because they’re literally in … public Anything bad could happen to him and people around him if they accidentally touched his hands.

So, no. He wouldn’t take off his gloves.

“I can’t,” Sicheng said.

Taeyong looked around inside the café before saying, “There’s no dust here. They use AC and the door is closed. It’s okay to take off your gloves. Trust me. Moreover … aren’t you uncomfortable eating the cookies with dirty gloves?”

Sicheng went silence as he’s looking at Taeyong. He wanted to trust Taeyong, really. But … it’s just …

“I’ll sit there.” Taeyong pushed up from his chair and dragged it next to Sicheng after telling the younger to move aside. Sicheng only obeyed what Taeyong told him silently, moving his chair near the wall of glass and sitting on it in confusion.

“Take them off,” Taeyong said again. “No one will touch your hand because someone is blocking their way to get you.”

It took at least five seconds for Sicheng to finally get what Taeyong just said. His cheeks were blushing and he couldn’t hide his smile. His heart was squealing. _Okay, that’s … overreacting, but who cares?_

Sicheng took off his gloves hesitatingly and placed them on the table, a bit away from the cookies. He still felt awkward and uncomfortable with his bare hands. He didn’t know where to put his hands. On the table or on his own lap? It would’ve been so much easier if he’s only with Johnny. Or Taeyong at this moment. But, among the crowd like this …, when there were so many people he didn’t know around him, when they might turn their heads and look at him with full of judgment in their eyes if he accidentally made a mistake or did something stupid, he didn’t even want to imagine it.

“I’m here,” Taeyong whispered, grabbing Sicheng’s hands and intertwining their fingers for a moment before randomly touching Sicheng’s ear.

For a second, Sicheng almost forgot that Taeyong was the only person he could touch their hands without getting any vision on his mind. The warmth of Taeyong’s hand that he liked the most made him calm a little. And that led him to hold Taeyong’s hand back, causing Taeyong jolted. He smiled widely as he’s lifting their hands up, slowly intertwining their fingers again before putting them down back on the table.

“You’re such a kid,” Taeyong snorted, letting the younger to squeeze his hand. He checked the time on his phone screen and glanced at the entrance door several times. He’s lucky enough Sicheng didn’t pay any attention to him and chose to enjoying the cookies and his drink instead.

Two minutes later, he sat upright in his chair as he saw someone opened the door and walked inside the café while adjusting their glasses. He wanted to wave his hand, motioning them that he’s here, at the corner of the café. But he put that thought to the back of his head as he realized Sicheng was with him. So, he decided to text them.

 

 _We’re here, Youngho._ _Two o’clock_

 

Their eyes met after Taeyong saw Johnny looking around checking every table inside the café to find him. But the eye contact only lasted for less two seconds as Johnny moved his eyes to stare at Sicheng who’s too busy dipping two cookies into whipped cream to notice Johnny was staring at him with unreadable look on his face.

Taeyong motioned him to come over to his table. Johnny only sighed before walking towards his table. When Johnny was only five steps away from his table, Taeyong changed his expression, acting as if he’s surprised.

“Oh, Youngho!”

Sicheng quickly lifted his head up, accidentally dropping his cookie into his iced chocolate. He froze seeing Johnny already standing in front of the table.

“You … you can sit here,” Taeyong cleared his throat, turning his head to see Sicheng who’s still silent next to him.

Johnny pulled a chair and sat down silently, putting his book on the table and letting out a sigh. “Hi, Sicheng,” he greeted, voice sounding so soft as usual.

Instead of answering Johnny, Sicheng sighed and turned to look at Taeyong. “What’s this?”

Taeyong knew Sicheng would react like this. “Setting this up so you can make up with him. And please listen to me first,” he said as he saw Sicheng was about to interrupt him. “You can hate me, hit me as much as you want later, but for now, you and Johnny need to settle down the problem or whatever it is between you two.”

Sicheng furrowed his brows, looking so bitter. He couldn’t blame Taeyong for this situation since he didn’t know anything. But still …, he never expected Taeyong would do something like this. He wasn’t ready yet to meet Johnny.

Taeyong squeezed Sicheng’s hand before letting his hand off. “I’ll sit there and let you guys talk comfortably.” He sat up, gathering his phone, his iced chocolate and one of plates of cookies. He grinned telling them he didn’t want to let himself sitting alone without eating anything.

Sicheng couldn’t say anything as Taeyong was so fast bringing himself off their table to move to the other table behind his. He looked over his shoulder to find Taeyong already sitting at that table, showing his back and plugging his earphones in his ears. Slowly, he brought his head back and looked down to stare his iced chocolate, not having any courage to lift his head to look at Johnny who couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. Now, he looked like he’s the one who made a mistake here, not Johnny.

Two minutes had passed and all Johnny and Sicheng did was being silent on their chairs. None of them tried to talk. It’s weird seeing both of them in an awkward state like this as they used to talk about literally anything whenever they’re together. But thanks to Johnny who, _finally_ , started the conversation with clearing his throat first before calling Sicheng’s name. His voice sounded soft as usual. And that was the moment Sicheng realized he missed Johnny so much. He missed how the elder called him with that voice. Stupid argument made everything between them look dull and numb, Sicheng really didn’t like it.

“How are you?” Simple yet meaningful question. Johnny knew Sicheng would always be fine. Yeah, he could think like that as he didn’t find dark circles that were always spotted under Sicheng’s eyes. His face looked fresh. His eyes were so bright, but they disappeared as soon as he saw him. Johnny would blame himself again.

“Good,” Sicheng answered so quickly..

“Honestly …” Johnny began. “I asked Taeyong to set this up. I was too afraid to meet you by myself because … I thought you didn’t want to see me.”

“I almost had that thought …” Sicheng looked at Johnny. “I almost had a thought that I don’t want to meet you, I don’t want to see you for long time.”

Something just scratched Johnny’s heart, leaving a painful mark. He didn’t want to feel it.

“But I can’t,” Sicheng continued, ducking his head again. That wasn’t a lie, though. He really couldn’t have that thought, even when he tried to. “You really hurt my feeling when you said I’m not normal, hyung.”

Johnny stole a glance towards Taeyong’s table, finding the red-haired guy holding his phone in front of his face, an intense game was on and he could hear Taeyong cursing under his breath as he lost in some battle. But he wasn’t totally paying attention to him as he still had an important moment with someone in front of him.

Sicheng sighed, leaning back to his chair and waiting for Johnny to say something since he didn’t know what to say anymore. All the rants inside his head that he had suddenly puffed off, leaving him alone with zero nerve to yell at Johnny.

“That’s why I’m here, to apologize. I shouldn’t have said something like that. I was … I don’t know what’s going on with me at that time. I just … that was … kind of … something new for me,” Johnny tried. He was really careful with any word that came out of his mouth, not wanting Sicheng to misinterpret all his words anymore. “Sorry.”

Only one word and Sicheng already forgave Johnny. That’s too simple, too easy for someone who was so sensitive over anything and everything. But once again, Sicheng couldn’t get mad at Johnny any longer. Johnny was one of a few people who always took care of him, trusted him and made him feel alive. So, here he was, easily accepting Johnny’s apology and already forgetting what Johnny had said to him.

“You and I aren’t normal, that’s the fact we can’t deny, but believe me, we are not monsters. Having a power to see and communicate with ghosts are nothing for me, Sicheng. I’m always worried about you and your power. It’s not like I’m afraid you would hurt people out there, but it’s otherwise. I’m afraid they would hurt you. You have nothing to do with anything bad that would happen to them when the only thing you do is just touching their hands by accident. In the end, they’re the ones who would blame you. I can’t—“

Sicheng quietly snorted. “Since when you’re like this? You’re never worried about me too much, hyung.”

Somehow …, Johnny felt relieved seeing Sicheng’s smile.

“Just say … I’ve been like this and you never had a time to notice it?”

Sicheng couldn’t help but smiled again looking at Johnny’s slight frowned face. He noticed it a long time ago. He noticed how protective Johnny was to him and he already felt grateful for that. Maybe … this sudden state was kind of a shock therapy where both of them realized that they had different thoughts about some things. It was just … how they made it blend without hurting each other.

“What about your hands?” Johnny looked at Sicheng’s folded hands on the table.

Sicheng shook his head. “Still the same. I still get that vision after touching people’s hands, except Taeyong hyung’s.”

Johnny nodded quietly.

 

 

 

Taeyong was so quiet on their way home, but Sicheng didn’t notice it. The younger kept swinging their interlocked hands like a child as his heart felt a little lighter after talking with Johnny. It was obvious that he didn’t want to stay away from his best friend either. The warmth of Taeyong’s hand that he felt added another weird feelings inside his chest.

It would’ve been much better if Taeyong could feel how Sicheng constantly squeezed his hand and see how Sicheng stole glances only to smile at him. Taeyong was spacing out, complicated thoughts already flooding his mind, leaving him like a soulless person who was walking and looking at the store buildings across the street blankly. He almost bumped to other pedestrian he didn’t notice them first. Lucky enough, he managed to drag himself closer to Sicheng that made the younger almost stumble aside.

“You okay, hyung?” Sicheng asked, a bit worried as he saw Taeyong’s unfocused eyes.

“Yeah.”

Taeyong motioned Sicheng to continue walking. This time, Sicheng clearly noticed the change on Taeyong’s facial expression as if there’s something bothering his mind. And the first thing that came out of Sicheng’s mind was …

“Are you jealous?”

Taeyong turned his head to Sicheng right away, brows furrowed in confusion. “What?”

“Are you jealous?” Sicheng repeated his question. “I mean … Johnny hyung. Are you jealous …”

“Don’t be stupid. He’s my best friend and I’m not jealous of anyone,” Taeyong snorted, looking away.

“But you’re not really good at hiding your upset face. It’s so obvious, hyung.”

Taeyong stopped from walking, letting out a loud sigh that caused Sicheng to feel a bit alarmed. He rubbed his face in frustration and stared at Sicheng with unreadable expression for a moment before turning around to let out another sigh. It was obvious that he had something bothering his mind and Sicheng’s words made it worse.

“I ran out of patience now,” Taeyong spoke to himself, turning around to face Sicheng again. He was about to spill it out, but as soon as he saw Sicheng’s confused look, he already lost all the courage and ended up frowning. “Let’s find a quieter place.” He grabbed Sicheng’s wrist and dragged him, crossing the street to reach an empty alley near the old grocery store.

Once they’re in that empty alley, Taeyong released his grip and showed the same unreadable expression. He looked at the two sides of the alley, as if he’s making sure there’s no one near them. He opened his mouth, ready to say something, but then he closed it again and his shoulders slumped down. He leaned his back against the brick wall behind him, looking so tired for no reason.

Sicheng could only furrow his brows, waiting for Taeyong to say something which seemed not going to happen anytime soon since he’s struggling by himself.

“I don’t know where to start.” Finally Taeyong spoke, still uncertainly. He looked at Sicheng, eyes trying to focus on Sicheng’s face but he couldn’t stop himself from looking at something else. Realizing Sicheng was still staring at him, Taeyong ducked his head down, but he froze after seeing Sicheng’s hands. His chest tightened that he had to turn around and rested his forehead against the wall, both fists knocking it while he’s trying to calm down. He couldn’t.

Sicheng looked confused, not knowing what to do. Taeyong didn’t even give him a chance to ask why he’s like that and kept mumbling something he couldn’t hear clearly as if he’s talking to the wall like a crazy person. Sicheng almost thought Taeyong got possessed by some crazy ghost and he was about to ask him about it. But before he could say anything, Taeyong suddenly turned around that made Sicheng almost jump. And the next thing was Taeyong throwing himself towards Sicheng, wrapping his arms around Sicheng’s neck and tiptoeing so he could hug him properly.

“I’m trying to get mad at you, but …. Why? Why I …,” Taeyong groaned into Sicheng’s neck. “I can’t do it. What’s wrong with me?”

Sicheng really had hard time to process all Taeyong’s words because … honestly, he didn’t understand at all.

Taeyong sighed, lifting his head up a bit so he could rest his chin on Sicheng’s shoulder, still frowning over all the untold thoughts on his mind. “You know I love you, right? You know I really really love you, don’t you?”

Sicheng nodded quietly, letting himself tried to follow whatever Taeyong was trying to say slowly. He knew Taeyong would explain what’s happening to him, so he would wait for him.

“Do you trust me?” That was the first question but Sicheng already furrowed his brows. He couldn’t help but nodded.

“I do, hyung …” Sicheng trailed off.

There’s a relieved sigh coming from Taeyong. One of his hands was petting Sicheng’s hair. He just realized Sicheng’s hair was so soft, but no, he couldn’t let himself fall into the distraction.

Taeyong’s words had so many contexts. Ten? Hundred? Million? Perhaps, billion different contexts, yet Sicheng couldn’t think any of it.

Sicheng wanted to pull Taeyong back so he could see his face and asked what that meant, but Taeyong didn’t let go off him and even tightened his hug.

“Stay like this, please. I have no courage to see your face right now.”

It was supposed to be some kind of serious or intense moment, but Sicheng broke it by giggling quietly after noticing Taeyong stumbled, couldn’t manage to stand still on his toes. He then wrapped his both hands around Taeyong’s waist, holding him tight. He tried to hold his smile because at this rate he thought Taeyong would tell him that he’s jealous and warn him not to meet Johnny anymore. Something like that.

“I’m sorry for eavesdropping,” Taeyong began hesitatingly. Voice muffled against the collar of Sicheng’s jacket.

Still smiling, Sicheng furrowed his brows. He could hear Taeyong letting out another sigh.

Slowly, Taeyong pulled back, hands on Sicheng’s shoulders and dropped down to hold his hands.

“What should I do so you can completely trust me like you do to Youngho?” he continued.

Sicheng lost his smile gradually. He still didn’t understand, but somehow … he felt he didn’t want to hear the next words. There’s a slight pang inside his chest, quietly growing that he almost didn’t notice it.

“I wanna tell myself that you trust me, but the other side of my mind keeps telling me you don’t. I’m seriously mad at myself because I can’t stop myself from doubting you. I know I shouldn’t be like this. But … I’ve been trying so hard to … to ignore all those stupid thoughts, but every time I found something off about you, I … I always ended up being that bad guy.”

All the words still sounded so ambiguous yet it hit Sicheng right away after almost ignoring the slight pain inside his chest.

 

_Trust …_

_Doubt …_

_Something off about you …_

 

Sicheng was frozen, eyes staring at Taeyong’s, trying to find a small comfort that he might need it to tell him that what he heard was wrong. That that wasn’t a thing he had been afraid of. That Taeyong was talking about something else, nothing special.

“About your hands …” Taeyong squeezed Sicheng’s hands.

That’s it. Sicheng could feel the shiver running down his spine, his chest tightened. He tore his eyes away, ducking his head down.

“Sicheng …”

Sicheng shook his head rapidly, not wanting to hear anything. he tried to release his hands from Taeyong’s hold. The more he tried, the more Taeyong tightened his hold. But Sicheng didn’t give up. He kept pulling his hand, quietly whimpering as he felt something was filling up his eyes.

No, he didn’t want to cry.

“Hey, I—“

“Let go off my hands. Please, hyung,” Sicheng begged weakly. He didn’t blink because he knew if he did, the tears wouldn’t stop falling.

Once Taeyong released his hold, Sicheng immediately brought his hands on his sides, he even hiding them behind his back.

Sicheng knew where this conversation would go. He knew what exactly Taeyong would say after this. But he already lost all his strength to hear all of it. All he wanted to do was running away from that alley as fast as he could, as far as he could that Taeyong couldn’t run after him anymore. After that, he would cry and curse at himself.

No. it was only inside his mind because he couldn’t move his legs, standing there hopelessly, waiting for Taeyong to mock his hands, calling him a freak and breaking their relationship.

“Sicheng, listen to me.”

“I don’t wanna hear it.”

“I haven’t even finished my words. So please …”

“I don’t wanna hear it, hyung.”

The tears dropped, making Taeyong immediately paused what he wanted to say. Sicheng stepped backwards, wiping away the tears from his face a bit harshly with the back of his hand.

When Sicheng said he didn’t want to hear anything from Taeyong, he meant it. He would rather be a deaf person than he had to hear Taeyong saying something about his hands because he knew he would regret it later. Everything was on the edge of the cliff, including himself. Once Taeyong opened his mouth, he would get thrown off the cliff.

“Why are you hiding it from me?” Taeyong still tried.

Taeyong’s voice was still soft as usual, but in Sicheng’s ears, it sounded like a rage. The rage that was slowly building up every second. Still, Sicheng didn’t give any answer.

“After knowing and seeing with my own eyes how Youngho showed his power to me, I started to be aware with supernatural things. I even ignored people around me calling me crazy just because I believed him.” Taeyong took a breath for a short pause, observing Sicheng’s expression which was still hard to explain.

All bullshit. Sicheng had heard that kind of words when he was away from Johnny for a year back then. There was a guy. A nice guy. He was so gentle and well mannered that Sicheng laid his trust on him, telling a little bit of his _secret_ about his hands. Everything was fine until he accidentally touched his fingertips and saw the _bad scene_. He tried to tell him carefully but that guy only laughed at him. And the moment that _scene_ became true, with some bruises on his face, that guy came to him, pointing his finger at his face, shouting his name along with several curses, telling him to stay away from him.

 

 _Monster_.

 

That was the only word Sicheng couldn’t even forget until now. So, no. Taeyong said it wrong at this moment. It’s not easy to believe someone who had abnormal power, especially the power that could give harm to people around them. It’s not easy to give all your trust to them without watching your own back, without protecting yourself with a shield because … they could hurt you.

It’s not like Sicheng was being skeptical, he just felt uncomfortable and scared “trust”. The fact that he believed Johnny so much to the point he willingly let his guard off fully when he’s with him, it’s because they shared the same pain. Maybe it sounded so cliché, he couldn’t even understand himself. Johnny had been there, always there, opening his arms widely to gather him into his warm hug for these years, to soothe him from breaking down, to protect him.

With Taeyong was something brand new for him. All the trust he had been afraid of, it’s testing him, confusing him from every corner of his life.

Sicheng’s thoughts popped off. His mind was back to his head, causing him slightly gasped as he found Taeyong already pressing his lips against his. His hand caressed his jaw softly. The kiss only lasted for couple of seconds because he didn’t kiss him back. Taeyong drew himself back a bit.

“Why are you hiding it from me?” he whispered, leaning his forehead on Sicheng’s. “Am I not worthy enough for you to know about your hands? Am I still that random guy who easily loves you and acts like a fool and ignorant? Does my love not strong enough for you so you think it’s okay to hide your pain from me?”

The glass had broken. Sicheng started sobbing. He brought his hand up to cover his face, to hide his ugly tears. Taeyong’s words just slapped him so hard and it made him cry even louder. He just made someone who loved him so much questioning himself, doubting his own love. It’s not Taeyong’s fault!

“I’m scared you would think I’m a monster,” Sicheng choked on his own tears. He pulled his hands away from his face, staring down at them with his blurry eyes. “These hands are cursed. I’ve hurt so many people though I didn’t want to. I’ve tried to isolate myself, but they kept coming to me. What should I do if I hurt you, too? I’ve let myself to be this selfish only to accept you. I’ve gone too far from where I used to hide myself from the world. I’ve gone too far, hyung …” Sicheng’s cracked voice muffled against Taeyong’s shoulder as the elder pulled him into his hug. He’s crying again, devouring all his emotion as he felt so helpless with everything that happened to him. He didn’t know why he’s so weak like this. All the strength he had been building up to protect himself from this kind of feeling was shattering off, leaving him alone with the fear. And Taeyong’s hug made him lose his control.

Taeyong was speechless. He really was. He didn’t know Sicheng would break down like this. It was beyond what he was expecting. And at this rate, he regretted everything he had done today. he shouldn’t have eavesdropped their conversation and—no, he couldn’t help himself from that, though. He was sitting at the table right behind theirs and he really plugged in the earphones to listen to play some game, but his curiosity took over himself, leading him to pretend playing game while he focused on what Johnny and Sicheng were talking about. And … he heard it all.

If Taeyong had to be honest, he really wanted to get mad, he wanted to yell at Sicheng and Johnny, asking them why they’re hiding this fact from him. He wanted to ask himself, why he’s surrounded by people like them, why the life he had been living in wasn’t normal. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t make himself thinking of something like that.

He couldn’t because it’s Sicheng. The precious boy whom he loved the most.

And the worse thing was he wanted to punch his own face after Sicheng said he’s afraid if he would think he’s a monster because of his hands. Taeyong swore to God, he never had that thought. It’s true that he needed some time to think of what he had seen with his own eyes how Sicheng gasped in pain and passed out after touching someone’s hands, how Sicheng told him about his hands when he’s drunk at that night, how he tried his best to avoid any physical contact with other people directly and kept wearing gloves everywhere. Although he didn’t completely understand, he already knew there’s _something_ about Sicheng’s hands. The thing that hurt his heart was how Sicheng kept hiding it from him and pretending he’s just sensitive to the dust, nothing more.

The broken boy in his arms was shaking, couldn’t stop from sobbing and sniffing, hands holding onto the fabric of his shirt. And all he could do was only rubbing his back, whispering countless _I love you_ in his ear because he wanted Sicheng to know he really did love him despite what happened to his hands.

Taeyong pulled Sicheng, his heart aching as he saw Sicheng’s crying face. It’s so heartbreaking. He reached out to wipe the tears away gently, giving a soft peck on his shaky lips before telling him that it’s fine.

“I’m a monster, right?” Sicheng barely let out his voice as he spoke, still having hard time to stop sobbing.

Taeyong shook his head, both hands cupping the sides of Sicheng’s face. “You’re not, Sicheng. You’re Dong Sicheng, remember. Why do you keep calling yourself with other names, huh? _Pathetic? Monster?_ You’re none of them.”

“But my hands …” Sicheng brought up his hands, trying to show Taeyong how pathetic his life because of his hands. “They are the reason why I’m like this, hyung.”

Taeyong gathered Sicheng’s hands into his hold, squeezing them for the good measure and kissing them gently. “You’re wrong if you think they are cursed. They’re the gift, the special one that no one would have it unless they’re special.”

“I got this after I—“

“It’s a gift, Sicheng. Don’t ever think it’s a curse. And more important thing, you don’t hurt people. They, those people, got hurt because of their own mistake, they weren’t careful about their surroundings. You have nothing to do with whatever that happened to them.”

Taeyong just said the same thing Johnny had said for years.


	10. Chapter 10

When Taeyong told himself that he didn’t want to go up to his office room and cuddle Sicheng in the bed after the practice ended, he wasn’t joking. But after all the things that happened to him and Sicheng this afternoon in the café and in that alley, he decided to take his words back, though it’s too late. Now, he’s already in his studio, inside the bedroom, _spooning_ Sicheng under the warm cover, sneaking his arm under the younger neck so he could wrap his shoulders.

They’re so quiet that Taeyong thought Sicheng already fell asleep. Not until he heard a soft sniffle. He immediately craned his neck to look at Sicheng. That was the moment he saw tears falling down from Sicheng’s closed eyes. But Taeyong didn’t say anything and just dropped his head back onto his pillow and sighed quietly. He knew it wouldn’t be easy to soothe Sicheng, to stop him from crying after all the emotional feelings that he had let out. That was loaded from Sicheng’s limit and Taeyong wanted to thank him for expressing all his pain in front him. Maybe that wasn’t all, but still, he felt grateful.

“You’re such a crybaby,” Taeyong was supposed to say it jokingly, but somehow it sounded like a mock.

Thanks to Sicheng’s weak hum, Taeyong didn’t have to smack his own mouth for saying that.

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” Sicheng finally spoke with his cracked voice.

Taeyong didn’t respond and only pulled Sicheng closer to his chest, nuzzling his nose into his hair. He hoped that could give Sicheng a sign that he didn’t need to apologize anymore. Everything was fine now.

“I’m sorry. I really am—“

“One more time you say that word, I will kiss you until you can’t feel your own lips anymore tomorrow.”

Sicheng immediately shut his own mouth close, but then he smiled after hearing Taeyong’s soft giggles. Taeyong was such a nice person, too nice in this world and he felt he’s the luckiest person because Taeyong only loved him. Maybe, thanking him for the rest of his life wouldn’t be enough.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Taeyong said after a minute of silence.

Sicheng cleared his sore throat. “Hm.”

Taeyong’s hand that was hugging Sicheng’s waist now slowly moved to hold his hand, lifting it up to Sicheng’s face to show him how he intertwined their fingers together. “Out of the people out there … why me?” he asked.

Taeyong’s hands are always warm, strangely giving him a nice comfort. But Taeyong’s question distracted him.

“What do you mean?”

“This.” Taeyong shook their connected hands a bit. “You can see the … the … bad things after you touch people’s hands. But you see nothing after touching mine. Why? I’ve tried to figure out by myself, but … but … okay, forget my useless brain. Tell me about it.” Taeyong sighed, giving up.

For a moment, Sicheng only stared at their hands, not saying anything. His mind flew back to the day where he touched Taeyong’s hands for the first time. That was in the morning, in Taeyong’s apartment. He still remembered how the familiar pain hit his chest, his lungs, his head, and his entire body. Not to mention he got shocked as he didn’t see anything.

“I don’t know either, hyung,” Sicheng answered.

Sicheng wasn’t lying. He really didn’t know why that happened to him.

“Have you felt this before? I mean … have you gotten this kind of situation before you met me?”  Taeyong still tried.

Sicheng shook his head, bringing their hands to his cheek. “This is the first time.”

Taeyong blinked his eyes several times, frowning deeply as if he’s thinking of something seriously.

“Should … should … should … we call this … as ….a … _miracle_? _One of a kind_? Wow, why do I feel so special all of sudden?” Taeyong tried his best not to grin as he knew it wasn’t the right time to do it, but the way he dipped his entire face into Sicheng’s hair just gave a sign that he’s hiding his smile. He even tightened his hug that Sicheng had to grimace in a slight pain.

“You happy now?” Sicheng noticed Taeyong’s odd act behind him. He really wanted to wiggle, but Taeyong’s hug was just too tight and too strong. When he was about to turn his head, he heard Taeyong’s sigh and the next moment, he could feel the warm breath fanning his neck.

“It’s complicated, to be honest. Knowing I’m the only one who can touch your hands without giving you any pain makes me … want to …want to … hug you and kiss you for the rest of my life. But—“

“Do it.”

Sicheng’s words completely surprised Taeyong that he had to lift his head up to look at Sicheng side profile properly. It’s good since Sicheng turned his head to meet Taeyong’s confused face. They both stared each other for a couple of seconds until Sicheng repeated what he just said.

Too bad, Taeyong was even more confused.

“I’ve told you that I’m already this selfish to let myself happy with you. There’s no turning back, I guess. I can’t feel anything but happy knowing I see nothing on my mind after touching your hands. I’m this happy and I don’t wanna lose it. So, do it, hyung. Hug me and kiss me for the rest of your life because from now on, your hands are the only thing that I’ll hold forever,” Sicheng said it all seriously.

And taeyong?

 “Damn, that was so cheesy,” Taeyong spoke, looking away.

“Obviously,” Sicheng added, looking up to see Taeyong’s face gradually changing from serious to more serious as he looked down to meet Sicheng’s eyes.

They both wen’t silent, staring at each other’s eyes. Taeyong was more like he’s battling himself for not blushing in front of Sicheng. He needed to stay cool as much as he could. But Sicheng’s eyes just melted everything. He lost the moment he found himself craning his neck down to capture Sicheng’s lips.

The first three seconds of the kiss was innocent, soft and slow. But after Sicheng rolled onto his back and hung his arms around Taeyong’s neck, it started a bit deeper and more passionately, devouring all the feelings around them, ignoring the air was getting thin between them.

It was a moment that full of pleasure and Taeyong already sneaked his hand under Sicheng’s t-shirt secretly. But the noisy sound of Sicheng’s phone ruined everything. Sicheng immediately rolled onto his side again, leaving Taeyong who ended up dropping his mouth on his neck instead and groaning in frustration.

Sicheng stretched his hand out to reach his phone which was on the edge of the bedside table. He moved a bit to grab it properly and sighed as he almost slipped it off.

Johnny’s name was on the screen.

A FaceTime.

Without thinking anything per a second, Sicheng swiped the screen to the right side and Johnny’s face appeared a second later.

“ _Eww… disgusting_!”

Taeyong practically lifted his face from Sicheng’s neck in a bolt and found Sicheng already _FaceTime-ing_ with Johnny. He’s surprised knowing out of all of the communication ways that existed in the world, Johnny had to choose FaceTime, but he’s too lazy to get mad. So he just rested his chin the crook of Sicheng’s neck while judged Johnny’s face on the screen.

“You’re more disgusting in your ugly glasses. What do you want? What are you doing?” Taeyong rested his cheek on Sicheng’s head, pulling out his hand of Sicheng’s t-shirt and hugging his waist instead.

“ _Stopping you from doing nasty thing with my best friend_ ,” Johnny answered, deadpanned. “ _I saw your hand coming out of his cloth. Don’t think I didn’t see it_.”

Sicheng buried his face into the sheet while kept holding his phone up.

“Why do I feel you just sent your creepy ghost friends to spy us? Dude, that’s illegal,” Taeyong said, tightening his hug.

“ _You’re right. I can see one of my creepy ghost friends still standing near the door behind you_ ,” Johnny played along which caused Taeyong to freak out, pulling himself from Sicheng to look at the door.

Sicheng clicked his tongue. “Hyung.”

Taeyong forgot about the kiss, about the sensual tension that was about to take over them inside the room. He now threw all the pillows he had towards the door and almost pulled the pillow under Sicheng’s head.

“You better tell your friends to get out of my room, to get out of my studio right now! Youngho, I swear to God, if you …” Taeyong started to snap, pointing at the door with his frightened face.

While Taeyong was still rambling and cursing near the bed, Sicheng chose to talk to Johnny, telling him to stop bothering Taeyong.

“ _That is one of the reasons why I keep him as my best friend, Sicheng. His reaction is always priceless_ ,” Johnny laughed, completely ignoring the angry Taeyong behind Sicheng as he looked at Sicheng only. “ _What happened with your eyes?_ ”

Sicheng smiled weakly, rested his head on his pillow. “I’ll tell you everything tomorrow.”

“ _So you’re coming tomorrow?”_

Sicheng nodded.

“ _Come here at 9 in the morning. I’m free in that hour. Well … I’m always free, anyway. What do you wanna eat? I’ll cook it for you.”_

“Anything is fine…” Sicheng got distracted a bit by Taeyong’s cursed word that he had to look over his shoulder to see Taeyong swaying his hand in the empty air near the door. He went back to his phone. “Hyung, can you tell your ghost friend to get out of here?”

Johnny smiled, amused. “There’s nothing there. You know I never lie to you, don’t you?”

Sicheng only sighed. He should know that Johnny and Taeyong’s friendship was always like that, joking around.

 

\-------------------------

Johnny was looking around as if he checked no one with Sicheng.

“Taeyong hyung had two extra classes this morning,” Sicheng spoke, walking past Johnny to get inside the apartment. He approached the kitchen right away to get himself a glass of water and brought it with him to the living room.

“I didn’t say his name,” Johnny said, closing the door behind him and walked towards the living room.

“Your face said that.” Sicheng sipped his water and placed the glass on the coffee table after that. he cleared his throat before saying “I wanna tell you something, hyung.”

Johnny stopped his hands from folding his sweatshirts and turned to look at Sicheng. Oh, there’s a smile there. A shy smile. A good sign of happy news?

Johnny would be so happy if Sicheng was really going to give him a good news because that’s all he wanted. Sicheng’s happiness is his everything, after all. But the first thing that came out of his mind was …

“Are you going to tell me that you finally had a sex with him last night? After I called you?”

Sicheng widened eyes and his cheeks reddened so hard. He wanted to cover his face, but he’s too shocked to move his hands.

“You did it?” Johnny, as much as he didn’t want t to ask, tried to get a confirmation as soon as possible.

“Of course not!” Sicheng shouted right away, blushing.

Johnny chuckled and silently sighed.

“Where did you get that conclusion?!”

“Come on, Sicheng. The first thing I saw last night was … he’s trying to eat your neck and I don’t know if you were aware or not, but his hand was already under your t-shirt and—“

“Are you really going to say all of that bluntly? Right in front of my face?”

Johnny could tell that Sicheng was already embarrassed and he would rather to look upset than showed how embarrassed he was. The way he pouted his lips, the way he scrunched his brows … Johnny liked it so much.

“You better tell me something interesting then. More interesting than sex.” Johnny placed himself next to Sicheng, sifting a bit so he could face him.

Sicheng growled into his hands before hitting Johnny’s arm.

“Tell me.” Johnny completely got rid of his jokes and turn into serious mode to hear whatever Sicheng wanted to tell him.

Sicheng didn’t say anything for the first two minutes. He just went silent while bit the lower of his lips, eyes blinking several times. Simple sign where Sicheng didn’t know where to start his words. But Johnny let him take his time.

“I told … everything to Taeyong hyung,” Sicheng said and then paused to see Johnny’s reaction.

 “About my hands …” Sicheng continued, taking Johnny’s silence as the sign he could tell the next thing. “He knew it and … he said that’s fine.”

For a moment, Johnny froze on his spot, staring Sicheng with unreadable expression. But then, he asked with the voice that barely came out of his mouth. “You happy?”

 “Never been like this before,” Sicheng quickly answered, almost sounded like a yell. He repeated it with softer voice a second later.

Johnny reached out to touch the corner of Sicheng’s eye, smiling warmly. “You’re crying.”

“I’m not!” Sicheng jerked his head away.

“It’s okay, though. Crying because you’re happy,” Johnny kept teasing him.

To hide his flushed cheeks, Sicheng turned his face to the other side and looked slightly annoyed when he heard Johnny giggling. He’s completely embarrassed now. Even worse than a couple of minutes ago. He felt a big hand ruffled his hair before he saw a pair of strong hands coming from his sides to grab his shoulders. He got pulled backward, back bumping to a chest and he found himself in Johnny’s arms already.

“Awww…look at this baby,” Johnny practically growled as he’s trying to squeeze Sicheng. But he stopped as he pressed a long and soft kiss on the top of Sicheng’s head, face turning into unreadable look again.

“Hyung, I’m really really really happy that I don’t know how to say it anymore,” Sicheng said, leaning into Johnny’s kiss. He let the elder drag him closer so he could tighten his backhug.

“Hmm. You deserve that. You deserve to be happy, by the way.” Johnny rested his chin on the top of Sicheng’s head, eyes staring at the window, seeing the clear sky through it. That look beautiful. As beautiful as Sicheng’s genuine smile at this moment. He could compare the bright blue color of the sky to Sicheng’s sparkly eyes and without any hesitant Sicheng’s bright and sparkly eyes would win over the sky. They’re more beautiful. “And I still can’t believe … out of people out there, it had to be that jerk,” he added jokingly.

“Maybe it’s … a fate? Soulmate?”

“You believe that kind of stuff?”

“Whatever unknown or mysterious reason why I can’t see anything after touching his hands is, I believe there’s something like that behind all of this. I don’t want to think something bad, or worse, or worst,” Sicheng motivated himself.

“You’re doing right.” Johnny, sighing. “You’re doing right.”

For a couple of minutes, they stayed like that, sinking into their own thoughts and not minding about what they’re doing right now. Johnny even completely ignored all the squeals from the female ghosts that saw him backhuging Sicheng from across the room. At this rate, he shouldn’t have let them get inside his apartment. He didn’t want to blame Sicheng who somehow attracted them.

“When will you let go off me, hyung? Do you miss me that much that you have to hug me for this long? I bet you’ve suffered enough for the past two weeks for not—“

“You sound like Taeyong now.” Johnny pushed Sicheng off. “Bring back my old Sicheng.”

Sicheng laughed.

 

 

Taeyong had promised to himself not to take Sicheng with him when he’s going to go out with his dancers for a drink anymore because he knew how ridiculous Sicheng’s drunk behavior was. But tonight …, Jaehyun was a step ahead from him. That dimple guy already dragged Sicheng out of the building as they finished their dance practice. Yuta chirped behind him that they would make Sicheng drunk so Taeyong would have trouble bringing Sicheng back to the studio.

Taeyong could’ve kicked their butts, but he put that thought to the back of his head because he saw how happy Sicheng was. He would let it slide tonight, then. Bringing Sicheng back to the studio was not a big deal, anyway. Sicheng wasn’t that heavy though he’s taller than him, so he could drag him or carry him without losing a lot of energy.

“I heard Sicheng is a good drinker.” Yuta somehow already walked next to Taeyong, causing Taeyong to jolt a bit as he’s dragged back from his thoughts.

“Who said that?” Taeyong made a face as he adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder.

“He himself and—“

“Don’t you dare force him to drink more than his limit,” Taeyong cut off, warning Yuta.

Yuta only snorted and walked back towards Sicheng who was walking at the front with Jaehyun. Taeyong sighed watching the three guys chatting excitedly on something he didn’t know. He noticed Sicheng kept his both hands inside the pockets of his jacket though Jaehyun tried to pull it out so he could link his arm. It was clear enough to explain that Sicheng still felt uncomfortable with that kind of physical contact though they’d done so many things together with his dancers outside the studio so often.

That’s it. Taeyong chose to ditch the others dancers who were walking with him and jog towards Sicheng. With his hand, he pushed Jaehyun from Sicheng and pulled Sicheng’s hand out of the pocket so he could hold it instead.

“That’s so rude, hyung!” Jaehyun complained. Yuta motioned him to walk next to him, telling him not to bother the disgusting lovebirds.

“What’s this for?” Sicheng asked, confused but still letting Taeyong tightened his hold.

“I won’t let anyone steal you from me?” It sounded like Taeyong asked himself, but he’s not sure either.

Sicheng chuckled, brushing his arm against Taeyong’s as he tilted his head to grimace at him.

It took half an hour for them to arrive at Yuta’s favorite drink place. He said it would be nice if they drink in the place like that than in the pub which would be so noisy with the crowd and loud music. They booked a private room on the second floor for all of them and ordered meat and some side dishes to accompany the beer and soju. Sicheng was supposed to sit beside Jaehyun, but Taeyong managed to keep him still next to him. All the people inside the room echoed how obvious Taeyong was.

The foods were placed one by one all over the table and the last things _aka_ cans of beers and bottles of soju caused them to make a noise.

“Taeyong hyung will treat us all of this so eat and drink as much as you want, kids,” Yuta shouted before sipping his cold beer. Taeyong only glared at him but didn’t look like he’s complaining though.

“He only calls me _hyung_ when he needs something or plans something. I hate him,” Taeyong leaned closer to Sicheng and whispered.

Sicheng laughed quietly while shoved a slice of sweat and sour meat into his mouth. His hand pulled out his phone from the pocket of his sweatpants and started to take pictures of the foods and the drinks. He also took some pictures of Taeyong’s dancers who talking loudly while enjoying their drinks.

“Can you put the phone down? Are kids always like this nowadays? Taking tons of pictures of their foods befor—“ Taeyong couldn’t continue his protest as Sicheng suddenly pointed his camera towards him and took some pictures of him. “I look like a shit now, Sicheng. You can’t take a picture of me like that. Delete them now.”

“You look like a sexy _shit_ , hyung,” Sicheng teased.

Taeyong dropped his chopsticks onto the table. “What? Did you just call me _shit_? Come here, you little brat.” Taeyong grabbed Sicheng’s face and pretended to kiss him. Sicheng tried to avoid but ended up letting the elder pecked his lips several times.

“Aaaaah, hyung! Go get room instead!” Jaehyun yelled from across the table, almost throwing his empty can towards Sicheng.

Taeyong and Sicheng only laughed together, ignoring the others who looked annoyed.

 

Two hours had passed. Mostly, they’re already drunk and had hard time to sit properly on the wooden floor but they still could open another cans of beer tough they only poured it on their tops. Four of twelve males inside the room even collapsed on the floor already. Yuta and Jaehyun still looked fine with their third bottle of soju, but the way they talked was not fine. They kept giggling for no reason. Taeyong who had passed out on Sicheng’s lap suddenly sat up and drank his beer.

“Hyung, you’re already drunk …” Sicheng tried to stop Taeyong from drinking but Taeyong held his hand and kissed it instead. He only sighed and let the elder drink another shot of soju.

“Aah …” Yuta spoke after pressing his face against the table for a couple of seconds. “Taeyong, I remember something. You …” he paused, helping Jaehyun to stop his hiccups by slapping his back but looked like it wouldn’t stop anytime soon.

“ _You remember something_? What thing? I don’t even remember what my underwear’s color is today,” Taeyong giggled at himself, dropping his head onto Sicheng’s shoulder and clinging onto his arm like a koala.

“Wait a minute. Let me …” Yuta hold his head. “Two years ago,” he started. “You kept slapping my mouth every time I asked about it when you’re sober, so since we both are drunk, let me ask about it.”

Taeyong snorted, barely having strength to open his eyes properly. “Shut up. I hate that.”

“Hei, kids …” Yuta swayed his hands, trying to gather attention from other dancers who already got knocked out on the floor. Jaehyun was the only who raised his hand, motioning he’s still alive though he’s holding himself from throwing up.

“Are you …tallllllllking about …. Taeyong hyung … almossssst making out with stranger?” Jaehyun dragged the words out of his mouth as the alcohol was taking over him.

Yuta laughed loudly and Taeyong only giggled against Sicheng’s arm. He looked up to see Sicheng shaking his head. Good enough he could catch some proper words to give a short explain to him.

“I was drunk, Sichengie. I didn’t touch him. Never. I swear to God.”

Sicheng only smiled, petting his head before continuing to be silent while drinking his cold beer.

“Sicheng, we played some game and he lost. The penalty was the loser had to drag some stranger who came out of the pub to the nearest alley and kiss them. But he got a boy. He was supposed to kiss him, but when I and Jaehyun approached them, they almost …” Yuta didn’t finish and hiccupped.

Taeyong suddenly reached out to block Sicheng’s ears but it only lasted a few seconds because he couldn’t fight the alcohol back and slumped against Sicheng instead. His head almost hit the edge of the table if Sicheng’s hand didn’t save him.

“Guys, there’s more terrified story. That _almost-making-out-with-stranger_ story was nothing,” Jaehyun unnecessarily shouted inside the room.

“No, that was some—“ Yuta hiccupped again. “—thing. The only terrified story after that embarrassing one was … the fact that ….” He giggled. “ …you’ve been so into Sicheng.”

“You’re right, hyung,” Jaehyun slurred, dragging his own butt towards the wall and leaned his back against it as the pain hit his head. “I like him. But he doesn’t like me ….” And he started to bawling.

It was all messy. So messy inside the room that Sicheng had to stop drinking his beer and sigh seeing the last three guys who were trying to stay _alive_ despite how strong the alcohol effect was. Yuta tapping the table making a noisy sound, Jaehyun still showing his fake tears and Taeyong mumbling something against the sleeve of his jacket.

“Should we go home? Guys?” Sicheng tried to talk to … anyone inside the room. It must be so hard for him since no one was practically sober.

“Let me tell you another scary story …” Taeyong mumbled, literally leaning all his weight on Sicheng’s arm. “Once upon a time …”

“Alright. Let’s go home, hyung. It’s over for tonight, okay?” Sicheng pushed Taeyong back so he could sit but a second later he had to wrap his arm around his back as the elder almost slumped backward.

“Sichengie~~~~ I wanna tell you something~~~”

“You can tell me about it after we arrive at your studio.”

Sicheng gave up helping Taeyong to get up. He didn’t know the elder would be this heavy when he’s drunk. Maybe it’s because Taeyong was full of strong bones, or maybe because of Sicheng himself who’s skinnier and had less strength to carry him.

Taeyong flopped back onto the floor after Sicheng accidentally slipped his arm off his waist. His hand swayed, reaching Sicheng’s pants and tugging it like a kid. Sicheng breathed out heavily and dropped himself onto the floor too. Actually, he could’ve thought of Taeyong only and brought him back to his studio. But after seeing other guys’ condition inside the room, he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t let the owner of this place kick them out of here one by one.

“I hope you all are safe until tomorrow morning.”

That’s the only thing Sicheng said before dragging Taeyong out of the room. He almost had a thought to throw Taeyong down right away as they’re stepping down the stairs, but he loved him too much to do it. So, no. He’s just going to keep holding his waist so tightly until they reached the first floor.

“I’m okay, Sicheng. I’m okay.” Taeyong woke up, face pressing against Sicheng’s shoulder. He scrunched his nose and groaned, feeling so dizzy.

“You’re not, hyung. And I regretted coming here with you because …” Sicheng quietly sighed, looking at the long street in front of him. Taeyong’s studio was literally six blocks away from this place and he didn’t have any plan to call a taxi. It’s hard enough to have one person in unconscious condition. He didn’t want to create another problem. But, walking while holding a drunken guy wasn’t easy either.

“0128.”

Taeyong’s voice brought Sicheng’s mind back. He ducked his head a bit to see Taeyong still closing his eyes and resting his head in his neck comfortably as if there’s nothing happened.

“What, hyung?”

“That’s … my apartment’s passcode. Go walk to the right _… ugh~ my head_ …, side until you see a red building at the end of this block, turn left and you will see the small road that will lead us to my apartment. It’s not that far, by the way,” Taeyong said, long enough to make him pressed his forehead against Sicheng’s neck as he felt dizzy again.

“You’re not totally drunk, I guess,” Sicheng chuckled.

“I’ve told you about it earlier, though. It’s just … my head is really hurt,” Taeyong whined.

“So carrying me to your apartment that night wasn’t free, was it? I’m paying back for it tonight, huh?” Sicheng swung Taeyong’s arm around his shoulder and held his waist firmly. “I’ll walk slowly, but you have to help me, okay?”

Taeyong only laughed a little before giving an unnecessary sloppy kiss on Sicheng’s jaw as a _yes_ sign.

 

 

0128.

Sicheng punched the passcode in and the door got unlocked. He used his elbow to push the door open and after getting inside, he literally dragged the elder by the wrists, letting his butt moping the floor because he’s really exhausted to carry him.

“Come on, hyung. Help me,” Sicheng grunted, trying to get Taeyong up. It’s either Taeyong was literally drunk that he didn’t have any strength to move his body or he’s acting weak on purpose. No one could tell.

Sicheng yelped in surprise a second after he managed to make Taeyong stood up because he lost his own balance and fell backward onto the bed with drunken Taeyong on top of him. He groaned in pain and immediately threw Taeyong off his body. Taeyong giggled beside Sicheng, rolling onto his stomach to bury his entire face into the bedsheet.

“You really made me do everything tonight, hyung. I hate you,” Sicheng said, letting out a heavy sigh before pushing himself up.

“I love you,” Taeyong hummed instead, closing his eyes for a moment to lessen the pain in his head. His hand grabbed the back of Sicheng’s jacket and pulled the younger down. “Wait, I wanna tell you something.”

Sicheng chuckled. “Is this about what you’re trying to tell me earlier?”

Taeyong nodded, rolling onto his back and slowly opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. “It’s about my past …” His voice sounded a bit sad and Sicheng noticed it.

“Should … should I … trust anything you’re gonna say? I mean, well … you’re drunk at this moment and—“

Taeyong stretched his hand out to give a light slap on Sicheng’s mouth. It wasn’t hard but still caused Sicheng to get shocked a bit. Sicheng forced himself not to let out his laugh as Taeyong looked slightly annoyed.

“Guess who let himself hear everything you said when you’re drunk at that night? I still remember every single word you said, though,” Taeyong said, caressing Sicheng’s lower lip as a silent apology.

“I’m gonna let myself to hear whatever you wanna say tonight, by the way.” Sicheng smiled. “Tell me.”

Taeyong sighed, bringing his hand back on his stomach. “But It’s too terrifying that I wanna forget it forever.”

“Then, don’t,” Sicheng said quickly, causing Taeyong turned his head to look at him in confusion. “Past is past. If you’re uncomfortable, don’t tell me. I don’t wanna see you sad, hyung. We all have … dark past. I do. You do. Other people do. But we also have a right to keep it or forget it. For the sake of ourselves.”

Those words came out of Sicheng’s mouth as if he’s an expert of forgetting his own dark past when in fact, he had been haunted by his past and still had hard time to pull it out of his mind.

“I’d love to, but now I have this little courage to tell you, though. Well …, 5% was from my own courage, and 95% was from the alcohol. If I were fully sober, I wouldn’t have any of it.” Taeyong rolled onto his side, reaching out to caress Sicheng’s cheek. “You let me know about what happened to your hands. You gave all your trust to me to hold your hands when you’re afraid of something. I feel so honored, Sicheng. If you could share your pain, why wouldn’t I?”

Sicheng didn’t say anything, eyes staring at Taeyong’s deeply. He could’ve let the tears fall again, but he knew he wouldn’t let himself to do it. The only reason why he had courage to tell his secret to Taeyong was because he forced himself to be selfish, ignoring all the risks that he might deal with in the future if something wrong happened between them.

“What’s that? Share your pain, hyung,” Sicheng spoke softly.

For a moment, Taeyong only looked at Sicheng, gathering all his strength in silence to let out the first word, to start revealing his pain that he had been hiding behind his clumsy and bright side.

“It’s … my huge … huge … huge mistake that I’ve done in my entire life that I can’t even forget it though I’ve been trying to,” Taeyong began. “ December … six years ago, the 17 years old Lee Taeyong was … still clumsy, naïve, loud. He liked making a mess everywhere with his friends.”

“You’re already a brat, back then,” Sicheng guessed. Taeyong laughed softly.

“You know that I always have a bad luck when it comes to playing game, don’t you?” Sicheng nodded in silence, still paying all his attention to Taeyong. “We were walking home after buying some ice cream cones. One of my friends suddenly pulled out his fist, shouting _rock-paper-scissor_ , my other friends were so quick to respond and I was the last person and the only one who showed a _rock_. I lost the game. Already. And the penalty was … pretty easy and I managed to do it.”

“What’s the penalty?” Sicheng shifted closer, Taeyong’s hand dropping on the back of his ear.

“I had to run across the street at the very last second of the red light. The street was empty on that day. I stood near the traffic light waiting for it to change into red and counting down until the last two seconds before it turned into orange. I ran. The penalty was done perfectly. My friends cheered on me like always. I was about to curse at them but then … I realized I dropped my phone in the middle of the street.”

Sicheng could see Taeyong starting to be emotional. He gripped his wrist, caressing it with his thumb softly. Inside his head, he began to create what’s next thing Taeyong would say. _Taeyong would walk back to the road to take his phone? He crouched down and took the phone but wasn’t aware that there’s some car moving so fast towards him? He noticed the car but too late to run? And … the car hit him so hard that he flew and fell on the ground? Blood everywhere? He was unconscious?_

Sicheng took a deep breath and let it out, shaking off his imagination. That was too bad, too scary for him to continue imagining.

“I took it and stood up to walk back to the side of the street. But …” Taeyong hesitated, voice slightly sounding shaky. “There’s a car turning left, towards me. I was shocked, couldn’t move my legs either. It happened so fast. Too fast that the next thing, I only saw the car started flipping several times in front of me after it turned the right side to avoid me.”

There’s something in Taeyong’s eyes and Sicheng could tell it’s his tears. Taeyong was strong enough not to let it fall.. Not until he said he saw a man in the driver seat didn’t move and the blood all over his body and face. Not until he said he saw a small hand coming out behind the driver seat to reach anything or anyone outside the car to help them. Not until he said he touched their fingertips that were also covered by blood. Not until he said he ran away after that in full or fear, not turning his head back to look at some people started to run towards the car.

“I killed them.” Taeyong quietly let the tears falling.

Sicheng shifted closer and hug the elder.

Taeyong was supposed to break down in Sicheng’s arms, like he should. He was supposed to cry loudly releasing all the pain he had been enduring for years. But no, he only sighed against Sicheng’s neck though the tears kept falling down. .

“I heard that … they’re dead. The parents and their son,” Taeyong spoke again after he went silent for a couple of minutes, pulling himself from Sicheng’s hug but still letting the younger wrapped his hand around his waist. “They said it was just an accident. Like a normal car accident where the driver was the one who made a mistake. They said I was innocent. And only warned me and my friends for not doing anything stupid in the future.  Maybe because I was still underage, that’s why they let me go. I could’ve forgotten that thing since I was innocent. But …”

Another sigh. And another tears.

But Taeyong’s face remained the same, blank.

And Sicheng started to get more worried. Taeyong’s expression was way too from what he’s expecting. He still could see the tears but he couldn’t find any expression. It’s like Taeyong took the deepest bottom of his heart to bury his pain, to hide his pain that he himself couldn’t even pull it out.

“For six years …” Taeyong looked at Sicheng. “That nightmare has been haunting me every single night.”

“Is that why you barely had a proper sleep? Yuta hyung told me about it.”

Taeyong nodded, pinching Sicheng’s cheek softly. “But since you came into my life, now I can sleep properly. Don’t ask me why because I don’t know the answer.”

“What about your nightmare?”

Taeyong smiled warmly. “Will you believe me if I say I don’t have it now?”

Sicheng wanted to believe him. He did want to. But the way Taeyong hid his pain too perfectly … it just … broke his heart. His blank face told everything. Telling him how much the pain Taeyong had to endure all this time that he couldn’t express it anymore.

Sicheng could feel it.

Different guilt yet the same pain.

“I guess I’m your savior, then,” Sicheng said, his voice sounded almost like a whisper.

Taeyong giggled, twisting back onto his back. “ _Your savior_ ,” he murmured to himself.

“You’re the only one who can touch my hand without giving me any pain attack and I’m the only one who can make you sleep properly. We’re the savior for each other, then.”

“Let’s just say like that. Okay.” Taeyong wiggled to reach a pillow above his head. he sighed loudly, wiping his tears away before saying his head was hurt again so he needed to sleep. “You picked the weird words, anyway,” he hummed under his breath as he pulled the cover up to the top of his head.

The bedroom went quiet after that. Slowly, they both are drifting off with two different reasons, Sicheng with the exhaustion that hit him so hard after carrying, dragging and helping Taeyong to walk. meanwhile Taeyong with the effect of alcohol that started controlling him more.

 

Taeyong groaned after falling off the bed and hitting the back of his head against the floor. His hand reached the edge of his bed to support him before pushing himself up. For a moment he let himself freeze, collecting all his soul back so he could open his eyes and recall what happened when he’s drunk last night.

“Fuck,” he murmured quietly, remembering everything he said to Sicheng last night in the bed. At this rate, he wished he couldn’t remember anything he did or he said when he’s drunk. He hated having that habit. Now he didn’t know how to act in front of Sicheng after that boy knew his past. He’s afraid if Sicheng would see him differently.

Speaking of Sicheng …

“Sicheng? Where’s he?” Taeyong asked himself, looking around his bedroom and getting up with so much efforts. He walked wobbly towards the door and opened it. He heard some clanking sound from the kitchen as he closed the door and a second after he turned around, he saw Sicheng in the same clothes like last night looking so busy placing something onto the dining table. If he had to observe Sicheng’s expression this morning, it looked like nothing happened. He’s so cheerful and all smiley like how he was in the previous mornings. There’s sweat on his forehead and his hair looked a bit messy, but still … he still looked handsome and—

“Hyung!” Sicheng chirped from across the dining table, waving the spatula in his hand towards Taeyong.

Taeyong smiled while approached the younger. “What are you doing, hm? It’s literally …” he looked up to see the clock. “ …7 in the morning? Should I go back to the bed? It’s too early for me to wake up.”

“At least eat this first before you go back to sleep.” Sicheng showed a bowl of hot chicken soup and some plates of other side dishes. He also knocked the tip of the spatula on the mug of warm black tea.

Furrowing his brows, Taeyong stared down at the table. All the dishes looked so …surprisingly good.

“You … made them all?” Taeyong pointed at the bowl and the plates.

For a second, Sicheng didn’t show any reaction until he grinned widely. “I asked Johnny hyung to make them all for me. I only asked him to make this soup, but he willingly made other dishes so you can have a proper meal after … getting drunk. And this black tea, I bought it by myself.”

“You walked?” Taeyong asked.

“Half walked half jogged. The air is so fresh this morning, by the way.” Sicheng looked proud of himself.

Taeyong thought he would burst out into tears as he felt touched. Sicheng walked all the way to Johnny’s place only to ask him to cook proper meal for him.

The sweats on Sicheng forehead explained everything.

“We both know Johnny hyung is the best cook—“ Sicheng couldn’t finish his words as Taeyong stepped closer and grabbed the back of his neck, capturing his lips with his perfectly as a sign of his thankful feeling. In a sweet way, of course.

“What was … that for?” Sicheng asked a second Taeyong pulled back. He blushed, though. And confused, too.

“For everything …” Taeyong hung his words, eyes still staring at the younger’s plump lips. He really wanted to kiss them again. Again and again until he felt content. But the hangover …. It distracted him that he had to slump onto the chair behind him. “I just need to eat all of these, right?”

“Oh … yes.” Sicheng immediately handed out the spoon to Taeyong.

That was awkward. All of sudden. Thanks to Taeyong’s snort. It helped so much.

“Are you sure … Youngho didn’t put anything weird in this soup? I mean …, he could’ve poisoned me at this rate. Maybe he has some ghost friends that when they’re still alive, they used to work at some mysterious laboratory that made deadly poison …” Taeyong pressed his own lips together after noticing Sicheng’s deadpan expression. “I’ll eat it. Stop staring at me like that, okay?”

Sicheng’s face softened. He let the elder enjoy the meal without disturbing him. He even helped him by refilling his empty glass and handing him the tea after he finished eating. It was supposed to be sweet moment, but Taeyong just had to ruin it by judging Sicheng.

“It’s not like I’m gonna die after this, so stop treating me like a kid.” Taeyong sipped the tea carefully.

“I love you, hyung. But after what you said last night, I think I love you more than yesterday.”

Sicheng’s sudden confession forced Taeyong to choke on his tea, even spitting some on his own T-shirt. He coughed while looked at Sicheng terrifyingly.

“Wow. You know what? I’ve been waiting for this moment to happen. But somehow—“ Taeyong couched again. “ … after hearing it just now, I feel scared.” Taeyong said, still not believing Sicheng could confess like that when he knew the younger never truly showed his affection bluntly before. It’s not … Sicheng’s style.

“Did one of Youngho’s ghost friends posses you? Ah, I better call Youngho now.” Taeyong dropped his spoon into the bowl and was about to stand up, but Sicheng stopped him.

“Hyung—“

“Although I’m scared of the ghosts, I won’t let them posses my boyfriend like this. And in this case, I’d blame Youngho because he’s the one who keeps making those ghosts coming to me. Well, I know I’m, so handsome and everything, but—“

“Thank you, hyung.”

Once again, Sicheng’s words paused Taeyong from blabbering. The way Sicheng said it was so serious and sincere, causing Taeyong to stop joking around.

“If you’re thanking me just because I’m the only one who can touch your hands, I won’t feel touched anymore.”

Sicheng knew Taeyong didn’t mean to say it. He always thanked him too much for the same reason almost every single day and maybe Taeyong was already done with him, tired with him . But this morning, at this moment, he still wanted to say it again. He didn’t even care if Taeyong got annoyed by his words. He just wanted to thanked him. Forever.

“Let’s give strength for each other.” Another odd words from Sicheng.

Taeyong sighed, bringing his hands up to rub his face in a slight of tiredness and placing his elbows on the table. He looked at the younger with furrowed brows. “I shouldn’t have told you anything.”

“But you have,” Sicheng replied quickly.

“You’re right,” Taeyong gave up already. He knew he would always mess up when he’s drunk, saying something that he wasn’t supposed to say, doing something that he wasn’t supposed to do. But he didn’t have to be worried since Sicheng was the one who heard all of it. He’s glad it’s Sicheng out of the people.

But the problem was he couldn’t totally feel the emotional feeling between them. _First_ , because of the hangover. _Two,_ because Sicheng kept behaving so weird this morning. The way the younger frowned, the way he stared at him with that sad look, the way he treated him like a poor person … he couldn’t stand it.

Taeyong wouldn’t deny that his past was too painful for him to remember that he couldn’t even dare himself think of it any slight of second. Thanks to the amount of soju he had drunk last night so he could spill everything out a bit easily to Sicheng, though he still had to hold back his tears.

“It must be so hard for you, Hyung,” Sicheng said in soft voice.

Taeyong turned to look at Sicheng. He felt his heart get squeezed in a good way seeing Sicheng’s empathy. He then smiled fondly and petted the younger’s head.

“It must be so hard for you too,” he replied, tucking the hair behind Sicheng’s ear. “Let’s lean on each other, okay? I’ve already told you everything. I’m this brave to reveal my past to someone else … no, you’re not _someone else_ anymore. You’re—“

Sicheng nodded, smiled. “I know, hyung. I know.”

Taeyong sighed, stroking Sicheng’s hair for the last time before he drew his hand back.

“You think they would forgive me?” he asked again.

It took almost twenty seconds for Sicheng to get what Taeyong meant. He didn’t answer at first, fishing out any proper word he could use, but then he only gave a _yes_ as an answer because he’s afraid he would say something wrong if he said too much.

Taeyong could see the uncertainty on Sicheng’s face. And it’s pretty clear that the younger didn’t know how to answer him because yes …, he had expected it before. Sicheng wanted to comfort him by saying anything that could ease his pain, but he’s really that careful that Taeyong realized they both still couldn’t get the right answer for his question. Even he himself had hard time to find it after all these years.

“Hyung—“

“No. don’t,” Taeyong stopped Sicheng first as he saw the younger was about to cry. “If you wanna hug me, prevent yourself.”

Sicheng raised his brows in confusion.

“I know we’re in this heart-breaking moment, or whatever you call this, but …” Taeyong sighed. “I smell like a shit right now. I mean, look at my clothes. I can smell alcohol all over my body. Though hugging me is your favorite thing, I don’t want you to do it because it’d be so gross at this moment. Hug me after I clean myself up.”

If Sicheng could, he would’ve clapped proudly. Taeyong was that good at destroying every climax moment that they had with his nonsense words. But, this morning, he would agree with him because what Taeyong said was true. The elder really smelled like a shit. He even could smell it from the kitchen when he came out of his room. So, yeah. Holding himself back from hugging Taeyong was the best choice. At least, he would let him clean up first so he could hug him as tight as he wanted to comfort him. Later.

“I will get the clean clothes for you, hyung.” Sicheng stood up, but he got slumped back into the chair after Taeyong pulled him down by the wrist.

“I’ll get it by myself. You stay here.” Taeyong tapped Sicheng’s shoulder before pushing himself up from the chair and literally dragged his feet towards his room. “You just need to stop treating me like I’m going to die in a few hours just because I drank too much alcohol. I’m adult, okay?” he spoke again before pushing the door open but a second later he grunted as he saw Sicheng only rolling his eyes as a response.

“I hate you, Sicheng.”

“No, you don’t,” Sicheng giggled watching the elder showed his annoyed face while entered his room.

As soon as he got into his room, Taeyong only snorted quietly to himself. “Now he knows his power over me, huh? He knows I love him so much, that’s why he’s that confident saying those things bluntly now. Does he ever remember how shy he was when we first met like he didn’t even have any courage to look at my eyes when we’re talking? But I like his new personality, though. I like him being that confident. Keep it up, honey. Keep it up. Keep showing me your beautiful smile …”

He paused after he opened the closet door, arm leaning against the doorframe while his eyes staring at the inside of his closet blankly.

“ …at least his smile can heal my wound … somehow. It’s strange but it works,” he continued murmuring to himself. His gaze dropped on a brown envelope underneath the pile of his black tank tops. He stared at it for a couple of seconds before tearing his eyes away. He pulled out a plain white T-shirt and black shorts, humming some unknown melody as he made a quick move to take out a black boxer.

“God …” he clicked his tongue, stopping his hand from closing the closet door. He couldn’t help himself but let his eyes saw that envelope again. He frowned, that’s the obvious sign that he’s uncomfortable by looking at that thing for long time. He wanted to stop himself from staring at it. He wanted to close the closet door and walk out of his room to join Sicheng at dining table, acting like he didn’t see anything.

But he couldn’t.

He found himself moving his own free hand, pulling out the brown envelope. He sighed as the envelope was in his hand. It had been six years since he held that envelope, since he touched it, since he looked at it with so many thoughts inside his head, since he cried over it with so much guilty lingered his heart that he couldn’t even cry anymore.

It had been there without getting touched by anyone.

And now, he thought everything would be a bit easier and lighter when he held it. But he’s wrong. The same pain was still there. The same guilty was still there.

“It’s been a while …, _Sir_ ,” he said, taking out something from the envelope slowly.

There’s a photo of a man in formal suit smiling so brightly beside his wife who looked so beautiful in white dress. His wife had a beautiful smile. Really beautiful that it reminded him of someone.

“I’m sorry.” His voice barely came out of his mouth. It was stuck on the tip of his tongue. He’s scared to speak it out a bit loudly.

When the emotion was building up and he’s so near to drop his tears, Sicheng’s voice brought his mind back into his bedroom. His eyes met Sicheng’s over the top of the photo that he’s holding in front of his face.

That boy was smiling beautiful.

As beautiful as the woman had in that photo.

“Are you okay?” Sicheng’s smile disappeared. He looked worried seeing the elder.

Taeyong sniffed to hold back his tears and nodded, putting down the photo from his face. Sicheng noticed it/

“What’s that?”

“Something that makes me know where I have to stand all this time. Something that tells me to be more careful every second in my life. Something that teaches me how to become a better person,” Taeyong answered smiling.

“Must be so important and precious. Let me seet it. Give me.” Sicheng acted cutely.

“Is it a right time to throw aegyo?”

“I wanna see it.” Sicheng pouted.

Taeyong snorted and handed the photo to Sicheng.

Sicheng giggled and flipped the photo to see who’s inside the photo. As soon as he saw the couple in that photo, his smile gradually disappeared. He raised his brows. “Hyung, why—“

“They’re _them_ ,” Taeyong cut him off, closing the closet door and leaning his back against it. “The people who died because of me.” Paused. “In that accident.”

Sicheng pressed his own lips together, eyes looking at the photo straightly.

“They only gave me that photo when I was trying to get any information about that family. I feel bad because until now … I still can’t get their child’s photo. I have … I have tried to look for their relatives for years. Anyone. But I couldn’t. So … yeah, only that photo that I could get,” Taeyong explained. He’s too busy recalling every moments he had back then when he’s wandering around the town to find anything related that family to see the change on Sicheng’s expression.

“You know what? All information that I got was only his surname. What is it again? Wait a minute. Dong? Mr. Dong. Yeah, it’s Mr. Dong.”

Sicheng quickly pressed a hand against his chest as he felt his breath was so heavy all of sudden as if something was blocking the air inside his lungs. His hand that holding the photo was trembling. His vision was blurry, the tears suddenly filling up.

“Akh…”

The same pain attacked Sicheng right through his chest, hitting his heart that he almost could feel he’d pass out. He crouched down, throwing the photo to the floor before grabbing Taeyong’s hand to steady himself.

Taeyong immediately gripped Sicheng’s wrist and helped him to sit on the bedside.

“Hang on, Sicheng. Hang on.” Taeyong sprinted out of his room to get a glass of water for Sicheng and ran back into his room in a few of seconds. “Drink this.”

Sicheng tried to drink the water but his throat rejected it and he ended up choking on it and spitting it out abruptly. He couldn’t even apologize to Taeyong as he had hard time to breathe.

“What’s going with you? Tell me. Tell me where you got hurt? Sicheng, hey!” Taeyong tried to talk to Sicheng as the younger couldn’t focus on anything and kept breathing heavily. He grasped his hand tightly.

It’s his heart. Sicheng’s heart was hurt. It’s so hurt that he felt his soul jut got pulled out of his body so harshly. His mind was full of his memories from the car accident that took his parents away from him. It hit him so badly now. Even worse than before.

He felt Taeyong’s nails dig into his skin too deep that he remembered he’s with him in his bedroom. He snapped his head towards Taeyong to look at him, but … after meeting his eyes, he felt an unknown rage building up inside his chest all of sudden. The warm skin that he used to like against his own now felt like a fire. It burnt him.

“Hyung… you—you shouldn’t have went back to get your phone,” Sicheng spoke, still gasping for the air. His face looked so painful as he’s holding the heat inside his chest that could explode anytime.

Taeyong furrowed his brows in confusion. Why all of sudden…

“You … you shouldn’t have lost the game …,” Sicheng continued, tears falling down. “YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE PLAYED ANY FUCKING GAME!” he yelled, full of anger.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Everything was blurry. But it’s not because of the effect of the same attack that he always got after he touched someone’s hand. It’s because the tears that kept streaming down his face. He felt tired. Physically and mentally. He just wanted to close his eyes. Even if it needed a long time, he would do it.

His heart felt so numb.

And he just realized what people said about him was always right. He’s so fragile. His heart was fragile as well. Too fragile that it would break into million pieces if you touched it with your fingertip.

It broke today. It scattered all over the ground, some of it got flew away by the wind. Even if he tried to gather it back, he needed thousand years to do it.

He wished he didn’t know anything.

He wished he didn’t hear anything.

If only he didn’t understand any single word that came out of Taeyong’s mouth, he would’ve just pretended to get it and kept the smile on his face for the rest of the day. Maybe until the night came again, wrapping his innocent mind while the elder hugging him tightly in the bed like they used to do until they both dozed off.

He would’ve felt secured like he had felt for the past two weeks.

The happiest moment in his life that he would treasure it in his entire life, feeling that being selfish was the best choice that he had ever taken.

But …

He didn’t get all of it.

He didn’t make it.

All the beautiful moments he had imagined all this time, … they’re all vanished.

Disappeared. Leaving him alone in suffer, blaming himself for being so blind to the reality that turned out to be more hurtful than he thought.

“What have I done to myself?” Sicheng asked himself breathlessly, eyes wandering around the street. People were passing by, glancing at him with weird look as if they’re judging him silently.

He didn’t move until some bigger guy accidentally bumped to him, causing him stumbled aside, his fingertip touching a teenager’s hand in the process. He gasped loudly and stepped backwards all of sudden, face looking so frightened.

That was the moment he realized he wasn’t wearing his gloves and his bare hand just touched something he had been scared of the most in his life.

That was the moment he realized who he really was.

That was the moment he realized the thing that caused him become like this.

The familiar pain crept in, lingering his chest that he felt his lungs got tightened. He couldn’t breathe. There’s that whisper voice inside his head, mumbling about something he couldn’t hear. A flash of blurry vision came through his mind, showing the teenager he just touched his hand running so fast while crying and tripping over something on the ground that he fell down so hard.

“H-hey …” Sicheng called that teenager. “You’ll hurt yourself in ten minutes from now. So you better be careful.”

As Sicheng expected, that teenager only looked at him strangely as if he’s talking nonsense. He smiled dryly as that teenager walked away after calling him freak. He knew he would get something like this, but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling hurt.

Sicheng swung his left hand, finding an old lady just passed by him. He let his hand touch the back of her hand and another pain came. He flinched a bit, ducking his head to hide his painful expression as he knew he’s going to get another vision. He felt his legs get weaker.

“Are you okay, young man?” That old lady asked Sicheng nicely, putting her hand on his shoulder.

Gasping for the air, Sicheng tried to answer her, “Somebody is gonna steal your bag, Ma’am and stab your stomach. You have to be more careful when you’re going home.”

That old lady freaked out, pulling her hand off Sicheng’s shoulder right away. Sicheng laughed quietly seeing her running.

“Yeah, it’s supposed to be like it should be. Run and run and run and run,” he murmured to himself and continued walking through the street despite the pain all over his tired limbs. He was literally dragging his own feet, to be honest, and giggling by himself. His head felt dizzy, everything was spinning that he wanted to throw up.

“I’m a monster.” Sicheng grabbed someone’s hand near him and held it tightly for two seconds before pulling back. The same pain wave, the same uncomfortable feeling, all hitting him at the same time..

“Stay away from buses,” Sicheng only said that before brushing the back of his hand on some little boy’s fingers. The air just knocked out of his lungs that he had to crouch down a bit. His bleary eyes stared down at the little boy. “You … you are … too young to die. You—“

Sicheng got shoved off to the ground all of sudden by a middle-aged woman. She looked so angry after hearing what Sicheng said. She immediately grabbed her son ‘s wrist and dragged him away from Sicheng.

“He’s gonna die. He’s gonna die, Ma’am. He’s gonna—akh!” Sicheng felt something invisible just hit his head. He brought his both hands up to hold his head. His nose was bleeding but he didn’t notice it. The pain was just too much for him to notice anything.

This might be the stupidest thing he had done in his life. Touching three people’s hands within fifteen minutes, getting pain attack and the visions three times too though he knew his current condition. He couldn’t even stand properly in the first attack, but he refused to feel it. The second attack sent him in a worse state. And the third attack … he completely gave up. The more he fought against it, the more he felt painful to the point he wanted to end his life to get rid of the pain.

But, no.

He kept trying to get up, putting aside all the pain and ignoring people near him.

“Don’t help me. Don’t—“ Sicheng gripped his own wrist, grimacing at the another pain attack inside his chest. “You all will … you will … get hurt if you help me …”

He kept walking, walking and walking, bumping himself to other people’s shoulders and arms that made himself get pushed to the left and right, causing his hands accidentally kept touching those people’s. All the visions were coming through his mind, one by one, not letting him to breathe for a second that he felt his head would explode. The more he tried to close his eyes, the more those visions came back and forth attacking him.

_‘I killed them’_

_‘I heard that … they’re dead. The parents and their son.’_

_‘They said I was innocent.’_

_‘You think they would forgive me?’_

_‘I love you, Sicheng. I do love you.’_

Sicheng knelt down on the ground, hand pressing against his chest as he heard Taeyong’s voice inside his head. His chest felt more hurt and heavier now that he had to bite his lower lip hardly, preventing himself from moaning in pain.

He’s tired.

He really was.

 

\--------------------------------

  
Sicheng jolted upwards abruptly that his forehead hit a strong shoulder. He nearly got pushed back down onto the bed if a pair of strong hands didn’t grab his arms immediately. He was surprised by the sudden physical contact and flinched away. He didn’t have any strength to pull those hands off his arms. But still, he couldn’t help from being scared, thinking if he let those hands keep touching his skin, he would be in danger.

“Sicheng? Hey, Sicheng! Sicheng!” Johnny had to shake Sicheng’s shoulders a bit strongly as the younger looked so frightened. He even held his arms more tightly when Sicheng started to move brutally despite the lack of the strength.

“Sicheng! Look at me. Hey, hey, hey. It’s me. It’s me, Johnny. Hey, Sicheng. It’s me, Johnny. it’s okay, Sicheng. It’s okay. Sicheng!”

Sicheng froze and looked directly up at Johnny after hearing him yelling. His eyes widened open staring at the elder. It took almost a whole minute for him to realize someone who was sitting on the bedside holding his both arms tightly was Johnny. His trembling hands moved up to clutch the front side of Johnny’s checkered shirt and the next second he burst into tears, pulling Johnny down so he could wrap his trembling hands around his neck and start crying loudly into the crook of his neck.

Johnny didn’t say anything. He only let Sicheng hug him tightly and cry out loud right into his ear. His hand moved up, rubbing in circle on the younger’s back and his other hand stroking his hair softly. Sicheng’s whole body was trembling. As soon as he pressed his chest against Sicheng’s to hug him tighter, he got shocked as he could feel the rapid pace of Sicheng’s heartbeat and it broke his heart even more.

“It’s okay, Sicheng. It’s okay. It’s okay,” Johnny whispered into Sicheng’s ear softly to soothe him, hopefully, and kept hugging him tightly because he knew this was what Sicheng needed the most. Somebody who could stand by him in this kind of situation. Somebody who could hug him and reassure him that everything would be okay though it sounded impossible for now. And that somebody was him.

But Johnny couldn’t feel happy for it.

A female ghost that suddenly popped up right in front of him when he was doing chores this morning and told him what happened to Sicheng …, he didn’t know if he had to thank her or blame her instead. If she didn’t tell him, he wouldn’t have known what’s going on. And perhaps … he wouldn’t have known that Sicheng was literally dying outside.

He couldn’t pretend nothing happened to Sicheng. He couldn’t tell himself to stay calm when he himself saw with his own eyes how he found Sicheng fainting on the street, his nose was bleeding, his face looked so pale … and he was completely hopeless. All people around Sicheng were only standing there without doing anything that Johnny had to curse at them loudly in a full anger before carrying the younger in his arms, hiding his face into his chest so people couldn’t see him, holding him tightly and really protectively until they arrived in his apartment. Two ghosts that stayed in the living room even squealed in shock after seeing Sicheng’s condition, but Johnny didn’t pay attention to them and brought Sicheng into his bedroom instead, tucking him in the bed really carefully before wiping the blood on his face. He tried his best not to let out any tears as he pulled the sheet on the younger, wrapping him into the warmth he needed.

That was the moment he felt so scared. Scared if he took a wrong decision for not taking Sicheng to the hospital. Carrying the unconscious Sicheng was even more frightened. He thought he would lose him before he could bring him into his apartment as there’s no any movement from the younger.

Sicheng’s loud sobs brought Johnny’s mind back into his bedroom. He sighed, brushing all the bad thoughts off his head and pressed a long kiss on the side of Sicheng’s head before tightening his hug. Quietly he felt relieved knowing Sicheng was still alive though Sicheng’s state was worse than when he’s still unconscious.

“I hate myself, hyung.” Sicheng’s voice sounded so hoarse and shaky, muffled against Johnny’s neck. His words made Johnny pull him back and show how he furrowed his brows to him.

“What are you talking about?” Johnny asked, surprised. His hands was still on the both sides of Sicheng’s face.

Sicheng didn’t answer, only looking at Johnny desperately with his teary eyes. There’s no word coming out of his mouth, only hiccups and sobs.

“H-hyung …, what … what … have I done? H-hyung …” Sicheng couldn’t finish his words as he started crying again, his both hands holding onto Johnny’s arms. Every single word that he wanted to say just got stuck on the tip of his tongue. All the desperation dragged all of them back into his throat.

Johnny only shook his head, wiping the tears away from Sicheng’s cheeks. His heart ached seeing the tears kept dripping down continually. If he had to be honest, it’s his first time seeing Sicheng like this. He had seen Sicheng breaking down multiple times for the past six years, but he had not seen him in this bad state before. This was more painful, more heart-breaking.

“You did nothing wrong, Sicheng. You—“

“I let myself fell in love with someone who caused my parents’ death!” Sicheng cut off, biting his own lips as the words felt so much bitter on his tongue. He was even surprised by himself after saying those words. This guilty feeling was hurting him so bad.

“Both of you didn’t know anything about this and—“

“He’s the one who made me like this. He’s the one who turned me into this monster.” Sicheng showed his both trembling hands to Johnny. “He … he’s the one who started this fucking curse, hyung. He’s the one who … who …” Sicheng’s words muffled against Johnny’s chest and he cried again as Johnny pulled him into his hug. He didn’t even care if the way he cried made him look like an ugly person, he just couldn’t hold the pain in his chest anymore.

All the words he said about Taeyong just now …, he didn’t mean to say it. He really didn’t. He hated himself for saying it. He wanted to slap his own mouth for saying it. But the truth that he had heard today was just beyond everything he could thought. The truth was too painful for him to handle all by himself.

Sicheng knew something bad would come after him, would haunt him for the rest of his life if he let himself be selfish like this. He knew there would be a consequence if he let himself open for someone. But he didn’t know it would be this bad. Out of all the bad thoughts he had imagined after letting himself fall for Taeyong, it had to be this one, the worst consequence he had take as a self-punishment. He deserved all this shit after ignoring his fear all this time.

“I don’t know what I have to do now, hyung. I don’t know …” Sicheng’s crying sound sounded more horrible that Johnny had to clench his own fist on Sicheng’s back for not making himself crying too.

“What should I do if I meet him? What should I say if I see him? What should I do?”

Johnny couldn’t say anything but nodding to himself while kept stroking Sicheng’s hair. There was no any right answer that he could give to the younger and he hated knowing it. Probably hugging him like this was the best answer for now.

 

 

An hour had passed and Sicheng finally stopped crying. At least … for a while, since now he’s sleeping again. He curled up into a ball, wrapping his own hands with the sheet so he could hold Johnny’s hand. There were still sniffles and whimpers though he’s sleeping soundly. Johnny who was sitting on the floor, pressing himself against the bedside so he could stay close to Sicheng only sighed quietly. He reached out brushing off some strands of Sicheng’s hair that fell on his closed eyes gently, not wanting to wake him up.

Those puffy eyes, those swollen cheeks and that insecure expression on Sicheng face made Johnny tearing up. One tear fell down on his face after holding it for hour, but he wiped it away so quickly.

“I’ll come back soon, okay? Really soon,” Johnny whispered, leaning in to place a soft kiss on the crown of Sicheng’s head and pulling his hand off Sicheng’s hold carefully.

Without making any sound, Johnny walked out of the bedroom. He would cook some foods for Sicheng since the younger had not eaten anything. Maybe simple kimchi or chicken soup and egg roll. Sicheng needed to eat something, though he knew he would refuse to eat anything. Mostly, when people were in this kind of state, they would choose to make themselves hungry until they got sick. And Johnny wouldn’t let that happen to Sicheng.

He stopped in his track a bit abruptly as he saw somebody sitting on the couch.

It’s Taeyong.

Johnny knew that was him, but he didn’t greet him and only approached him in silent instead. Taeyong looked so quiet leaning into the couch, his both hands on his lap, his shoulders slumped down and he was staring at the empty air near the coffee table blankly. There’s an unreadable expression on his face but Johnny could read it eventually though he only saw his side profile.

Taeyong turned to look at his right side as he felt someone was there with him. His desperate and blank eyes looked more horrible as he saw Johnny. But still, Johnny didn’t say anything. The taller guy only walked quietly towards the front door. He looked over his shoulders as if he’s giving a sign to Taeyong to follow him out.

Johnny stood leaning his back against the wall, eyes staring at Taeyong who just came out of his apartment and closed the door behind him briefly. His head ducked down, facing the floor as if he didn’t have any courage to only to raise his head up and Johnny didn’t like seeing him like that.

Ten minutes had passed, they were still silent. It was Johnny who noticed Taeyong’s shaky breath, but he kept his mouth shut. There were million things he wanted to tell Taeyong, million questions he wanted to ask him. However, they were stuck in his throat. Seeing Taeyong’s state which was as awful as Sicheng’s already made him speechless. He was mad at him. He really was. He wanted to grab the collar of his jacket and punch him right in the face before asking him what he did to Sicheng, what happened between him and Sicheng in the past that it could affect Sicheng that bad. But still, it’s all only his thoughts. It never came out of his mouth.

“H-how’s he?” Taeyong broke the silence with his voice which barely could be heard. He raised his head up, finally, to look at Johnny. But it only lasted for two seconds before he turning his face away after realizing Johnny was still staring at him.

“Bad.”

Only one word and it already made Taeyong tense up.

“H-has he eaten something? He has not had anything since this morning and—“

“Why don’t you check him by yourself?” Johnny interrupted.

“I … I … can’t. I don’t think I can.” Taeyong’s eyes were shaking, unfocused. He pulled himself away from the closed door behind him, looking panic, and it made Johnny furrow his brows.

“Lee Taeyong?” Johnny tried to stop Taeyong as the red haired guy was about to leave. When he’s approaching him, Taeyong stopped him.

“I will … I will call you later, Youngho. Just … just … please take care of him. I’m going home …”

Taeyong walked quickly towards the stairs, leaving Johnny alone in confusion. He didn’t even let himself take a slight glance to Johnny’s direction and kept walking down the stairs. There’s the urge to get home as soon as he could. He even nearly made himself get into accident as he’s driving his car in high speed.

He breathed out so heavily, adding more speed after the red light stopped him for thirty seconds. His both hands are trembling on the wheel and he bit his lower lip to stop the uncomfortable feeling that was starting to take over him.

The first place that came on his mind wasn’t his studio like it used to be when he’s not in a good mood and needed some quiet place to let himself alone. His car turned into the familiar road that would lead him towards his apartment building. No one knew why he chose that place out of all the places he’s comfortable with when this kind of situation hit him. He himself didn’t even know why.

Once he arrived at the front of his closed apartment door, he froze there not remembering the passcode. It took him almost a whole ten minutes only to punch in several combinations of numbers, mostly random, until he got the right one. The bip sound made him push the door open so quickly and stepped into the apartment. He didn’t move after he closed the door, still leaning his entire body against the door until he felt his legs weaken. He slumped down to the floor, bending his knees against his chest and buried his face between them.

His chest felt so heavy that he wanted to hit it with his own hand over and over until the pain could be completely gone. One tear fell down as he raised his head up, the tip of his head hit the doorframe behind him. Another tear dripped down on his cheek and it only needed one quiet sigh to make him giving up from holding back his tears. He sniffled at first and the next seconds he found himself sobbing with his hands covering his mouth. But it lasted only for a couple of seconds as he started crying all his heart out, hand running through his hair in frustration. He was sobbing, hiccupping, sniffling …, he’s a mess right now. The more he let his mind get flooding by Sicheng’s smiley face and all the sweet things he did, the more he felt guilty over himself.  
He saw everything. He saw how Johnny carried Sicheng in his arms and brought him to his apartment. He heard all Sicheng said in Johnny’s bedroom. He heard all those words. He was already there as Johnny was taking care of unconscious Sicheng. He wished he didn’t hear anything Sicheng said to Johnny. He wished he didn’t hear the crying sound Sicheng made.

All the guilt he had been carrying on his both shoulders, he thought it’s already heavy. But after hearing everything from Sicheng, he was wrong. there’s another guilt, the heavier one, wrapping his entire body tightly.

A person who caused Sicheng’s parents’ death, it was him.

A person who made Sicheng live alone, it was him.

A person who made Sicheng feel insecure in his life, it was him.

A person who made Sicheng have that curse on his hands, it was him.

It was him who made everything bad come to Sicheng over and over in his life like there’s no tomorrow. And he couldn’t believe that he told that poor boy that what happened to his hands wasn’t a curse, but a gift.

Now … he didn’t know what he’s supposed to do if he had to meet him again after all of this.

The sound of his phone ringtone jolted him slightly. He slipped his hand into the pocket of his jeans to take out his phone. Johnny’s name appeared on the screen, trying to call him.

“Yes?” his voice cracked, sniffle following.

There’s a short silence before Johnny’s voice came through. “ _You know I really want to punch you so bad, don’t you_?”

  
Taeyong didn’t expect any friendly greeting from his bestfriend and this sounded relatable for now. He nodded.“

Yeah.”

 _“As much as I want to help you both, I prefer to stay myself away from whatever you’re dealing with. You are my best friend, Taeyong. So Sicheng is. I don’t want to see him suffering like this. he has suffered enough with …_ ” Johnny sighed. “ … _I love you both, you know that.”_

Another sniffle. Taeyong closed his eyes for a moment. “What should I do now, Youngho?”

  
Johnny didn’t answer. There’s a long pause but Taeyong knew Johnny was thinking too.

  
“ _I wish I could tell you what you should do, Taeyong. It’s out of my hands_.”

  
“Use your damn power, Youngho,” Taeyong’s voice sounded more desperate now. “Use that fucking power to help me. I don’t know what I have to do. I can’t even think of anything right now. Hearing him crying like that …” he couldn’t continue his words, biting his lower lip to hold back his tears.

“ _Taeyong_ —“

“I hate myself.” Taeyong gripped his phone tightly.

_“You need to calm down there. You have to calm down.”_

  
“Calm down? I just ruined Sicheng’s life, Youngho! No, I’ve been ruining his life for six years! And … and … I stupidly made him fall in love with me. I stupidly forced him to be with me under this … this … relationship or whatever it is. You don’t know my feeling, Seo Youngho!” Taeyong knew he shouldn’t shout like that. Johnny didn’t do anything wrong, he knew that. It was just … he couldn’t control his emotional feeling anymore.

He hung up the phone and threw it across the living room.

 

\---------------------------------

  
The upbeat music which had been blasting for hours now stopped and everyone filled their way out of the formation, literally rolling and dragging their feet from the center of the room to every corner to get the huge bottles of water. Taeyong was still on his spot, panting and checking his dancers through the wall of the mirror in front of him.

The dance competition was near. Two weeks, to be exact. They needed to prepare themselves more properly. Taeyong managed to brainwash his dancers to practice even harder than they used to do before which meant they had to practice like almost ten hours per day. Not to mention the extra two or three hours at night.

“Break time! Fifteen minutes!” Taeyong shouted, wiping the sweat on his face with the front side of his oversized T-shirt and walking towards the desk near the computer to get himself a water.

“Hyung, can I ask you something?” Jaehyun approached, looking hesitated when Taeyong turned around to face him and nodded. “I … I haven’t seen Sicheng for two weeks? Is he sick?”

Taeyong was lucky enough he already swallowed the water down his throat before he heard Sicheng’s name. He could’ve chocked on his water if he didn’t. “What?”

“I mean … he usually goes here and plays with us. It’s just …. weird not seeing him here and—“

“He’s good.” Taeyong had to give himself a standing ovation as he could let out a stable tone of his voice when he said that, as if nothing happened. Not to mention how normal his facial expression was. Maybe Jaehyun didn’t see his eyes shaking for a couple of seconds. “Busy with homework. Now go back to rest. We still have to fix some moves later.” He patted the younger’s arms and slightly pushed him away.

Jaehyun only nodded and walked back to the corner of the dance room, joining the other dancers who were laying on the floor like dead people. Yuta who was sitting against the mirror near Taeyong sighed and decided to drag his own butt towards the red-haired guy.

“Hey.”

Taeyong jumped a bit in surprise as he heard Yuta’s voice. He looked down at the Japanese guy.

“I can see it,” Yuta said.

“What _it_?” Taeyong crouched down to check their practice on the computer screen that he recorded earlier, eyes focusing on every dancer’s moves and writing down some notes on his notebook.

“You can lie to Jaehyun or other dancers here, but you can’t lie to me.”

“If you don’t have any important thing to say, go back to rest. We don’t have much time to—“

“Did you break up with Sicheng?”

Yuta’s sudden question almost made Taeyong press the delete button under the video. His hold on the mouse a bit tighter. He didn’t answer, eyes still gluing on the screen. Yuta stood up and leaned his hips on the edge of the computer desk.

“You’ve never been like this, Taeyong. I don’t know if you notice it or not, but you messed up your dance moves. The kids were scared to tell you. So, since I’m the second eldest here, after you of course, they wanted me to tell you about this thing. For someone who always pays their attention to every single little detail of the choreo, you …” Yuta sighed. “I’m not trying to drag my ass into your business, but you being unfocused and messing up when you’re with us, it’s just so annoying to me. I don’t know what’s going on between you and Sicheng and it’s not like I hate him, believe me, I like him so much, I just hope you can bring your clear mind back. Try to be more professional. Like you said, we don’t have much time to joke around. Put the competition first above all if you want to save our dance club’s reputation.” Yuta gave a light punch on Taeyong’s arm before leaving him alone to slide across the room and ended up squeezing Jaehyun from behind.

Taeyong ducked his head, taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly. At this rate, he could just made all people around him upset. He had tried his best to stay focus on his work, but he couldn’t help himself from spacing out eventually. He wished he could share what’s happening to him to others like normal people did with their friends. But he couldn’t tell them about what happened to Sicheng. It’s not like they would think he’s crazy or something like that, it’s just he wanted to protect Sicheng.

And yeah, Jaehyun was right. They had not seen Sicheng for two weeks, including him. Taeyong missed him so much that he would do anything he wanted to forgive him and let him hug and kiss him like he used to do. This feeling was scratching his heart so bad. Thanks to Johnny who was kind enough to update him about Sicheng’s condition for the past two weeks. He texted him three times per day. Morning, noon and night. But he stopped updating him after he said Sicheng went back to his own apartment two days ago. Taeyong asked him to send some of his ghost friends to watch over him there. Sicheng’s state was still unstable. He’s afraid if Sicheng did something bad to himself and no one knew about it.

 

 

Taeyong was standing across the empty street at night after the practice ended, literally behind the huge tree to hide himself from anyone, eyes following the skinny figure in oversized paddling jacket walking slowly towards the apartment building. His eyes were watery as he saw the night wind blow the boy’s soft black hair, brushing off some strands that were covering his eyes. That was the moment he let one tear drop. Sicheng’s eyes were so puffy, his expression was blank. Taeyong tightened his fist. It’s not what he wanted to see. Though Sicheng was taller than him, he looked so tiny with his current condition. Skinnier, more fragile and more insecure like the light wind could blow him away from where he’s walking and send him off to other place in five seconds.

And Taeyong felt more guilty.

Sicheng was nowhere in his view anymore and that meant that boy already got into his apartment. He wiped the tear away, sighing quietly and practically hoping the ghosts inside Sicheng’s apartment could take care of him tonight and other nights ahead until he had courage to meet him and apologize to him.

“Good night, Sicheng,” he hummed, stepping backwards very slowly to reach his car, eyes still staring at the building until the last seconds before he turned around and climbed into his car.

 

 

Sicheng showed up in front of Johnny’s apartment door, still in his dark jeans and crumpled checkered shirt. His hair was disheveled, eyes were too heavy to open in a slight wide.

“What are you doing at this hour here? It’s five in the morning, Sicheng.” Johnny rubbed his sleepy eyes and pulled Sicheng in.

“I feel like someone is watching me in my own apartment,” Sicheng answered, deadpanned. “Is that your ghost friend, hyung?”

Johnny grinned dryly as his answer. Sicheng rolled his eyes, throwing himself onto the couch.

“I thought I needed to look over you and …”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m fine? It’s not like I would hurt myself.”

“You did,” Johnny interrupted, upset. “You almost did.”

Sicheng only closed his eyes, recalling how he stared at the knife in his hand with desperate look after cutting an apple. “I was out of my mind.”

“If I didn’t call you, you would’ve done it, wouldn’t you?”

“That ringtone … came at the perfect time,” Sicheng mumbled, letting himself dozed off as he felt so sleepy.

Johnny sighed. “Sleep in bedroom, don’t sleep here.”

Sicheng obeyed though he grunted as he’s walking towards Johnny’s room. He flopped next to Johnny who just pulled the sheet up to his chest, rolling onto his side only to show his back to Johnny.

“Should I move here so you don’t have to send all those ghosts to my apartment?” Sicheng asked all of sudden.

“Only if you would love to. But I know you don’t want to.”

Sicheng smiled weakly hearing Johnny’s answer, nuzzling his nose against the soft fabric of the sheet and letting the silence inside Johnny’s room grew deeper until he felt a little bit uncomfortable with how quiet the room was. He didn’t like quiet places now, just like what’s happening inside this room. It was strange even for himself who used to like this kind of place where he could feel calm only by hearing his own breath. He used to feel safe as if the silence could wrapped its strong hands around his skinny form to protect him from anything in this world. He used to be so easy expressing himself in the silence. He could laugh while read some funny comics or cry while watched some lame sad-romantic movie on his laptop alone. But now … that suppose familiar feeling looked like a stranger for him. He always cried and felt scared now. He’s afraid if he lost his self-control and did something bad to himself again.

The truth that he was dealing with right now caused the massive damage at himself that he couldn’t fix it anymore. Pretending to be fine and showing million smiles to people around him were hard for him. He couldn’t tell if he was really expert of hiding his painful feeling or people around him pretended not to notice his odd behavior. Especially Johnny who seemed to be normal as if he knew nothing after that morning. He talked like usual, still welcoming him in the middle of the night though he grunted sometimes. Johnny was just … being Johnny.

It’s either Sicheng managed to fool everyone of he got fooled by them.

“Go try to talk to him.”

Johnny’s voice snapped Sicheng’s mind back to the bedroom. He blinked his eyes several times and looked over his shoulder a bit before pressing the side of his head back into the pillow. He didn’t answer, trying to breathe out very quietly so that Johnny thought he already fell asleep. But no, it seemed Johnny noticed he was still awake as the elder ruffled his hair and fixed the sheet on his arm.

“I’m not ready …,” Sicheng finally answered, but it sounded more like a question to himself. He’s more than “not ready”.

“It’s not good for both of you if you keep avoiding each other—“

“We are not avoiding each other,” Sicheng cut him off. “We just … haven’t seen each other for a while. Practically,” he corrected a bit curtly, huffed against the sheet and closed his eyes back.

Johnny sighed, turning his head to look at Sicheng’s back. As much as he felt relieved the younger didn’t cry anymore (at least in front of him) and acted a bit normal as before all this happened, he couldn’t see the sincerity in his eyes. He might see the smile on his face, his laughter, his cute puppy eyes when he wanted something from him, but they weren’t the same like what he had seen before. His eyes looked so empty, blank, and soulless. He couldn’t see the sparks which used to be there every time he stared at him. The light in his eyes was gone.

“You hate him for what he’d done in the past?” Johnny still tried, still on guard if Sicheng couldn’t hold back his anger.

Sicheng didn’t answer, but what Johnny heard a few seconds later made him want to slap his own mouth for asking him like that. Sicheng suddenly sniffled and his breath was shaky. The younger was trying his best not to cry after Johnny asked him.

“Sicheng?” Johnny sat up and leaned closer to Sicheng, flipping him back onto his back by his shoulder so he could his face.

Sicheng was covering his face to hide his tears, but Johnny still could hear him sobbing.

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I didn’t mean to ask you like that. Sicheng, I’m sorry,” Johnny apologized, full of regret.

“I miss him, hyung. I miss him so much,” Sicheng whimpered in his cry, shifting closer to the elder and resting his head on his lap, hands still covering his face. His shoulders were shaking violently that Johnny had to hold it while mumbled countless sorry to him.

The wound had opened again and it’s all because of Johnny’s stupid mouth. He wouldn’t deny it. He made a mistake by letting himself asking that question. He knew it had been so hard for Sicheng to get through this, yet he still did that to him.

 

\---------------------------------

  
Sicheng had been wishing so hard every single day that he wouldn’t meet Taeyong until he could completely settle down his own emotion. He didn’t know when that time would come, he just wanted to be alone for now. But God played the opposite path in his life again today that he couldn’t turn around and run this time. He froze in front of an art gallery building, still holding his frapuccino and almost slipping it off his hold as some visitor accidentally bumped his shoulder that sent him aside of the entrance way. He stumbled but still managed to balance himself without pouring the sweet coffee on his snickers.

Taeyong was standing a few steps away from him. They both were surprised. Likely it was only Sicheng who was obviously shocked by knowing Taeyong was here too, questioning himself what the elder was doing here, was he also coming to see the arts exhibition inside. Sicheng knew Taeyong was slightly into photography and painting, but not that deep. Those questions seemed not a point at this moment. A coincidence ? Seoul was large enough for both of them for not seeing each other, unless … something called coincidence.

The last thing Sicheng could remember was Johnny sent him an online tickets for this exhibition. He said he wanted to go with him. A sudden afternoon date, he said. Sicheng had been waiting for the elder for almost half an hour in front of the building, but Johnny was nowhere to be seen. And now he saw Taeyong instead. He was too busy calming himself down to think maybe Johnny was the culprit that was setting this up. He couldn’t think any of it as his heart felt heavy again recalling what happened to him and Taeyong.

Taeyong stepped closer quietly, eyes looking so sad. Sicheng could’ve turned around and left him, but he didn’t move, staring at the elder who was slowly cutting the distance gap between them until he found him standing right in front of him. He even could see his glossy eyes and an expression all over his face that wanted to say something.

“Sicheng …”

A soft and sweet voice that Sicheng missed the most. The way Taeyong called him by his real name. The way he pronounced his name a bit weirdly. That was the moment he realized he was holding back his breath for a couple of seconds. He blinked once. Blinked twice. And blinked rapidly, turning his face away to breathe in. The problem was he couldn’t hide the sudden whimper as he breathed out as that emotion got back into his chest again, hitting his heart strongly that made his eyes acting up, tears trying to fill up.

No, he didn’t cry.

“Can we talk for a moment?” Taeyong asked. “Please …?”

Sicheng wanted to say no. He wanted to shout “NO!” right in front of Taeyong’s face and showed his anger. However, he was coward after all. Mostly all the rebellion only existed on his mind and it popped out like a bubble once he tried to open his mouth.

Once he was coward, he would be forever one.

Sicheng found himself sitting on the end of the bench outside the building, near the mini fountain with Taeyong sitting on the opposite side. Both of them were quietly staring at parking lot that full of cars and some guests were on their way into the building.

“How are you?”

It was Taeyong who initiated the conversation, or he hoped it would be.

Sicheng didn’t answer at first, only tightening his hold on his right hand on his lap. He wasn’t good. He had not been good. He was never good. He would never be good. Those kinds of answers wouldn’t fit his state after all because he was worse than that.

“I’m good,” Sicheng lied.

Taeyong noticed it. He closed his eyes, ducking his head down and biting his lower lip to prevent himself from telling Sicheng that he didn’t look good at all.

“You like photography now?” Taeyong just wanted to make a conversation, turning his head only to see Sicheng’s side profile and he missed it a lot. So beautiful if only he put some expression on his face, not that blank one. Taeyong hated it. It made him feel guiltier than he already did.

“Johnny hyung asked me to go with him.”

The answer was short and quick. That was much better than no answer. And Sicheng didn’t seem to end their meeting anytime soon. So, Taeyong thought he would have to be more careful with his words. If he made a slight mistake, Sicheng would leave him again and he wouldn’t know when he would be able to see him.

“You should try to go to NCT Dance Competition. So many talented dancers, cool dance groups, perfect event, I guess. Tell me if you wanna go. I will …” Taeyong paused his own words, mouth slightly hanging open. He realized something. If the state between them wasn’t this bad, if they were still that disgusting lovey-dovey couple, Sicheng would’ve reacted enthusiastically, showing his innocent exited expression and his sparkly eyes to him, and maybe bombarding him with many questions about when they would go, what kind of outfit he should wear, something like that.

Taeyong leaned into the bench, regretting himself for saying that stuff.

“I’m going in.” Sicheng stood up and was about to walk when Taeyong suddenly pulled him by wrist. He tensed up feeling Taeyong’s skin on his. A physical contact with the person who gave him a curse on his hands. But Sicheng couldn’t flinch away somehow, only standing still. He wanted to shake Taeyong’s hand off, but his body didn’t want to listen his brain.

“Can’t you just punch me right in the face instead? Hit me, punch me as much as you want until I’m bleeding. I will take it,” Taeyong spoke, more like a whisper. His grip on Sicheng’s wrist tightened, but not too tight to hurt Sicheng’s skin.

It was here. The moment he’s afraid of the most if he had to meet Taeyong was here. He hated the way Taeyong spoke. He hated hearing his desperate voice. He hated the situation where he looked like the one who made a mistake, not Taeyong.

“Hitting you is not gonna change anything, hyung. My parents won’t come back. Even avoiding you like this is not the best option, either. I’m just … confused at myself,” Sicheng’s voice wasn’t too different with Taeyong’s. He barely let out his voice. His chest went heavy along with every single word he said. He just realized he wasn’t ready at all to talk about this thing with him.

He was never ready.

“Blame me, yell at me like you did in my apartment before. I know it won’t change anything, but you can’t keep all of it by yourself. I did a big mistake to you, I won’t deny it. I was bad. I was jerk. I was stupid. I was idiot for doing that stupid thing, for running away from what I had done. I—“

“I’ve told you it’s not gonna change the thing. Even if I do that, I’d get tired by myself,” Sicheng paused, quietly taking a breath. “Let’s just say … meeting me was already a punishment for you, hyung. To reminding you of your biggest mistake. My hand, please.”

Taeyong couldn’t do anything but loosened up his grip and pulled his hand off Sicheng’s wrist as Sicheng asked. He didn’t even stop the younger as he’s leaving him alone to go somewhere. He guessed he’s not going inside the building because he just ruined his mood.

Taeyong sighed, slightly sniffing and blinking away the tears that were threatening to fall down. Failed meeting, yes. It’s his first chance to meet Sicheng yet it ended up in not-too-good situation again. Just like the first times they met. But he couldn’t bet they would make up eventually like before because … everything was way too different. Maybe he still hoped a tiny chance that this could get a good moment in the end.


	12. Chapter 12

Sicheng raised his brows in confusion after Johnny placed a flight ticket on the dining table along with a mug of hot chocolate. If he had to remember, he only asked him to make him his favorite hot chocolate, not with this ticket.

“Are you going somewhere?” Sicheng asked, pulling the mug closer to himself and pressing the palm of his hand onto the mug to feel the warmth. The weather in this afternoon was a bit colder and he thought drinking hot chocolate wasn’t bad idea.

“No. it’s you who’s going somewhere,” Johnny answered without turning to Sicheng as he put the empty bowls into the sink.

“I don’t understand,” Sicheng mumbled against the rim of the mug before sipping the hot chocolate carefully.

Johnny turned around and walked back to the dining table, taking a seat across the table. “Go stay in my friend’s villa in Jeju for a couple of days … or weeks to get some break. You can relax there and enjoy the beautiful views.”

“I’m fine, though.”

Johnny glared at him and it made Sicheng duck his head immediately to help himself taking another sip of his hot chocolate, and to avoid Johnny’s eyes, of course. The elder was pretty much upset at him. He could tell. He wouldn’t deny that Johnny knew he wasn’t fine at all after what happened to him. He was lying and Johnny could see it very well through his eyes.

“You look terribly awful. Don’t make me start listing down the times you cried alone in your apartment in the middle of the night. You need a break from this for a while, Sicheng. Help yourself.”  
Sicheng snorted, slightly smiling. “You sound more like my father than my bestfriend.”

“I can be anyone you want. As long as it can help you to get better, I can be that person. Your father, your mom, your older brother, you friend, your bestfriend, or even your—“ Johnny stopped himself abruptly as he noticed he would say nonsense thing. “Just take this and go.”

“You’re going with me?” Sicheng didn’t notice it.

“I’m not your babysitter.”

Sicheng pouted. “You said you can be anyone I want.”

Johnny wasn’t supposed to smile, but his lips curled up into amused smile by themselves. And the next second he found himself laughing with Sicheng. That laugh looked genuine this afternoon and Johnny felt relieved for some reason. It had been three months since he found the younger collapsed at the sidewalk in a very bad condition. Making Sicheng smiling and laughing like this was quite hard for him since the younger always showed up with gloomy and sad expression all over his face.

“Feel better?” Johnny asked, pointing at the mug.

Sicheng nodded, inhaling the warm and sweet smell of chocolate. His hand moved on his chest. “But it’s still hurt here.”

Johnny sighed. “I know. I’m just glad you’re not hiding your pain from me.”

Sicheng only smiled a little and looked down at his mug, his mind flying out of his head, thinking of how he didn’t have any strength to hide his pain anymore. He would just show it bluntly now. Maybe it’s bad idea, but no one cared anyway.

“Would it end just like this?” Sicheng hummed, loud enough for Johnny to stare at him immediately. “I can’t even ask myself or dare to give the answer for myself, either.”

“But you have to. If you don’t, you will end up hurting yourself and I will be the first person who hits your head if you ever hurt yourself again,” Johnny said.

Sicheng chuckled, sighing as he leaned into his chair. At this point, he admitted he had been avoiding Taeyong for so many reasons and they were mostly the same thing : He wasn’t ready to meet him. He’s afraid if he would say something bad that would hurt Taeyong’s feeling. He couldn’t promise to himself he would be able to control himself from that.

“Will I get better after I come back? I mean … “

“It depends on you,” Johnny cut him off. “If you really want to help yourself and let your mind rest for a while, you will. But if you keep being hard on yourself, blaming yourself for everything, for anything that happened, you …” Johnny breathed in, feeling so heavy to let out the next words.

“I know …” Sicheng added. Yes, he knew. He knew what Johnny would say to him and he also knew what the answer he would choose eventually since he’s such a coward. “I’ll try my best.”

The urge to reach out his hand to ruffle Sicheng’s hair was there, but Johnny held himself back. No, he wanted to do more than that. Hugging him? And Reassuring him that he would get through this well? He would do all of them to make sure Sicheng was okay. A real okay.

“Can you …” Sicheng blinked in hesitation. “Can you … ask some of your friends to … go with me?” he mumbled, barely moving his mouth that Johnny had to ask him to repeat his question.

Once Sicheng repeated his question, Johnny couldn’t help but laughed in his seat, his shoulders bouncing up and down. Sicheng looked annoyed and already regretted for asking.

“Even without asking them to, they would follow you whenever you go, Sicheng. Have I told you that you have that magnet or aura or whatever that is that can attract some ghosts? You really have it.”

Sicheng huffed and rolled his eyes. That accident really gave him some shits. He died and came back to live only to get this curse on his hands and this stupid aura inside him that made scary ghosts falling in love with him. Not to mention the complicated journey of him and Taeyong that no one knew the future picture of their relationship.

“When will I go?” Sicheng shook the thought away and took the ticket instead, scanning it randomly.

“Next week. On Friday morning. I’ve set it up two hours after NCT Dance Competition—“

“I’ll go this weekend,” Sicheng interrupted, causing Johnny to blink his eyes in a slight confusion. “I’ll reschedule this to this weekend. I’ll stay in some hotel for a couple of days first so don’t worry about your friend’s villa. I—“ he paused as noticed Johnny furrowing his brows. “I won’t do anything stupid, hyung. That’s why I asked you to ask your ghost friends to accompany me. They will be the first ones who know what I’m doing there.”

Johnny shook his head. “ That’s not what I’m worrying about. I thought you would watch Taeyong’s dance club’s performance, that’s why I bought the ticket for that day.”

“I’m not planning to watch any event,” Sicheng answered casually, bringing his mug up and sipping the hot chocolate slowly, avoiding Johnny’s gaze on him. Yeah, he got the ticket for the event three days ago and he was sure Johnny got one too since he’s Taeyong’s best friend. He could picture Taeyong would do anything to drag Johnny out of his apartment and force him to watch the competition, eventhough they all knew the situation between Taeyong and Sicheng was still bad.

 

 

“We’re the tenth performer. Every team got forty five minutes of performance, so …” Jaehyun stared at the ceiling of the dressing room for a second, quietly calculating how long they would get the free time to prepare themselves before going up on the stage. “ … I can take a nap for like two hours but I can’t even close my eyes for two minutes.”

“Someone please calm him down or else he would pass out because of too much blabbering.” Yuta waved his hand, gesturing one of the dancers to approach Jaehyun and stop him from moving and talking.

Taeyong who was still sitting in front of the mirror didn’t even tear his eyes away from his reflection. His make-up was done. His hair, too. The grey contact lens made him look like a wolf, Jaehyun told him. And the fancy earrings, sparkly choker, all black outfit from the jacket, tank top, pants and shoes. Other dancers wore the same stuff, maybe there were some different accessories here and there. Everything looked perfect.

But not with Taeyong’s expression. He had to thank his eye make-up and those contact lens that could hide his blank expression. No one caught it, at least. He got a text from Johnny an hour ago that he would come to watch the performance, but he didn’t say anything about Sicheng. Taeyong didn’t expect the younger would come, to be honest. He didn’t want to give himself a false hope.

_“Please, do well. Give your best for the sake of the group and the dance studio. I know you can do it_.”

That’s the only message from Sicheng that Johnny told him. He couldn’t make sure if it’s really Sicheng’s message or Johnny tried to make it up, but he would let himself believe that it’s from Sicheng. Today’s competition was important. More important than anything. He and his dance team had sacrificed their free times, shedding sweat and blood to practice and practice, giving their best to win this competition. So yeah, this message really helped him so much.

His dance club had been lost at so many dance competitions. Every rage, emotion, fear and sadness were hitting them right in their hearts and on their minds. Some of them even decided to drop out of the dance studio, choosing different path on their own. Taeyong lost so many dancers at that time. Yuta and Jaehyun were the only original members from the very first dancers who came to his studio and the rest were the ones who came after Taeyong rebuilt the studio.

That memory would stay on his mind forever.

“Taeyong, it’s our turn!”

Yuta’s loud voice wake him up, pulling his mind back. He blinked and turned to see Jaehyun, who just yawned, called his name while pushed other dancers to get out of the room.

Fifteen people in one group. That’s huge. And thank God, the stage was quite huge and wider too. The audience from all the places he didn’t know, including the previous teams who had performed before, were sitting neatly in front of the stage, waiting for the grand and mesmerizing performance from Taeyong’s team.

The lights were off. Taeyong stood up in the middle of his team, positioning himself in the formation, giving the nearest members light pats as a silent  _fighting._ He breathed in, not denying he himself was nervous, too. It would sound so lame, but the picture of Sicheng’s innocent smile on his mind calmed him down. His chest tightened. The sensation was weird. There’s a slight pain but he would ignore it for a bit, letting that picture lingered through his mind to give him more spirit.

_It’s for you, Sicheng. For you only. I will give you the medal if I have a chance to meet you._

The dramatic music started first, and the next ten minutes the main song blasted. Taeyong was on fire, so were other dancers, moving their bodies in sync, gazes shooting forward as if they’re angry wolves. Sharp moves, smooth swings, powerful jumps, backflips, everybody was giving their best, all out, the audience could feel the passion through the performance. And it all ended with so much sweat, heavy breathing, eyes full of satisfaction, some of them even had to hold their tears but Taeyong. He let the tears fall down while breathed through his mouth. One weight flew away from his shoulders that could make him smiling. He felt a soft squeeze on the back of his nape. He turned to find Yuta, who was sweating so much, nodding and mouthing a good job, leader to him. He was about to thank him, but he heard a whisper from his right side where Jaehyun was so near to pass out.

 

  
“Second place … is not that bad, though. Cheer up, Buddy,” Johnny put the black cap on Taeyong’s head randomly after he succeeded sneaking into Taeyong’s team’s dressing room.

Taeyong laughed breathlessly, adjusting the cap on his head before showing off the silver medal inside the see-through glass box in his hand. “I didn’t even expect to get the second place, though. I thought we would get at least fifth place?”

“A congratulation hug?” Johnny offered jokingly.

Taeyong blinked. “As much as I’m pretty confident with the smell of my sweat, I still don’t wanna hug you right now.”

“You’re such an asshole,” Johnny hissed, rolling his eyes and looking away to see the chaos inside the room.

Jaehyun was still standing in the middle of the room, declaring something to his friends while hitting his own chest several times, and the next minute he was on his knees crying to his medal and thanking all his friends for their hardwork. Johnny didn’t know if he had to feel touched or laugh for that.

“I’ll treat you a drink tonight. Go with us,” Taeyong said.

“Nah. I’ll just stay in my—“

“When will you let your ass out of that boring place for a second? No offense, but you need to socialize with human beings more. Playing with ghosts is fun, but I swear to God, I don’t wanna die if I end up being a pathetic ghost that has to stick to you forever.”

“I shouldn’t have been your bestfriend,” Johnny retorted, deadpanned.

“But you couldn’t even resist my charm back then, that’s why we became bestfriends.” Taeyong smirked.

“I don’t know why Sicheng liked you so much. He should know how bratty you are …”

Taeyong’s expression changed as Sicheng’s name was mentioned. He cleared his throat and was about to ask about Sicheng. But as soon as he saw Johnny’s face, somehow he already knew the answer. Sicheng was fine.

_There’s nothing to worry about. He still didn’t want to see me. He still hated me._

  
“You don’t have to tell me everything. As long as he’s okay and healthy, I’m fine.” Taeyong forced himself to smile genuinely, but somehow it ended up to be a bitter one.

Johnny was silent, reading Taeyomg’s face that he concluded that red haired guy was still having hard time to be away from Sicheng. He sighed and looked away, feeling so pity to himself for being in between these friends and having to deal with them. Sometimes he wondered why he never gave up on them for so many unknown reasons.

“Let’s go with us tonight. I’ll treat you a lot of delicious meals and good drinks,” Taeyong went back to the first topic.

“How about you ditching your team and drinking with me instead?”

Taeyong deadpanned. “That’s so rude, dude.”

“Okay, I took the wrong words. I mean, how about you not getting your ass drunk when you’re with them and going to my place to get drunk after that?”

“What are you gonna do to me? You wanna tell me something?” Taeyong couldn’t help but felt anxious.

Johnny shook his head. “More like you wanna let out every grudge inside your chest until you feel content to me. Am I right? And it’s saver to be drunk with me instead of with people who don’t know anything.”

Taeyong hated that Johnny was right. He had a lot of things inside his chest that he had hard time to breathe every single day. He wouldn’t deny that he had been ignoring it and after Johnny said that, he could feel all of the feeling hitting him right away. And … once again, Johnny was right. He’s always the best person to lean on when he’s having hard time, just like this. He could share everything…, anything with him. He could cry as much as he wanted, as loud as he wanted. He could wipe his snot with the sleeve of his jacket though he knew he would get punched by him afterwards. He could show the worst weakness of himself in front of him. It’s all because Johnny was his reliable best friend.

 

At 1 am, sitting on the soft carpet, back leaning against the couch behind, one hand still holding en empty can of cold beer, Taeyong found himself sobbing into his free palm. He wasn’t drunk … yet, but his head was already hurt so much, tears kept running down his face. The dinner with his team had already ended two hours ago and he was completely awake when he showed up in front of Johnny’s apartment. But now …, he’s a mess.

Johnny who just finished his third beer only placed the empty can on the coffee table quietly while kept watching his best friend crying like a stupid person. He sighed, already anticipating this would happen eventually. In the first fifteen minutes after he told him that Sicheng already flew to Jeju a week ago, Taeyong still looked fine though he spaced out. The next fifteen minutes, he started sniffing, his shoulders shaking.

Taeyong was crying. And Johnny didn’t know how to stop him. He wouldn’t stop him, though.

Yeah, it’s good since Taeyong cried here, in his apartment, only with him, without anyone else.

“He will be fine alone, right?” Taeyong asked, voice shaking.

“My ghost friends are with him, so don’t worry too much.”

Taeyong didn’t know how to process this information, so he just continued wiping his tears away with the back of his hand.

Don’t worry too much? Johnny mentioned his ghost friends instead his friends who were real humans. Taeyong couldn’t totally trust those ghost friends for taking care of Sicheng there. He couldn’t—

“You wanna go there too?” Johnny suddenly asked as if he could read Taeyong’s expression.

Taeyong shook his head immediately. “No. I don’t want to ruin his trip.”

“Good to know you’re aware about that,” Johnny blurted out, drinking his beer.

The silence hit them again. The crazy screams came from some female ghosts that were standing at the end of the living room praising Taeyong’s look though he’s so messy, but of course only Johnny who could hear their creepy squeals.

“So … we just broke up? Like this? Me and Sicheng?”

Taeyong’s soft voice helped Johnny to mute the ghosts’ squeals and screams.

“No one said anything about breaking up, Taeyong.”

Taeyong smiled bitterly. “But everything Sicheng did …. It indirectly told me that we just broke up.”

“Not broke up, but taking a break from whatever it is. You two need to take a break, resting your mind, everything, to gain new energy, to decide about what you would do after all of this. To end your relationship and continue living separately like a stranger for each other? Or to give a second chance to both of you to fix everything and start it all over again like new people? These options won’t vanish the pain in your and Sicheng’s hearts, we know it very well, Taeyong. Even if we still have another options, it would be the same. Your past will always haunt both of you for long time.”

Taeyong closed his eyes. “Sicheng said …” he opened his eyes, staring at his beer blankly. “Our meeting a few months ago was …” it’s hard for him to say. “already a punishment for me, to remind me of my biggest mistake in the past. And he was right. Everytime I see him now …, I always remember his parents and what I did to them.”

“I can say that was just an accident.”

Taeyong quickly glared at Johnny, furrowing his brows. “That was my fault, Youngho. Don’t try to defend me.”  
“I’m not defending anyone. You didn’t know that accident would happen. No one knew.”

“It’s not about the accident. It’s about what I should’ve done after that accident long time ago! I should’ve not ran away and hid! I should’ve not left them alone in that car! I should’ve looked for Sicheng if he was still alive or already dead and apologized to him! It’s about humanity! I was the one who made a mistake but Sicheng got all the punishment alone! The one who should get that curse was me, not him! He’s innocent!” Taeyong looked totally pissed. His eyes were watery again, but this time he didn’t cry. He opened another can of beer and drank it in one-go.

This time … Johnny didn’t interrupt Taeyong, or tried to defend him. His words just shut his mouth. Completely. He had heard this kind of words from Sicheng, throwing all the blame towards Taeyong and not giving a very slight empathy to him. He was somehow ….slightly pissed at Sicheng for blaming Taeyong. But now, the same words just came out of Taeyong’s mouth. Exactly the same words. Johnny realized Sicheng was right for some reason. If he was Sicheng, he would’ve said the same thing too. However … it’s still hurt for him.

“Give me more beer.” Taeyong threw the empty can away a bit roughly. He clicked his tongue as he realized what he just did.

“I only bought five. And the last one was that one.” Johnny pointed at the can Taeyong just threw away.

Taeyong sighed, rubbing his face in frustration. “But I wanna get drunk,” he growled.

“And what? Even if you’re drunk tonight, you’ll still remember everything tomorrow,” Johnny sounded like he’s scolding Taeyong.

Taeyong made noise, turning around and climbing upon the couch behind him, laying on his stomach and burying his entire face into Johnny’s blue coat. He screamed into it. His head already felt dizzy which was a simple sign that he nearly got drunk. Perhaps with one or two more cans of beer, he would totally get drunk and end up being unconscious on the cold floor in front of Johnny’s apartment since likely Johnny would throw him out.

But tonight, Johnny wouldn’t do any of it. Even if Taeyong really got drunk, he would still let the latter lay on that couch until he woke up tomorrow. Quietly he stood up and walked towards his bedroom to get a pillow and a blanket that Sicheng always used everytime he slept over.

“Don’t sleep on my precious coat. That’s so expensive.” Johnny nudged Taeyong’s back with the tip of the pillow. Taeyong only grunted as he threw the coat onto the floor to which caused Johnny to smack the back of Taeyong’s head with the pillow a bit hard.

“I don’t need that blanket.” Taeyong refused to take the blanket in Johnny’s hand and flipped onto his side instead, showing his back to the taller guy.

“You will need that……. eventually,” Johnny threw the blanket on Taeyong’s arm. “That belongs to Sicheng,” he only murmured it while he was turning around and about to leave Taeyong alone. And the latter obviously caught what he just said and froze on the couch.

Taeyong didn’t move. He could feel the weight of the blanket on his arm since it’s so big and thick. The smell of soft vanilla and fresh mint, just like the smell of the owner, Sicheng. He closed his eyes, inhaling the soft smell slowly and the next second he found himself hugging the blanket with his both arms instead of wrapping himself with it.

_It smells like you. I feel like I’m hugging you. I know it’s stupid, but let me be one just for tonight because I miss you so much …_

The clock was ticking, the silence was hitting the living room. Taeyong was already sleeping soundly with Sicheng’s blanket in his arms on the couch. There’s one female ghost crouching down only to stare at Taeyong’s face with her bloody eyes. Her smile was sweet yet creepy. Good to know Taeyong couldn’t see her or even feel her presence. At least no one couldn’t disturb him who was hugging and kissing Sicheng all over his face with so much love and complicated feeling. Both of them were crying as they started to press their lips together, kissing very slowly. Sicheng apologized, voice mumbling against Taeyong’s lips as the elder tried to bite his lower lip. Taeyong opened his eyes,his lips still capturing Sicheng’s. He didn’t say anything, only staring at Sicheng’s eyes with full of questions.

Why? Why was Sicheng the one who apologized instead of him? What was Sicheng going to do? Why did it feel like something bad would come to them?

God …

He knew the meaning behind Sicheng’s apology, but he refused to understand. He’s a stupid person who didn’t know any word. He’s deaf so he couldn’t hear anything.

“I’m sorry.”

Taeyong heard him again and he understood.

“No. Don’t say anything,” he hushed the younger by pressing his lips against his. They kissed for couple of minutes before Sicheng pulled back and hugged him tightly.

It was just a dream.

 

 

\-------------------------------------------------------

Sicheng yawned and stretched his arms, walking towards the balcony enjoying the fresh and bright morning that was welcoming him. The small villa he had been staying in for the past two weeks was so quiet and he still felt so weird with it. The clock on the wall inside his bedroom showed that it’s already 10 am. Quite good since he didn’t have so much trouble in his sleep though it’s not like he slept soundly, anyway. He just … didn’t know he could sleep for that long. A weird dream was an exceptional since he couldn’t remember it well.

Feeling better? Sicheng couldn’t tell. Sometimes he felt really good when he’s wandering around some places with a group of grandpas in the morning and having breakfast with them. He didn’t know why he ended up with them, but it’s entertaining him for some reason. Sometimes he felt sad all over again, just like before, crying alone in the bedroom while wiping his snot with the sheet of his bed, telling the ghost inside the room not to tell him what he’s doing. Oh, he had not called Johnny since he arrived here, not even an one message. Though he looked like a crazy person talking with ghosts which no one could see them (including himself), he hoped they could pass his message to Johnny, that he’s fine.

Two days ago he accidentally touched four people’s hands, but he’s lucky enough he didn’t collapse in the public, literally in the middle of the crazy crowd near the beach. That’s terrifying and he hoped the ghosts willingly shut their mouth about that.

Yeah, he’s trying his best to heal himself, to forget everything in Seoul, but he couldn’t lie. He missed Taeyong … sometimes. There’s the moment he mumbled the elder’s name as he’s curling up into a ball on the floor in the bedroom after touching random tourist’s hand in the afternoon and getting the vision. He needed his cure so bad, but he knew he wouldn’t get it.

Aside from that regular thing he had to deal with, everything was fine. Jeju was beautiful. Indeed.

“Had a nice sleep?”

Sicheng startled a little as he heard someone shouted. His eyes wandered around to find the owner of that heavy voice. His gaze dropped at the tall guy in bright pink tracksuit and black cap who was standing and waving at him down there, near the entrance gate of the villa.

“Would you like to come down here? I need …uh….jogging buddy?”

Sicheng furrowed his brows, confused. “It’s … ten …”

“I like jogging at this hour. Ten-ish?”

Sicheng only snorted before telling him to wait for him so he could wash his face and change his clothes. He pulled off his crumpled oversized white T-shirt and threw onto the bed, fetching a black tank top and dark blue sweater from the wardrobe. And short pants, of course. He cursed at himself as he almost forgot to wear his gloves.

Yes, gloves was a must.

“Are we really gonna go jogging at this hour? The weather is literally crazy, Lucas.” Sicheng came out of the villa and jogged approaching the tall guy named Lucas.

Yes, he’s Lucas. A friend that Sicheng accidentally met in the airport after he landed in Jeju last week. A nineteen years old guy … or boy, who ditched his school and flew to Jeju instead. His friends thought he passed out inside the toilet and got kidnapped by alien, some of them thought he’s already dead after trying to vomit near the bridge above Han river, no one cared….. he said it all once in one breath. But he could make sure he wasn’t bad person, he didn’t kill human.

“Not really. At least I could make you coming out of your villa,” Lucas answered a second later, causing Sicheng to stop himself from remembering how Lukas called him a special friend before stepping into a black jeep that had been waiting for him outside the airport on that day. He blinked and saw that wide smile. Lukas really smiled a lot that Sicheng wondered if he had ever hurt his cheeks for doing that too much or not.

“Morning coffee, then?” Lucas offered, hand pointing at the nearest small café. They literally just need to walk for ten minutes and they would get two iced Americano with a small bag of assorted cookies for free. “I’ll pay for it. Come on.” He put his arm on Sicheng’s shoulder and slightly dragged him so they could walk faster to get there.

The weather in Jeju today was quite hot but the sky looked so clear and beautiful though. Sicheng almost took off his sweater if he didn’t remember he only wore a tank top under it. So he only pulled the sleeves up to his elbows instead.

The assorted cookies on the table … reminded Sicheng of Taeyong already. He almost choked on his coffee as he remembered how Taeyong ate the cookies clumsily. The elder always left the crumble all over his front shirt. He could feel a slight pang inside his chest, it’s not hurting him, though. There’s a very little smile on Sicheng’s face and Lucas noticed it.

“You need to smile more, ge. You look more beautiful when you smile.”

Once again, Sicheng blushed and he hid it by rolling his eyes, stuffing a chocolate cookie into his mouth.

“Thanks for ..uh… being my friend here. I thought I would be alone to death and—“

“Should I tell you how many times you’ve thanked me for the same thing for the past two weeks?” Lucas cut him off. “Ninety six times.”

“You really had to do that?” Sicheng deadpanned.

Lucas only nodded innocently and drank his coffee, feeling amused by Sicheng’s annoyed face. It looked … cute.

“Hey …” Sicheng put the heart-shapped cookie back into the plate and gripped the edge of his phone on the table, chewing the inside of his lips as he’s trying to find new questions. If he had to remember, since the first time they met until today, it’s always been him who asked about … literally everything like what’s your hobby, who’s your favorite actors or actress, do you like idols, do you like to sing, do you like dancing, have you ever skipped the class, this and that. Even if he only asked him one question, he would get more than one answer, the latter would mention another things about him, what food he didn’t like, his favorite colors, blabbering everything and getting excited and upset by his own story. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go on.” Lucas nodded right away.

Sicheng sighed seeing how Lucas responded him quickly like that.

“Are you gonna ask me why I’m still here? It’s almost two weeks but I’m still wandering around here?” Lucas guessed.

Sicheng shook his head.

“Uhmm… do I like girls or … guys? I’m okay with that, anyway.”

“What? No. that’s not what I wanna ask.”

“So what?”

It took almost ten seconds for Sicheng to open his mouth, but of course it’s Lucas who ruined it by asking him to go to Night Party with him tonight.

Oh, Sicheng almost forgot that there’s some night party or whatever that was at the beach near his villa tonight. Sounded fun, but he’s not in the mood to go anywhere.

“I can’t—“

“You can. You will. You have to. Go. I’ll pick you up at seven. What about it?”

It would be pointless if Sicheng said no since Lucas was stubborn. Perhaps, if he refused to go, the younger would break the door of the villa and dragged him out.

“Dresscode?” Sicheng gave up.

“Short pants, tank top, topless is much better and sneakers. Messy hair is sexy and …” Lucas stopped answering and laughed as Sicheng hissed at him. It looked fun to annoy Sicheng sometimes. “Casual clothes for summer. Since the wind is a bit strong in the night here, you better bring a jacket, too.”

“Got it,” Sicheng sighed.

“Going to party is one of the good cure to release some stress. I promise I’ll protect you there.” Lucas put his big hand on his chest, showing his sincere expression as if he would throw his punch towards people who touch Sicheng’s skin there. Likely a bodyguard.

Sicheng only shook his head and drank his coffee. It would be fun, he better had that thought. Especially he’s with someone he knew. Lucas, right? That boy was easy going and he felt comfortable with him, anyway.

 

When Lucas said night party, Sicheng thought it would be full of young people in summer clothes with a beer in their hands, some of them already getting drunk as the party had just started and the others making out quietly under the trees, away from the lights. Not this kind of … family party that full of children in colorful hoodies running after each other and laughing together. One of them tripped on the sand and fell down but didn’t cry and just stood up continuing to run. Some adults gathered into some groups, drinking cold beer and cola while talked about their jobs, families and stupid old stories, completely forgetting that their children were near the camp fire trying to throw anyone in it who was standing next to them.

“This way, Sir.” Lucas popped out of nowhere with two huge glasses of …orange juice? He nudged his chin towards his right side where that was the way to an empty space between two groups of old ladies who were arguing over some new branded high heels. “If it’s too noisy, we can move there. Under that palm tree.”

“Palm tree, then.” Sicheng walked past Lucas, avoiding two children who were running into him.

Lucas flopped on his butt and stretched his long legs out, handing one of the glasses to Sicheng before leaning his back against the tree. Sicheng only received the drink silently and settled himself next to Lucas.

“Nice, huh?” Lucas asked, hand running through his hair that just fell into his face.

“The party? Kinda. I never get used to this crowd.” Yes, Sicheng would never get used to this kind of situation. A lot of people. He knew the risk he would take if he let himself stay longer with them, that’s why staying in a room alone was his best choice.

“For someone who just declared that he’s a freaky nerd, you don’t look like any of them.”

_Maybe you haven’t seen the real me … yet._

“It’s complicated,” Sicheng hummed.

“And long story?” Lucas guessed and Sicheng nodded. “If you ever say thank you for being my friend here again, I swear to God, I would do something bad to you,” Lucas warned jokingly.

Sicheng froze for a second. He was really about to say that again.

“Just don’t put that expression on your pretty face, please. I don’t know why so many people have that broken heart look on their face today. Is today International Broken Heart Day or something?”

Sicheng snorted on Lucas’s grunts. He wanted to punch Lucas’ big arm but he did a wrong move by swinging his hand that was holding his orange juice glass a bit hardly that the tip of the glass hit Lukas’ elbow. He accidentally splashed almost all the juice all over his hands, his gloves. Lukas had to flinch back a little as he heard Sicheng’s little squeal.

“My gloves!” Sicheng hissed, dropping the glass on to the ground and spontaneously taking off his both gloves.

Lucas wanted to help but Sicheng suddenly hid his both hands. But his sudden move caused another trouble. A trouble Sicheng wished it wouldn’t come anymore, especially to people he knew.

Sicheng gasped at the sudden physical contact. He flinched back so quickly and was about to stand up and run hiding his painful minutes that would come to him in three … two … but …

Sicheng’s legs became weak that he couldn’t move them. He flopped back on his butt, crouching down while holding his both trembling hands. He wanted to moan in pain, but the situation around him didn’t allow him to do it. Not in front of Lucas who already looked so worried to him right now. The younger literally freaked out. He knelt down, his long arm on Sicheng’s back and shoulder, asking him what happened to him. But Sicheng’s too busy to catch his own breath as he felt the air was knocked out his lungs.

There’s a picture on his mind. About Lucas entering the toilet inside a small building and accidentally slipping over something on the floor. He fell down and the back of head hit the edge of the closet. His head was bleeding, he needed to be rushed to the hospital. He didn’t die, only would get intense headache for months ahead.

No one died. Sicheng could’ve felt relieved, but he couldn’t. Not when he knew Lucas would get hurt. He didn’t want to see Lucas getting hurt by anything.

“Ge, hey, are you with me? Sicheng ge?!” Lucas had to shout right next to his face as Sicheng still crouched down.

Lucas’s heavy voice snapped Sicheng’s mind back. His eyes fluttered open but his vision was still blurry. He instinctively searched for a warm hand that would always calm him down as soon as he held it tightly, but he refrained himself from doing that after realizing the owner of those hands wasn’t with him. He wanted to cry and call his name, but his tongue froze. All he felt was the soft massages on his upper arms that Lucas gave to him.

The attack was gone, but the pain was still lingering. Sicheng tried to breathe while let himself lean against the tree. He felt so sleepy and tired, but he awoke when a strong hands wiped the sweat his forehead.

“You’re sweating.” Lucas brushed aside Sicheng’s damp hair that almost covered Sicheng’s right eye. “What happened to you? You really scared the hell out of me, ge. A heart attack?”

“Kind … of,” Sicheng answered breathlessly.

“I will get you some water. Stay here. I will—“

“Don’t go.” Sicheng held the sleeve of Lucas’ T-shirt, stopping the younger from getting up. “Stay here. At least for …” he counted the time on his mind. “Twenty minutes. I’ll be fine after this. Believe me.”

“What? Ge, I just saw the scariest thing. That was like … like … some grim reaper was trying to pull your soul out of your body. You’re dying, ge!”

Sicheng didn’t know why he laughed at Lucas. “It’s usual thing for me. After I stay still like this for a couple of minutes, I will be fine. Just … don’t go anywhere. Stay with me, okay?”

It’s more like him trying to avoid Lucas from that accident inside the toilet. If they succeeded not to let that accident happen, that meant nothing’s going to happen to Lucas.

Passing every single minute until it hit twenty minutes was the hardest thing Sicheng could ever do now … without people who knew who he really was, people who could handle him in this state.

Twenty one minutes.

It passed. Peacefully. No one got hurt. Only him. And that’s much better than anything else.

“I’m a freak, huh?” Sicheng finally spoke, feeling better now.

“Lucas only flopped next to Sicheng’s leg and sighed loudly.

There’s nothing Sicheng could do but apologized to Lucas. He expected the younger would get mad at him and leave him since he’s a freak, but that didn’t happen. Lucas even looked at him with full of sympathy as if he just figured out something.

“No. it’s … not. But it must be so hard for you, ge.” Lucas pat Sicheng’s arm gently.

Sicheng felt alarmed already. What was that?

“I have a friend in Hongkong. Her skin was very sensitive, you know … kind of rare ill or something, and she had a very traumatic moment in her past. After surgery, she started to wear gloves everywhere. And now she doesn’t even take them off. Well, I saw her without wearing gloves for once. She accidentally touched a leaf and freaked out by herself. Worse moment was when one of my classmates purposely took off one of her gloves and held her hand. She passed out for two days,” Lucas explained.

Sicheng smiled bitterly. He felt bad to Lucas’s friend, whoever she was. Yeah, it must be so hard for her, too. She felt traumatized over her bad memory in the past and already suffered for such a long time. But at least she didn’t experience a very painful attack like he did after touching human’s hands with his bare hands.

“I need to go to bathroom.” Sicheng tried to stand up. He startled as Lucas stood up as well while kept holding his arms.

“I won’t touch your hands. I just wanna help you to stand up. Okay?”

Sicheng only looked at the younger when his tired limb got pulled up. That strong facial structure, firm side profile, deep gaze. He saw them all closely. He even could see his long eyelashes and that strong nose bridge. Lucas reminded him of someone he missed so much. He almost thought they’re the same person until he realized they’re … different. He couldn’t touch his hands freely without getting a vision on his mind. He couldn’t hold his hands as much as he wanted, as long as he wanted.

“I can walk to bathroom by myself. You just stay here.” Sicheng pulled away from Lucas’s hold gently, turning around and walking very slowly towards the nearest bathroom with hiding his both hands inside the pockets of his short pants.

Sicheng sighed as he dropped his butt on the floor inside the toilet. He held his chest, grimacing the pain that was still there. His head was still dizzy as well.

He hid his real pain so perfectly in front of Lucas.


	13. Chapter 13

Two hours had passed. The children were already gone. Perhaps their parents already locked them up in their rooms since it’s getting late and the time to the real party had just started. Loud music was blasting, people screaming and laughing, the sound of beer glasses clinking. The peaceful beach turned into wild one. Some drunken guys were crawling into the sea just to get dragged out by arms by their friends who were still sober. A complete mess.

Lucas was gone after telling Sicheng he would get another shot of tequila for himself and a beer for Sicheng. The younger didn’t come back after twenty minutes passed. It only took less than a minute for Sicheng to find where Lucas was. That tall guy was pressing someone against the high bar while whispering something. His smiley face was so obvious, a simple sign that he’s flirting in drunk state.

Sicheng sighed and left them alone. His hands inside the pockets were sweating but he couldn’t take them out because if he did that, he didn’t know what the next bad thing would happen to him. So, keeping them inside was the best choice since he still wanted to enjoy the party.

The music was even louder than before that his ear almost exploded because of the heavy bass. The smell of strong alcohol and sweat were everywhere that Sicheng almost got headache again. The effect after he got the attack wasn’t even gone yet. Someone needed to remind him that this crowd was always unhealthy for him.

Time to go home, then. Tonight party was enough. He would text Lucas in the morning thanking him for inviting him to this party.

He turned and was about to walk when he bumped to a big guy in flower printed shirt that almost flew him aside. Oh, that guy looked already drunk.

“Excuse me. I gotta go.” Sicheng moved, but that big guy suddenly grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back.

“You look pretty.” That guy grinned, the strong smell of alcohol fanning Sicheng’s face.

“T-thanks. I’m sorry. I really gotta go.”

It’s dangerous.

Sicheng quickly slipped his hands into the pockets of his short pants. He was ready to run, but he got pulled back again and almost tripped on his own shoe if that guy didn’t hook his big arm around his tiny waist.

Not good.

Sicheng spontaneously took out one of his hands and held onto the front side of his shirt. His eyes widened as that guy suddenly held his hand. Oh, no. He would regret it a second later.

Exactly.

Another attack. Another pain. Another shock. Another vision.

Sicheng loud painful yelp made the big guy let go of him and pushed him abruptly. Sicheng fell down on his butt, groaning in pain. He closed his eyes as he felt something smack his head really hard and everything started spinning.

Twenty minutes. A fight between that big guy and a bunch of tall guys outside the hotel. Everyone got a lot of bruises. That guy’s head was bleeding so hard after some skinny guy threw a beer bottle to his head.

The good news was no one died.

Again only for tonight attacks.

The lack of full strength he had after getting the first attack tonight made him feel so hard to fight back against the second one. He wasn’t completely ready yet even to breathe properly. That big guy already left him after saying that he exaggerated his greeting. Sicheng didn’t care. He just wanted to calm himself down, trying not to look too pitiful around the people he didn’t knew. But the pain inside his head was too much.

He almost gave up, his right hand trembling while supporting his entire weight on the ground. That was the moment he felt a strong arm held his back, pulling him back until his back pressed against a warm chest. Someone was holding his shoulders so firmly yet so gently. He was too weak to open his eyes, to see who they were, so he just let his head rest in the crook of their neck and tried to breathe.

Fingers traced his jawline, caressing his cheek softly before pulling his face even deeper into their neck for a weird and good measure that Sicheng didn’t know why they did that. He was about to think that someone who’s hugging him right now was Lucas since he could feel those strong arms around himself. Lucas was warm too. He almost thanked him though it would take more than ten seconds to say the words since he’s too tired and sleepy when he felt a hand crept around his and held it, intertwining their fingers. Sicheng jolted in shock that his nose hit their jaw. He wanted to shake their hand off, but his heart started to beat so fast as he felt the familiar warmth spread through his skin.

And he got nothing.

No vision.

“Let’s get out of here.”

He heard that voice vaguely, couldn’t make sure if it’s Lucas’ voice or someone else’s. The next second, his boneless arm got hauled around their neck and he felt his body got pulled up. He leaned his entire weight on them as he couldn’t even feel his own feet that were wobbly on the ground. A firm hold on his waist after his left hand got tucked into his pocket. And his other hand was already secured in their grip.

Sicheng was half unconscious when he got dragged out of the party by someone he didn’t know. He even counted how long they walked. Ten minutes? Twenty minutes? It felt more like an hour, or maybe more since he really moved his feet so slowly and gave all his trust to the person who was holding and helping him to walk right now.

“Sit here.”

Sicheng heard that voice again and the next moment he was settled on the bench and collapsed into it. A hand sneaked under the back of his nape so he could rest his head on it. His both hands were on his sides weakly. That hand pushed his bangs aside to wipe his sweat away from his forehead.

It took almost a whole minute for Sicheng to open his eyes. He blinked and the familiar face and red hair came into his blurry vision. He gulped. His throat was so dry.

“You came …” Sicheng spoke weakly, blinking his eyes very slowly after he saw Taeyong’s strong facial structure and his worried eyes.

“Hm … I did.”

“I didn’t ask you to.”

“But I wanted to.”

“Welcome to Jeju … hyung.” Sicheng smiled a little, welcoming the elder with the sweetest smile he could show right now. At least he had to do that because he knew it wasn’t real. If it was real, he would’ve cried a mess for not being able to hold his emotion just because he missed him so much.

“You’re safe now.” Taeyong’s voice sounded so soft just like what Sicheng always heard everytime they hugged each other on the bed before sleeping.

“I’m safe now,” Sicheng hummed, shifting closer to Taeyong so he could rest his head on Taeyong’s shoulder instead.

He got more than that, though.

Taeyong pulled him even closer into his arms, pressing his face against his neck and hugging him warmly.

Sicheng was safe. Indeed. The hug felt so real. The long kiss on the top of his head and the crown of his head felt so real as well. It’s his home. However, his half-unconscious state kept telling him that he’s only dreaming. Everything is not even real. It was only a hope he had been wanting.

Maybe it’s Lucas, not Taeyong, who was hugging him tightly like this.

Maybe it’s Lucas, not Taeyong, who was whispering “I’m here” into his ear.

Maybe it’s Lucas, not Taeyong, who was keeping him safe from the cruel world.

Yeah, maybe he’s hallucinating right now. His current state wasn’t stable enough to recognize anything and anyone around him.

“I’m sorry, Sicheng.”

Or … Sicheng was wrong.

He wasn’t hallucinating.

He wasn’t dreaming.

Taeyong was there hugging him.

Taeyong was there whispering “I’m here” into his ear.

Taeyong was there keeping him safe from the cruel world.

Taeyong was there.

He really was.

“You look even skinnier than I thought, Sicheng. What are you doing here? You told Youngho that you came here to heal yourself, to have a fun trip. But, look at you now. You even had to meet that rude asshole. I’ll punch him in the face tomorrow if I meet him again for making you scared,” Taeyong grunted under his breath, voice mumbling against the crown of Sicheng’s head while stroking the younger’s hair softly.

Taeyong closed his eyes as he rested his chin on the top of Sicheng’s head, tightening his hug. He was torn between thanking Johnny for sending him to Jeju or kicking his butt for barging into his studio at five in the morning, stuffing clothes he could reach into a black backpack, shoving a flight ticket right onto his face and kicking him out of his own studio. Johnny didn’t even give him a chance to protest and only shoved him into his car that his head hit the wheel.

And now here he was, hugging Sicheng after finding him collapsed in the middle of the crowd. He would thank Johnny for this. Yes. If Johnny didn’t do all these stuff, he wouldn’t have known what happened to Sicheng. Sicheng could’ve gotten hurt even more.

At first, he didn’t know what Johnny meant with “ _You need to take a rest too, dumbass”_ before he flew here. Why he sent him to Jeju to take a rest if eventually he would meet Sicheng, that’s his question that he thought he would never get its answer. Not until he saved Sicheng just now.

He knew why. He understood.

“Youngho gave me two choices and I already made a decision. I hope you have the same thought, too. I’ll pray for myself for that.” Taeyong planted the quick peck on Sicheng’s head before giggling at Sicheng’s soft snore. The younger was really sleeping. “You must be so tired battling against the effect by yourself.” He held Sicheng’s hand and brought it up, kissing the back of his hand and his fingers several times.

_Keeping you in my arms or letting you go?_

_I’ve chosen one of them._

_Or maybe keeping you in my arms first before letting you go?_

\----------------------------

 

Sicheng rolled to the right side of the bed, pulling up the sheet that fell onto his waist over his head. His eyes were still closed.. It’s just the morning breeze somehow could drag him out of his dream. He’s too sleepy to check if the window was open or not. No. he didn’t even know if he’s already in the bedroom in his villa.

“Wake up, Sicheng.”

Sicheng only made low noise as tried to curl up into a ball. Someone just told him to wake up, but he’s not that close to have an urge to wake up anytime soon. His body arched and stiff after he spent hours at the party last night that he had to get attacked twice by his cursed hands. He’s exhausted to death. So, no. He wouldn’t wake up. At least at this hour.

“Sicheng, wake up.”

There’s that voice again. This time he felt a hand ran through his hair, stroking it gently. He laid back on his back, eyes still closing, letting that hand to play some strands of his hair before shifting to touch his cheek and his closed eyes.

The touch itself made Sicheng felt warm. He smiled and opened his eyes slowly. Someone was sitting on the bed side looking down at him. His vision was still blurry that he only could see the red head.

The first person that came out on his mind was …

“Taeyong hyung?” Sicheng hummed, leaning into the touch.

“How’s your sleep?”

Instead of answering the answer, Sicheng closed his eyes back, quietly gulping.

“Feel better after sleeping for a whole night?”

Sicheng lifted his own hand, rubbing his face lazily, rolling onto his side to dip his face into the pillow. “I can’t even stop dreaming of you. What’s wrong with me?” he grunted slowly, trying to get to sleep so he could change the dream. He couldn’t believe there’s no a day he didn’t dream of the elder. Especially since he went here, in Jeju.

A couple of seconds later, Sicheng gasped and woke up immediately, jolting upwards and pushing himself further from that someone after he felt a hand suddenly grabbed his. His eyes widened open staring at the guy who just pulled his hand away from his.

“Why are you surprised like that?” Taeyong asked with his soft voice.

It’s not dream. Sicheng could tell he’s totally awake. He recognized everything around him. The bedroom, the bed, the crumpled sheet. Except Taeyong. As much as he wanted to believe it’s not a dream, Taeyong’s presence was too impossible to be true. He was silent in shock on the other side of the bed, staring at Taeyong without blinking. He even forgot that he wasn’t breathing.

Every single thing flashed through his mind, from the good ones to the bad ones. From the happy moments to the sad ones. His heart ached gradually, something scratching inside his chest that he had to bite his lower lip. His clutch onto the fabric of the sheet was tighter. The cold morning breeze woke him up. Completely.

He blinked.

Taeyong was still there. He didn’t disappear like what Sicheng thought.

The latter only furrowed his brows in confusion, but then smiled apologetically. Sicheng didn’t want to admit it but Taeyong looked like an angel in his dark jeans and white shirt. An angel that forced him to keep dreaming about him every single night that he had to find tears on his face in the next morning. They kissed and hugged in his dream. It’s supposed to be a nice dream, but somehow it turned out to be the sad one. More emotion. More heartbreaking moments. As if it’s an end.

Everytime he got dragged into that dream, Taeyong always apologized for … he couldn’t even count how many times he did that while kissed his face. He didn’t remember what he said to him before Taeyong whispered countless sorry into his ear.

Sicheng had been asking himself if it’s really an end. Was this what he wanted? To end everything? But … deep down in his heart, he refused to hear what his mind said to him. And the elder’s sudden presence in this morning … He was so near to think that his dream was becoming true just because …

“I came here … to make everything clear between us,” Taeyong spoke. “I—“

“So the one who saved me last night was you?” Sicheng cut off all of sudden.

Taeyong nodded. “I don’t want to have a bad term between us, so—“

“The one who took me out of the party was you?”

A nod from Taeyong before continuing to say, “… I’ve been thinking of this for such a long time. We shouldn’t have—“

“And the one who helped me to go back to the villa was you as well?”

Taeyong sighed, giving up to say what he wanted to say. “Yes.”

There’s a short silence inside the bedroom before Sicheng broke it with his deep voice.

“Why?”

Taeyong furrowed his brows. “Why?”

“Why you did that?”

“I—“

“Why you saved me? Why you took me out of the party? Why you helped me to go back to this villa? No, why you …” Sicheng took a deep breath and let out a shaky sigh, looking away to hide his teary eyes. “Why you came here?”

Taeyong quietly stared at the younger who was sitting on the other side of the bed hopelessly and madly. He noticed how Sicheng clenched his fist. It’s the time. Now or never.

“To …” Taeyong gave a long pause. All the words hung on the tip of his tongue. The courage that he had a minute ago was gone now. “To …fix the things between us and … end it.”

Sicheng swore there’s no any tear that fell down from his eyes. He swore he had pushed back all the tears into his skull and let that cold expression stay on his face.

To end it.

Sicheng didn’t know hearing those words was sadder than hearing thousand sorry from Taeyong. It was something he never expected though he had had a dream about it several times. The one who should say that was him, not Taeyong!

“No matter what we do and what we will do in the future, our pasts will always come along with us from behind. Sometimes we will find it if we look over our shoulders. You’re right, nothing can change the thing. Even if I apologize to you for the rest of my life, my mistake would always haunt me. Even if you punch me really hard, your parents won’t come back. You’re right, meeting you was already my punishment. But I will let it for once as the most pleasure moment in my life, meeting the most beautiful person that I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry and thank you.”

Sicheng nearly ripped off the sheet he’s clutching onto as he heard every single word that came out of Taeyong’s mouth. The end was coming so close. Too close and too fast than he had ever thought. At this point, he had to prepare himself for something unexpectedly expected.

If Taeyong approached him for the last time, he would let him do that.

If Taeyong embraced him into a hug for the last time, he would let him do that.

If Taeyong whispered another sorry and thank you into his ear for the last time, he would let him do that.

If Taeyong pulled back and stared at him for the last minute, he would let him do that.

If Taeyong leaned in to kiss his lips, to taste the familiar sweet feeling he liked the most, for the last time, even if Sicheng didn’t want to end the kiss, he would let him do that.

If Taeyong slowly got down from the bed and stood further, waving his hand as a goodbye, he would let him do that.

If Taeyong turned around and walked out of the bedroom, he would let him do that.

But it was just theory.

Sicheng didn’t think he could let himself do that, letting Taeyong to do everything for the last time. However, he’s hopeless. He had no way to fix anything. He’s even still too afraid to face Taeyong like this.

Sicheng really needed some help for himself. The jealousy was there. How he wished he had the courage to talk like what Taeyong did, regardless what he would get later.

“No. don’t …” Sicheng’s voice was gone as he saw with his own eyes how Taeyong suddenly got off the bed to approach him. He even had to shake his head as Taeyong settled on the bed right in front of him.

Déjà vu?

Taeyong reached out to touch Sicheng’s hair, stroking it gently for a moment and tucking it behind Sicheng’s ear before caressing his cheek. There’s a sweet smile on Taeyong’s face. Sicheng was trying to look for something in the latter’s eyes, but he found nothing. There’s only a soft and deep gaze that he missed the most.

“Just for today, please don’t push me away. Okay?” Taeyong said very softly. His thumb caressed Sicheng’s lower lip, eyes staring at Sicheng’s eyes and his lips back and forth slowly.

Sicheng hated the atmosphere inside the bedroom. But he couldn’t say nor do anything. his entire body even went stiff as Taeyong pulled him closer and hugged him, wrapping his strong arms around him, dipping his nose into his hair as he tightened the hug. Sicheng stayed quiet when he felt a warm lips ghosting his earlobe and his heart dropped as heard … “I’m sorry. and “Thank you.”

“Don’t …” Sicheng barely let out any voice. The elder loosened up their hug, pulling back only to keep his both arms on Sicheng’s shoulders.

“Can I kiss you?”

It was the moment Sicheng lost his sanity. Taeyong’s question broke all the shield that Sicheng had been building after that morning in Taeyong’s apartment. He found himself throwing all his entire being onto Taeyong, chasing the latter’s lips and kissing them desperately. He didn’t even care how Taeyong tried to push him a bit. He just couldn’t hold it anymore.

He’s angry at the way they both handled the situation poorly. He’s angry at everything. At himself. At Taeyong. At their pasts.

He’s angry at himself who hated and loved Taeyong at the same time. But as much as he hated him, he wanted to love him more, more and more. And it hurt so much.

He’s angry at Taeyong who never tried to fight for his love harder. The elder surrendered too easily.

He’s angry at their pasts that had to give them so much difficulty and anxiety in the future.

Sicheng devoured all his emotions to the sloppy and pathetic kisses.

“S-sicheng, w-wait …” Taeyong’s voice mumbled against Sicheng’s as the younger tried to deepen the kiss. He was really about to grab the younger’s arms tightly and pushed him when he heard him sobbing while still kissing him. He opened his eyes, finding how Sicheng furrowed his brows and closed his eyes, the tears streaming down his face.

Sicheng was crying and it broke Taeyong’s heart. He obviously could feel the desperation and scared feeling through the kiss, as if Sicheng was frightened over something bad that had been haunting him.

Taeyong wanted to soothe him. He did eventually. He moved his both hands that were on Sicheng’s arms, reaching out the younger to hold his jaw and his other hand sneaking onto his back. He caressed his thumb through Sicheng’s cheek as he kissed him back slowly. Very slowly that it could make Sicheng calm down gradually.

It was just a slow and long light kiss but Taeyong did that with all his heart.

A moment later they parted to breathe. Sicheng ducked his head, hand clutching onto the front side of Taeyong’s shirt as he leaned his head against Taeyong’s chin.

“Please, don’t say or do anything if you’re just gonna leave me,” Sicheng’s sobbed. His head slipped and bumped to Taeyong’s shoulder. He stayed there, still crying. “You shouldn’t have came here if it’s only for a goodbye. I hate it. I hate anything about farewell. They suck.”

Taeyong didn’t respond.

“I’ve been thinking of everything about us for days that it almost exploded my own head. I’ve missed you so much, too that it hurt me. I lost the way. I couldn’t even choose if I had to end our relationship or do something to save it. Everytime I remember my parents and that accident, I always feel scared. I’m afraid I would betray them if I keep you. I don’t know what to do, hyung.”

Taeyong smiled bitterly. He didn’t know if he had to be happy or not knowing Sicheng had the same thought like him. Yeah, he had said to himself that he already chose a choice and hoped Sicheng for having the same thought. But he didn’t know it would be this painful to hear it from Sicheng.

“I don’t want to hurt you even more, Sicheng.”

Sicheng wished he didn’t hear anything.

“But … anyway …” Taeyong paused. “We still can be friends. It would be much better if I could be your bestfriend and kick Youngho down from his status as your ultimate best friend.” He giggled by himself, not getting any reaction from Sicheng.

Sicheng pressed his face into Taeyong’s neck even deeper to hold his tears back. He wanted to pull back and yell at Taeyong that he didn’t want to end their relationship, but he had no any strength left to fight back. His mind got buried deep down into this miserable situation that he couldn’t help himself out.

So … it ended?

It was an end that he had been running away from?

He couldn’t run away anymore now.

The last kiss.

The last hug.

The last moment.

  
\--------------------------------------------------------

  
Johnny stumbled on a black shoe that almost he stepped on after he pushed his apartment door open. He was about to curse but Taeil’s voice came through his phone again, asking him about the draft he just sent.

“Hyung, I just got home.” Johnny rolled his eyes, pushing the door close with his knee. He turned around and kicked his shoes off. He was a bit confused as he found his apartment looked bright. The last time he remembered, he closed all the curtains and turned off the lights, but …

Oh.

He sighed, seeing a skinny form of Sicheng standing near the windows. The younger looked spacing out while staring at the night view of the city through the window. He’s definitely drowning into his own thought.

And Johnny didn’t like it.

A loud yell from Taeil made Johnny jumped a little. He almost forgot he’s talking to Taeil on the phone.

“I won’t surprised if I see more wrinkles on your face in two weeks, hyung. You really like to yell at literally all the people.”

“ _If only you paid attention to me, I wouldn’t yell at you, dumbass_.”

“What did you say again?” Johnny put his bag on the dining table, eyes still on Sicheng.

“ _Don’t skip dinner. You skipped your breakfast and lunch already today. I don’t want you to look like an ugly zombie tomorrow_.”

Johnny couldn’t help but laughed. He could feel a tiny butterfly flying around inside his stomach. Oh and small firework, too. “Just because I’m an intern and your side-job is to babysit me, it doesn’t mean you have a power to control my lifestyle.”

_“I hate you. You know I don’t have any fucking power to do anything but flipping those boring draft papers on my desk for a whole day before getting out of the company building and looking like a dead person. So, let me have that I-am-Johnny’s-babysitter power for a while. Only two more months, okay? After that, you can come back as the old boring Johnny.”_

Johnny snorted. Actually, he didn’t even mind if Taeil had to be his babysitter for a few more months after his training period was over. That elder was the one who helped him to get a job as one of the editing teams in the publishing company. He would thank him forever for this. The opportunity that he had been ignoring for ages.

“I will treat you delicious meal after I get my first salary, hyung. You can keep my words,” Johnny said sincerely.

“ _You better do it. I’ve been abandoning my own work only to take care of you, kid. I would so pissed if you only buy me a can of cold beer. Well …, a set of barbeque and a jumbo bowl of kimchi soup are a must. With high quality meat, of course. Soju and beer for the second round is fine, anyway.”_

“Okay. Deal.”

Johnny hung up the phone and placed the device onto the counter. He turned his head to check Sicheng again. The younger was still quiet on his spot, unmoved, his eyes still gluing over something outside the window. Johnny could’ve looked away and dragged his feet towards his bedroom to change his clothes if Sicheng was really focusing onto something. But no. He let himself approach the younger, titling his head to see his side profile before sneaking his arms around his shoulders and backhugging him.

“What are you thinking of, huh?” Johnny slightly knocked his own head against Sicheng’s to distract him.

Sicheng was a bit startled as he felt Johnny’s arms around his shoulders, but he didn’t push him away. “How’s your work?”

Johnny pursed his lips. “Boring. All I heard was only the sounds of keyboards, phones ringing, people ripping the papers, people grunting, cursing, laughing. Aah … and those idiot ghosts that keep scolding almost all the officers in their rooms. ”

Sicheng snorted quietly. “That sounds so human. But not for the last words.”

“You think?” Johnny retorted, giving a light peck on Sicheng’s head before pulling himself away and walking back to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Sicheng followed him a minute later, grabbing his glass before even he could drink it. He only shook his head and got another glass.

“Now you’re an editor. The real one,” Sicheng spoke, sitting on the edge of the counter.

“An amazing upgrade, isn’t it? From a lonely freelancer to a busy editor. But it makes me feel bad.”

Sicheng furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”

Johnny stepped closer, putting his long hands on the edge of the counter, trapping Sicheng in between. “Now I don’t have much time to be with you anymore. Like … I used to spend my whole day with you, except when I got one or two short novel drafts to edit. But now …, I can’t even promise you to have a dinner together. I’m sorry.”

A soft snort came out of Sicheng’s mouth. He pushed the elder by his chest and hit him playfully.

“I’m going back to work.” Sicheng jumped down and gave Johnny a quick hug.

“But you just came here.”

“Nah. I came here an hour ago to make you some meal. Don’t worry. They’re edible enough for human. At least you have something to eat before going to sleep.”

“I’m so sorry, Sicheng.” Johnny felt so guilty for making Sicheng waiting for too long only to meet him.

“We still can meet again tomorrow, though. Or this weekend. You can even call me anytime. Video call is okay, too. You’re thinking too much, hyung.” Sicheng stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at Johnny. “Ah … one more thing. That Taeil guy looks cool and sweet, by the way. You guys look perfect.”

“Dong Sicheng.”

Sicheng only giggled before walking out of Johnny’s apartment. He put the hood on his head as he’s stepping out of the building. The night wind welcomed him right away that he had to shiver though he’s already wearing two layer T-shirts and an oversized hoodie. He wouldn’t be surprised if he got a flu in a few days since he kept going out of his own apartment every single night.

A soft and quiet sigh. The wind was passing through, kissing his cheek coldly that he had to duck his head, looking down at his own feet that were swinging trough the street side.

Tonight was still the same night like the previous ones. Quiet. Empty. Lonely.

Sicheng smiled bitterly to himself realizing how time flew so fast and everything changed so fast as well around him. His two old neighbors moved out of the building a week ago and he got two new ones. He had not greeted them yet, maybe he wouldn’t. Johnny finally had a real job after being a freelancer for years. He congratulated him by giving him a simple red velvet cake without any topping that he made by himself. Its visual was not that pretty, but the taste was not so bad. Johnny thanked him by squeezing his cheeks.

And Taeyong …

It had been four months since the last time he met him in Jeju. He thought he’d be the one who disappeared, but it turned out to be Taeyong. He had not heard anything about the elder, even Johnny barely mentioned his name. The recent news he managed to get was Taeyong’s dance team flew to Japan and Korea back and forth for some dance workshop. Seemed like the dance studio was getting recognition after winning another dance competition two months ago. Sicheng watched the clip on his computer.

Oh, Sicheng already let his past go. Yes he did. About that accident, especially. He would never forget it but he already buried it into the bottom of his heart and his mind. He was ready to see which way the fate would lead him. But after four months, he found himself giving up on everything he had been holding onto.

It seemed everyone was doing good in their life, except Sicheng. Looked like he was left behind. Though he didn’t want to feel that way, he could see it clearly. He’s the only one who still walked on the same spot. He’s stuck, not having any slight chance to move forward, as if he’s trapped in a small dark room that made him can’t see and do anything. Neither felt happy or sad.

Well, the only little upgrade he made was now he worked at some small convenience store near his apartment. It was just a random luck, to be honest. He never thought the owner of the store would offer him the job. Maybe because the owner thought he’s poor and needed to stay alive. He would agree, anyway. He needed to stay alive, needed to distract himself from the loneliness. He woudn’t mind if he had to work for a whole day if it could help him. But his boss wasn’t too crazy to make him work like that.

And of course, he was still the same Dong Sicheng who wore the gloves when he’s outside. The curse was still there, on his both hands. He would never wonder how long he had to befriend with this curse.

“Your way home is not that way, though!”

Sicheng stopped in his track abruptly and his mind got dragged out of his own thought as he heard someone shouted at him. He lifted his head, eyes wandering around to find where the voice came from. The street was empty and it’s scared him for some reason. He’s close to think he really heard the voice of one of the ghosts that liked to follow him around. At least not until he heard the voice again that came from behind him.

“Over here!”

Sicheng turned around and saw a guy in black hoodie standing ten or twenty steps away from him. He could’ve ignored him if he didn’t recognize who he was.

That familiar warm gaze.

That familiar sweet smile.

That familiar person he had missing so much.

Lee Taeyong.

The slow footsteps. One step. Two steps. Three steps. Four steps. Five steps …

It really took a while for Sicheng to, finally, see that deep gaze closely, right in front him though he had to duck his head a little. They didn’t say anything. They didn’t move, only staring at each other’s eyes with so many complicated feeling around them. Or maybe it’s only Sicheng who felt that way since the latter’s expression was unreadable. So many things were hiding behind that expression, Sicheng could tell.

But still, there’s no simple hi or a formal hello to crack the silence between them. Both were looking for something in each other’s eyes. A hesitation, a fear, a sadness, an uncomfortable feeling that would make them stop from what they wanted to do. Waiting for one of them to make a move first, to break the wall of fear, to lead their different ways into one and to make them sure this was the right time to restart the thing.

Or was it only Sicheng’s hopeless dream?

What Johnny said still lingered his mind until now. Whatever future he would get, he had to be ready. Even if it’s hurt and unfair for his own.

Yeah, fate sucks. They always try to butt in to my life. But this time, can I fight that stupid fate? I’ve seen and experienced by myself how fate destroyed my whole life. I want to make my own fate now. I want to be selfish one more time. I already lost everything. Twice. I don’t want to lose what I have now.

All the sacrifice, the tears, everything … I had them all. I’ve had enough.

We’ve had enough, … hyung.

But I’m still scared.

Suddenly Taeyong extended his hand that made Sicheng got surprised a bit. Sicheng was even completely puzzled as Taeyong didn’t say anything and only grabbed his hand, taking off his glove. Sicheng could feel the cold wind welcoming his skin directly, but the cold disappeared as soon as Taeyong held his hand.

The only hands that would never give him any pain.

The only hands that would always give him a safe place as if they’re made for each other.

Those hands … were his home.

“How are you, Dong Sicheng?” Taeyong smiled.

_New page, same pen, different story. It's like we're getting back to the very first time we met, when we still had no idea what would happen to both of us._

_This time, this curse feels like a gift. The special one._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally this fic is complete. I'm sorry, Clay for taking too long to finish this gift. Though I know this has full of grammatical errors, weird words and complicated and lame storyline, I hope you like it. I'll keep learning and learning how to fix my bad writing skill.
> 
> Thank you all who still read this fic until the end. Thank you so much. Let's spread johnwin and taewin's love.


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